Wednesday, November 5, 2008

I'm being TORN apart!!!

Okay...for the very first time...we have a TIE in my Don't You Hate It When they will both be in the running for the final prize!!!

Crash Test Dummies and Honey I will email you your cool blog buttons soon! Thanks for playing this week! It was fun!

I'm feeling a little reflective today...and less humorous and witty.

So if you are a creative person, you'll totally get this post. If you are not...

I look down my nose at you!


If you have been reading my blog for ANY amount of already know that Dance is a BIG part of my life. My Mom taught dance...she learned it from HER MOM...I learned it from MY MOM...

You see the pattern right?

Well...Dance and Music go hand in hand. And for the first years of my dancing career I got to enjoy how the two worked harmoniously together. I got to feel the music in the step of the dance I was taught...I got to listen to the lyrics and move my body with the feel and spirit of the to speak. I loved just being a DANCER. I loved learning. I loved getting a really difficult step. I loved being inspired by a choreographers idea.

But at a really young age...when I listened to music...I could see a dance in my head. In fact, for a really long time I thought EVERYBODY saw what I saw when they listened to music. I thought it was totally normal. Only later did I find out that I was the minority. Go is the story of my life :)

I moved about 3 years ago back to my hometown. The thing about moving is I feel I have to start all over because the Dance Studio Owners don't know me anymore nor do they know what I can do. It's like beginning all over and having to get my name out there.

Luckily, there is ONE adviser at a high school that knows me and I can get my fill of dance and choreography through helping them. But I only help when they NEED me...because they don't have the budget to keep me on permanently!

But when a new song comes out, and I'm not in need at the high school, it sucks because I don't have anyone to unload my ideas on...nobody to dance to the music the way I see it in my head...I feel like admitting myself into an institution!

For instance...last year I had this song on my MIND...and luckily about 6 months of suffering with it bouncing around in my head...that High School Advisor called me and asked me to choreograph a piece for her concert...and I loved the quirky-ness of the song and you know me...humor and quirky go hand in hand! It was a little difficult because I had to choreograph for group of girls with varying levels of technique...but it turned out well enough...So I was able to have my Creative Outlet...UNLOAD, and have some semblance of peace again...
Here it is (I'm going to apologize for the poor quality of was done on my point and shoot camera...their costumes where part and funky and add SO much more to the piece):

But even though this was a fun dance to ultimate love is Lyrical/Contemporary.

So when I heard this version of the song BELIEF by Gavin DeGraw...the madness began again!

So, I find myself, CONSTANTLY thinking about it. And for some reason, the last couple of weeks, it has been BAD. Its KILLING ME!

I think a part of it comes from going to a Hip Hop class and learning again...I think it triggers something in my brain and I'm wrapped up in the frenzy of the Dance world and the passion and obsession that goes along with it!

But its also something about the song that pulls me...wraps itself around my mind and gently begins to embed itself within's crazy! And I don't get a reprieve until I am able to "unload" it!

But then...then...I was listening to my IPOD on shuffle and first song that comes on is BELIEF...torments me...then this song came on right after:

Might as well put my Mind and Heart through a meat grinder! It was almost to the point of depressing I so YEARNED to work and create and move!!! There is just nothing compared to the acoustic version!!!

And seriously! If I don't find a group of advanced contemporary dancers to put these songs to...I'm going to BURST!!!

I haven't felt like this for such a long time. I don't know what to do.

Weird right?

K--well now that you are probably totally confused...and think I'm more crazy then before!

I will say "until tomorrow"!


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