Monday, February 7, 2011

I think my kids made me prettier

We moved our storage unit stuff into the garage. It saves us a hundred bucks.

I went through things we haven't needed for four years and just gave them away, made it so we could get rid of our storage--okay my husband did a lot of it, but still, it was done.

One of the things we found when we were going through the totes is an old video camera. It is one of those cameras that shot with a small tape, the kind that fit into a VHS tape and then that is how you watched what you recorded was by sticking it in the VHS player.

Anyway...we still had in the case the VHS tape holder and a bunch of tapes. We stuck one in entitled, "The birth of Peeps".

OMGOsh you guys, nostalgia washed over me as I watched the miracle of having my second child, along with hours after when my three year old boy (now 8) came in to see his little sister for the first time.

Adorable doesn't even describe it. Beautiful? Incredible? Goose Bumps kind of moment still doesn't put into words what I was feeling watching that old video. The minute my little boy said, "I'm a brudder" as his big blue eyes looked up at his dad, I could have died right then and been happy.

But, on the opposite side of that, I didn't look so hot. Sure I had just had a baby. But I looked...well, like me, but a more still-trying-to-find-myself me. Ya know? It was weird.

The next tape was the first two years of my marriage. Moments and times spent with family on campouts and vacations. I was so NOT ME. Does that make sense? I watched and felt like I was watching someone else... but knowing it was me. (Don't get me wrong, I felt I looked okay back then living in the moment--) I felt more like I was watching myself still trying to discover myself. Young for sure, but not young and totally gorgeous like a lot of young girls are now... no, I was young and cute but, homely? My husband liked me without makeup, so I'm sure I was convinced that natural beauty was the way to go for me... ha! Or I was just lazy. Or I was camping so there was no need for makeup... thank goodness I learned the importance of makeup and how it can enhance features--but also things such as washing my face and taking pride in what I dressed myself in.

Not that I didn't before.

Crap. This is getting hard to explain.

I look at myself now, and videos, and just things and I feel that I have filled in all the missing parts? Does that make any sense.

I feel more beautiful.

I believe my kids made me prettier. After having my kids I feel more like myself. More understanding of taking care of a person, which includes myself. Deciding that being a good example to them was key to helping them become better people MADE me look at myself and take better care of myself... working out, eating right, continuing to learn, discovering new talents and helping them grow, not giving up when I want to, committing more to who I am spiritually so they have someone to anchor themselves to. All these things adding up to a better me which shows in all of me, physically, mentally, spiritually.

It's crazy.

And hard to explain.

But I just feel now, more me. It may be age and maturity or just that I'm actually finding or have discovered that I have found myself.

I feel prettier. And maybe on a good and very bold day, I'd venture to say sexy.

Okay so now what do you have to add? Do you agree with me? Or think I'm blowing steam out of my nose holes?


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