I have found Satan's Lair

I have found Satan's lair and it's right in the town of where I reside.

Forget the fact that it's insanely hot, over the 100's, and dry as snot. Forget that.

It hides under the name of CrossFit.

My brother--the Black Sheep-the one younger than me. See he's gone through this amazing transition. He's gone from 300 lbs... to well, fit or darn near close to it.

Here's his before and after... not sure how long this will stay up, since I didn't ask if I could post it, he might come karate chop my head off and tell me to take it down.

Anyway he talked so much about this CrossFit that he's been doing that I finally just gave in to try it just to shut him up.

It's an evil place. I call it H.E.L.L. (it's okay to spell it that way, it's not a cuss, my mom said).

Everyday since I started this place I come home barely able to function. Not only do I have to endure a certified trainer yelling things to motivate me like "Come on Shelle" and "Get a little lower in that lunge Shelle" and "There you go Shelle, you got it!"-- and it actually works! Something insides me makes me try to do things quicker and better! And when I leave the place my body curses them. I think they have some kind of motivating spell put on the doors as you enter, because usually when someone tries to tell me what to do I do just the opposite to spite them. Ask my parents and my husband if you don't believe me.

They also have people there doing the Work Outs with you, enduring the same pain, and they are so snarky these people--I don't know how I handle it. They say things like, "Good Job Shelle" and "You can do it" and "Look you are already doing that so much better! You're awesome!" As I drip sweat and gasp for air and my arms and legs scream at me that I can't do even ONE MORE pull up or lunge or kettle bell swing...

Did you know that in H.E.L.L. that lazy is a cuss word? It's true. So sometimes to be the rebel that I am, I'll mutter lazy under my breath just because I can. They don't allow you to get down, they make you push to finish a workout under a certain time that they feel you can complete it in.

It's H.E.L.L. and yet like a zombie I keep going. Everyday I'm sore in a muscle I didn't know I had.

So like a good friend I'm letting you know because if I don't live through this and my body finally shuts down and dies right there in the middle of the CrossFit gym I go to (believe me, it's come close to happening) I want you to know that I was a victim, willing yes, but victim nonetheless.

Now, will someone tell me how to help blisters on my hands? I finally bought gloves, but the ones that I already have had callused and I want to feel like I have girl hands again.

Thanks.

Oh and let me know if you ever join me in H.E.L.L.--misery loves company and that's the truth!

My Trash Can of Thoughts Friend(s)-- am I the only one?

Do any of you have a good friend over the internet?

And you ONLY know them over the internet?

That's it.

But you are, what you might think of as, really good friends?

Wait, if you're reading this then more than likely you are a blogger?  And even MORE likely you have this kind of "friend"?

Yea, well I have this friend(s) (it may be more than one... just sayin) over the internet... might be YOU, might not be. (You probably can guess if it's you)

Anyway, I was wondering if any of you feel like me sometimes.

I mentally dump so much onto this friend(s). I think of them as somewhat of a trash can for my thoughts. At times I feel so bad because I feel like I may overload them.

I have gotten so use to them being around, that if they are not I kinda feel, well, empty or lost or out of sorts.

I know they actually have lives but being "friends" over the internet kinda makes it seem like they actually LIVE IN the internet.

Does that make sense?

Like logically your brain realizes they have a life, and you read about their life, and you know it's out there, but this friend(s) subconsciously in your mind should always be yours and yours alone. Ya know? Because they are your special mental trash can. And because I haven't actually seen or met them in person I feel like they aren't really real... but the friendship is definitely real! Do you know what I mean? And you just know that if they up and moved right next to you that you would hit it off so well... ya know?

And even after the honeymoon stage of getting to know them online--you still manage to connect in a way that is hard to describe?

And sometimes it's scary to meet these kinds of friend(s) in Real Life because what IF they don't hold up to what you have created for them in your mind? Or what if they meet you and start laughing and think they are being punk'd because YOU don't add up to what they thought of YOU in THEIR minds, and then you lose the one person that was YOUR trash-can-of-thoughts?

Anyone still with me?

*tap* *tap* Anyone out there? Is this thing on?

Anyway--

I need more trash-can-of-thoughts friends (to even out the trash load-because I have many thoughts) and so I thought I'd meet them in REAL LIFE first and THEN make them my "special" online friend, it seems less confusing that way. 

Anyone up for the task?

But then again, I wouldn't trade the one(s) I have right now, and the possibility of meeting them is slim to none, so basically if you are up to hear my thoughts at any random time without warning please apply in my comment box by telling me the color of your teeth--that is an important detail.

Love,

Girl time with PeePs!

I have like five minutes to type this.

I am at a Dance Convention that I put my daughter in. It is her very first one.

Doesn't she look so cute.

She has just been a sponge and has just ate everything up that they have thrown out at her. She's new to all of it so she isn't always sure exactly what's going on, but she has thrown herself into the whole experience and it has been so fun to watch.

It's kind of weird being the MOM in this scenario, since I have always been the dancer... really weird.

Here she is with one of her "favorite" teachers. But you know what? She has named all the teachers at one time or another as her "favorite"... but this is the only pic I have on my phone.

Anyway--I was reminded of something. Did you know that Mom's with fake boobs, and skinny minny bodies, and great tans, and really are just pretty-- are incredibly nice and fun ladies? Yea... they are. I don't judge them, it just surprises me sometimes... I have no idea why? But I thought I'd do ya'll a favor and remind you that they are fun and as goofy as they come!

It's been a blast and I'm sad today is the last day. My daughter and I have had some incredible bonding time, except when I have to drag her kicking and screaming out of the pool, other than that... it's been great girl time for us!

