Friday, April 25, 2008

Humiliation Chronicles-Story #1

Well to begin...Watch the first clip below...I am not here to make fun of this guy, but I will admit that I laughed out loud and had to watch the clip more than once! My little bro HAD to show me, and then he said, "Ah, Shelle, this takes me back to when I had to watch you do your solo's!" How very nice of him to remind me.

We got such a great laugh that I thought I would start documenting my humilating experiences for your enjoyment...and for later on when my children can read, and they have their unfortunate embarrassing times in life, then I can show them to this post, and others like it, and they can read and watch and get solace in the fact that moms is way worse!

So I'm going to throw in these funny, you probably had to be there, stories...every once in a while, and not in any chronological order...I'll just write them when I remember them...there are SO many it's quite hard to remember them ALL, but I will try, because I think the generations after me...might enjoy never knows!

I'm really not a "top that" (name that movie) kind of person...but embarrassing and humilating things happen to me quite often...actually daily...some big and some small...but it's like they are attracted to me...whatever...just enjoy!

Poor guy...I feel his pain...literally, I have pulled my hamstring before, while kicking, and it doesn't heal very quickly...I mean at the end of that clip he seems completely dazed and out of it! Really poor guy!

I have also humiliated myself on National TV, recently...I haven't posted the clips because I didn't know that they would be embarrassing at the time, but it has to do with a certain workout video and it being on ET Online and Entertainment Tonight show on television...I had my 30 second debut and totally bombed...because ET happen to be recording at the time...

(believe me if I knew they were recording I would have killed myself to push through, although I don't know if I could have, but I would have tried...I really would have)...

the part in the Jive Exercise section where he chooses to do a "walk" version, a "jog" version, and a "run" version...after being there pretty much ALL day.

Already having been involved in the "Cha Cha" Exercise section and being totally exhausted, because let's be honest, I work out 3 to 4 times a week, but I really am not an active person.
So make me push through a 30 minute treadmill or elliptical work out...or hang in there for a 45-60 minute aerobic exercise class...but to make me WORKOUT all day long, and smile at the same time...I'm just going to get it out there and say I was exhausted and am TOTALLY out of shape...which I already their minds, Luis Van Amstel's and Carson's Mom, I was perfect for their video. They did want average looking very nice of them!

Well, ET happen to video and put out on National TV and on ET Online the clips of the "Run" section...(Let me just note here that it seemed more like a "walk", "run", then "sprint" to me...but that's just my opinion)...out of sheer bad luck...they put me in the front row next to skinny, but in shape, Luis (comparatively, I look like a GIANT)!

This is how it went, in my mind--

"Walk" version--I'm still wasn't bad...after a few takes...I was still good, sweating glowing from the hot lights on set...but makeup girl Ashley...took care of me, and I was ready to take a "Jog"...I was laughing, still in a good mood.

"Run""Jog" version (but to me it felt like a run, just saying)--I'm panting, people are laughing around me and I can still make sense of what they are I must still be present in my body...I attempt to smile back and make a joke...I get odd looks...I make a comment to the Tall guy behind me, "Mike, if I faint what will you do?" he doesn't miss a beat and answers back, "I'll just kick you out of the way with my leg and take your spot in the front!" It's nice to know he has my back!

"Sprint""Run" version (but again, by this time, if felt more like a sprint)--I can barely see and we are only half way through...Luis keeps looking over to me and I am smiling, but by this time my heart is beating so fast and my lungs are burning so bad that all I can really think is, (Take me dear Father, let my spirit quickly rise out of my body, let me experience at this point in time that "out of body" experience...I can handle won't seem weird)...

but wait, I am still thinking...a good sign...I tell myself.

We get to the part in the "Run" version where we twist our legs back and the famous "twist" move...but Luis doesn't do the normal 8 seconds-
like we have done before...
Luis continues it for a VERY long time,
evil drill sergeant...
and I am feeling all the pain and burn...I mean, one simple move shouldn't be so HARD, but it was...oh how bad it hurt! By the "Sprint" "Run" version I couldn't think straight and fumbled my moves quite a bit...
they are being honest when they say we learned them THAT my mind couldn't go into automatic mode like it use to when I performed dances all the time in high school and college.

My body is hunched over...I can't even try to think anymore (but really, in my mind, I had thought I pulled it off, that I didn't look all that bad, I convinced myself that when the videos came out for the masses to buy and take to their homes, that they wouldn't be distracted by my utterly horrible "Sprint""Run" version of the Jive)

...and THAT is the clip that is put out there for whomever wants to see it, my fumbles, my slow motion feet...humiliating and embarrassing; and possibly the funniest thing out there recorded of me to this date (that could be argued)!

My little bro., MountainSport Man and I, laughed and laughed, cried, and tried to breathe! It's horrible, yet if it makes someone else out there happier and feel better about themself...then I am here for you, because I am so use to people laughing at me that I have gotten quite use to it...I will feel bad if it doesn't make you at least quirk one side of your mouth in a half-smile at how funny I look compared to everyone else out on that floor...they are all going 10 times faster than me...I look like I am doing it in SLOW MOTION...

So here I am laid out there for your entertainment...because if you can't laugh at yourself then you live a very sad life...or life is sad and I laugh at myself all the time...I'll stop with the quirky phrases! Love ya all and Enjoy!

I couldn't find the clip that was on Television...if I worries...I will post it!
Now you can see the necessity for my Goal #3! Love Shelle

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