Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Me and Bathrooms don't mix... part 1

I think it's about time that I tell you of another bathroom-HORRIBLE-experience I had.

It may explain the reason why I hate going to the bathroom so much.

Because HORRIBLE, TERRIBLE, EMBARRASSING things happen in bathrooms...things that will be shown on the BIG SCREEN movie of my life for everyone to see...totally humiliating.

I wonder when the movie of your life is showing if it is under a certain category. Like those people that have lots of tragedies in their life, if it will be like--JANE'S life showing in 5 minutes...a short two-heaven-hour drama, you might want to bring a tissue for this one?--

Like for my life. SHELLE'S life showing in 20 minutes...a long 10-heaven-hour COMEDY on bathroom and bodily function won't want to miss it, it will keep you laughing for days!

LOL---that would be kinda funny... :)


I feel if I get it out now...and explain the situation to those that may care or may be embarrassed because their names are attached to mine, like my kids...maybe people and my kids will have pity on my?
K they were like 4 and almost 2 here...OH I LOVE IT! :)

I was at this guys house that I liked.


We can call him Connor. Connor was body and hot hair. The guys locks were prettier than mine...and the thing that made him MOST he didn't even care, he was rugged. I remember him like this:

And since I don't have a REAL picture of him...I've borrowed this Abercrombie and Fitch model to show you what he kind of looked like. :) Your. Welcome.

Connor lived in an older house. Him and his family lived their since he was born and he knew no other home.

I was over visiting him. I had to travel to his parents house so they invited me to stay there. I want to say that Connor liked me back, which is why he convinced his parents to let me sleep over...and I was just ENOUGH wicked to want to do it! lol!

It's was probably around 10:00pm. And we had just decided on a movie we wanted to watch. All I remember is it was a comedy...not much for a romantic atmosphere...but it wasn't like we could do much because I wasn't the ONLY one sleeping friend was with me--SHEESH guys---what kind of girl do you take me for?

Well, we had Mexican food for dinner...Cafe Rio, (one of my FAVORITES)--and my stomach was starting to tell me that it needed to dispose of the stuff, and soon.

Being the lady I am...I had been holding in my flatulence for some time...and my belly was starting to protest. EVERYTHING in there seem to be cramping. So just putting in the movie and before getting settled down...I decided to go to the bathroom.

I should have stuck with my chances of bursting my appendix or stomach or something...because what happened next will be embedded in my mind for all time. I still get a little sicked out when I think about it.

Remember I'm in a old house.

I find the bathroom, let myself in, close the door, LOCK the door, and proceed with business.

Which went along need to fret with that. But I will say, I emptied out a lot, one of those really good ones where you feel 10 lbs lighter.

Then I flushed.

IT started swirling around VERY slowly...

And then NOTHING!

I softly, under my breath, said, OH CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP!

Then I'm stuck with the decision...Do I flush again? Or do I wait a minute and see if all of sudden the toilet decided to do its job and flush itself?

Then I thought PLUNGER!

Okay, no problem I thought to myself, I'll just find a plunger and for PEACE OF MIND, plunge the toilet then flush again.

I frantically start ripping open cabinets.



So...I did it guys...I attempted to flush again.

I KNOW!!! WHY would I DO THAT???

I was Desperate...OKAY! I was desperate...and not thinking straight...out of my mind CRAZY!

Then the WORST of possible WORSTS happened. The stuff didn't go down, but slowly made it's way to the top of the toilet bowl! Like, slow motion slow, like it was taking its time for my inevitable doom! Laughing at me...mocking me...

It finally creeps to the top of the toilet bowl and creeps its way over the side!!!

And then it was like time caught up to me and it started FLOODING the bathroom...and I JUMPED on the counter!

All I could think was..."Only yuck, gross, disgusting people clog toilets! When I yell for help, and unlock the door, I might as well have warts and a GREMLIN face because that is what I will look like to them...they will be completely disgusted with me..." As I sat there in complete shock...somewhere in the back of my brain I knew I needed to call for help!

Pause...this post is getting long.

I'll finish my story tomorrow.



P.S. Would you have made a second flush?

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