Wednesday, July 28, 2010

I have found Satan's Lair

I have found Satan's lair and it's right in the town of where I reside.

Forget the fact that it's insanely hot, over the 100's, and dry as snot. Forget that.

It hides under the name of CrossFit.

My brother--the Black Sheep-the one younger than me. See he's gone through this amazing transition. He's gone from 300 lbs... to well, fit or darn near close to it.

Here's his before and after... not sure how long this will stay up, since I didn't ask if I could post it, he might come karate chop my head off and tell me to take it down.

Anyway he talked so much about this CrossFit that he's been doing that I finally just gave in to try it just to shut him up.

It's an evil place. I call it H.E.L.L. (it's okay to spell it that way, it's not a cuss, my mom said).

Everyday since I started this place I come home barely able to function. Not only do I have to endure a certified trainer yelling things to motivate me like "Come on Shelle" and "Get a little lower in that lunge Shelle" and "There you go Shelle, you got it!"-- and it actually works! Something insides me makes me try to do things quicker and better! And when I leave the place my body curses them. I think they have some kind of motivating spell put on the doors as you enter, because usually when someone tries to tell me what to do I do just the opposite to spite them. Ask my parents and my husband if you don't believe me.

They also have people there doing the Work Outs with you, enduring the same pain, and they are so snarky these people--I don't know how I handle it. They say things like, "Good Job Shelle" and "You can do it" and "Look you are already doing that so much better! You're awesome!" As I drip sweat and gasp for air and my arms and legs scream at me that I can't do even ONE MORE pull up or lunge or kettle bell swing...

Did you know that in H.E.L.L. that lazy is a cuss word? It's true. So sometimes to be the rebel that I am, I'll mutter lazy under my breath just because I can. They don't allow you to get down, they make you push to finish a workout under a certain time that they feel you can complete it in.

It's H.E.L.L. and yet like a zombie I keep going. Everyday I'm sore in a muscle I didn't know I had.

So like a good friend I'm letting you know because if I don't live through this and my body finally shuts down and dies right there in the middle of the CrossFit gym I go to (believe me, it's come close to happening) I want you to know that I was a victim, willing yes, but victim nonetheless.

Now, will someone tell me how to help blisters on my hands? I finally bought gloves, but the ones that I already have had callused and I want to feel like I have girl hands again.


Oh and let me know if you ever join me in H.E.L.L.--misery loves company and that's the truth!

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