Love,

Shelle

Discussion on Body Image... HOW?

Another Discussion Time:

Body Image.

Okay so if you didn't read my post from yesterday, then this post isn't going to make a whole lot of sense. So scroll down and read. But if you don't, you still will have an opinion, I bet... so maybe forget about the reading below? Who cares. We need to talk regardless.

I wrote yesterday's post because I needed to. I felt compelled to tell you guys that my experience with my before picture came as a surprise and well, there wasn't much I could do about it. THAT'S how I looked whether I liked it or not. I mean my body didn't get that way by itself. It had help. Particularly my hands and mouth and love for food.

Regardless. Whenever I mix ME, and looking at my body, it most always equals a bit of depression and "Whoa is me" sort of mood, maybe some tears if I'm really feeling good and dramatic.

So I was surprised that I reacted by laughing. It wasn't a normal response so I think my subconscious has given up on me and decided that it just doesn't care anymore--so it laughed at me. Either way, that was the whole point of my post. Seriously. Well, that and the video. ROCKED!

But now I want to discuss. Because anytime I bring up BODY IMAGE I almost always get those of you who tell me that you have been through the same thing but have conquered the big FIGHT and have found a place of happiness and peace withIN yourself, particularly your body. You have come to terms, you are now centered, you are whatever is the point where you are OKAY with your body.

My question is HOW? HOW did you get there? How do I tell myself my body looks good when I can look in the mirror and see that it doesn't.

 Am I healthy? By most standards, but not always. I'm not extremely obese or over-weight no, but I'm not slim by any means either. I'm slightly above average (meaning I have some va-voom and junk in the trunk-literally-if you count the Peanut Butter M&M's I ate almost constantly when I was pregnant with my first.)

I don't know where to start? I don't need more confidence or a higher self esteem. I just want to know how you become okay with your body? Even when I WAS in shape, according to society's or should I say main stream media's standards, I was never really okay with it. My body image problem didn't grow over night, it has cultivated itself over many years, it isn't easily overcome.

But I'd like to know how I get there. Do I hypnotize myself? Do I meditate? Do I see a therapist? Do I read some book? (Besides the BofM-cause I's already DONE that yo!)

What do I do?

I'm extremely happy and may I say jealous you are there, to that point. I WANT to be there. I WANT to work on my body and when it gets to the point of NON VOMITNESS in an AFTER picture, I want to be happy with myself. How do I see myself BETTER than I, well, SEE myself?

I know this screwed up way I thwart my body image is half my battle. Mind over matter. I believe that with all of my heart.

So tell me... what did YOU do?

Guys--how are you okay naked with a beer gut and hair on your back? How do you STILL feel sexy?

Girls who are at peace with their weight and body image--HOW did YOU get there? How did YOU change your mind from not being OKAY with your body... to being OKAY with it?

In other news... Some of you were disappointed I didn't share my before picture: Here you go you jerks!

Okay I MAY have gotten that in an People Of Walmart email.  Like I was really going to put my BEFORE picture out there!!!  I'm a sissy, deal with it.  But you get the general idea now of what my butt looks like ;) Come on, that's funny right there. I always tell people to appreciate my LOVE for layering... or else you'd get that picture above!

And I want you also to know how dedicated I am to this new lifestyle change. I did 75 pull ups(among other things in the workout) on a bar (assisted with a rubber band-not going to explain it) and got these suckers.

Take THAT for commitment! (And it's WAY worse in real life)

Okay... discuss away. Tell me your seeing-my-body-image-in-a-better-light SECRETS.

Love,

Sometimes you just need to laugh.

So I have this goal.

And I'm working my way towards it. One year is what I've given myself.

Of course, it has to deal with my body.

I am a very confident person, in all areas of my life, save one.

My body.

I have a very low outlook on my body image, but it doesn't mean I'm not a confident person or have confidence in my abilities, or in myself. It's just means that I have a really screwed up view of how my body looks.

But there are facts that cannot be ignored. Stretch marks from my two kids. Extra weight that likes to sit on my belly, back, and butt. Well it's kind of made it's home for 8 years and doesn't really want to leave. I just sit with this extra 20 pounds, hardly varying in weight.

So I'm doing something about it, but not your regular diet and what not. No, no, no, this is a full on lifestyle change. I've worked out before, I've done diets, I've done almost everything one can think of. I'm an active person. I run and bike. Yet, you wouldn't really be able to tell that just by looking at me. So instead of bawling about it, I'm going to not let my mind and body win any longer.

I go to this place where, let me just say, they try to kill you everyday. But it HURTS so good. You work out with a group of people, but there is a trainer there pumping you up, pushing you to work harder, and telling you if you have the right or wrong technique of things.

I'm taking it a step further and they are actually going to show me how to eat for my body. Did you know that cookies and strawberry frozen yogurt isn't what my body needs? Weird right?

Anyway... what I'm getting at is they encourage you to take a before picture. The ME before the NEW ME sort of deal, before my re-incarnation.

So I did.

Let's just say, maybe my mind's eye wasn't so thwarted on what my body looked like. Maybe it IS as bad as I had imagined...if not worse. GASP!

Instead of crying and throwing myself in the depths of depression after seeing those pics, that my husband took, I laughed.

I laughed and laughed and laughed. I mean gut laughed. Tears rolling down my face. It's absolutely horrid and I couldn't bring myself to be sad about it.

I don't understand why that is. But I feel so renewed. So ready to break free. Or fill in your own cliche.

All I know is sometimes you just need to laugh.

Blogging Mama Andrea sent this video to me. I'm a Lady Gaga fan. It's pretty awesome and she rocks for sending it to me. Watch it!


How are all of you with the whole body image thing?