Sunday, June 28, 2009

Serious Sunday

There are two scriptures that have made a big impact in my life.

I'm only brave enough right now to tell you about one.

Enos chapter 1:4 "And my soul ahungered; and I bkneeled down before my Maker, and I ccried unto him in mighty dprayer and supplication for mine own soul; and all the day long did I cry unto him; yea, and when the night came I did still raise my voice high that it reached the heavens."

At the time I read that scripture, I was burdened down and I felt so empty inside. It was a really dark period in my life, for me, and I was relatively young. It didn't fit well with my personality and it was really hard work to fake happiness throughout the day. It wore me out.

Doubt is a horrible thing. And I was filled with it. See I had a friend that questioned my faith. Being the small seed that it was, it shook me.

She was taught well, seemed to know a lot, and had a lot of questions to challenge my faith with... and I didn't have the answers. I had been taught, sure, but up until that point I looked at the gospel as something that was just there, that had always been around, but never something I desired to question or try to gain my OWN testimony of. The Gospel made sense, so what was there to question?

I don't remember specifics of all the conversations we had or really what questions she asked. I just remember the doubt, despair, and total emptiness for not knowing!!!

Then one day during a religion class we began to learn about ENOS, and I was asked to read that scripture out loud. That tingle of recognition began. That warmth of the spirit spread throughout my body, no I did not recognize it as such, but that phrase "my soul hungered" put words to what I was feeling for the first time! I went home and I prayed. a.lot. The answer to the despair came while I was on my knees in my pink and green room...then the doubt was gone. I can't even begin to describe what that feels like. But faking "happy" was no longer a problem and hasn't been since.

I still didn't have all the answers because I realized I never could and when I finally realized that and told my friend that, I found out she didn't have the answers either.

So it won't surprise you that whenever I listen to Oh My Soul Hunger-Kurt Bestor song I get a little emotional.

"Oh, my soul hungered,
My heart cried out:
"Please Lord, release me
From pain and from doubt."
Oh, my soul hungered
The moment I knelt down to pray,
And felt all my doubts Wash away.

Oh, my soul hungered-
Things that were old became new
When I learned to feel
What I already knew.

I realize that I'm especially lucky to find that out at such a young age... that I'm truly blessed and loved.

Hope you guys have a good Sunday! :)


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