Tuesday, December 30, 2008

What I learned from SUNBEAM Ryan...

You all had sound advice about my de-follower...and I thank Annie and Mariko for jumping on the Shelle wagon. (You money is in the mail)

After reading all of your replies I grudgingly went to the trash can with my assumed-identity-of-the-defollower and burned her Voodoo doll.

On to the subject of this post.

On Sunday I went radical. Or tried to go radical...it's hard to go radical when you seek attention all of the time, because people sometimes notice the attention seeker has left the building, or is trying to leave the building, and abuse the notion of missing you.

Especially if you are a member of MY ward.

It's insane.

Can't a semi-perfect sunday attending person decide to play HOOKIE once in a while?

It's absurd!

Here is the full story, believe me, you don't want to miss this...there is a moral at the end of this story...

After sacrament commences I rush out of the pew and make my way out the doors into the hallway...except there is an older lady SLOWLY making her way to the same hallway directly in front of me.

I'm like a little kid trying to see around a TALL mans head...poking my body around to the left, can't get by, then poking my body around to the right, still can't get by. I face defeat and shuffle my steps to the same cadence as the older lady. I know at this point that my plan to escape might be thwarted...but I still wanted to take the risk...I could do this, I had stocked up on Milkduds all through the High Councilman's talk...I was on a sugar HIGH!

Finally, I found a space where I could squeeze passed the slowly shuffling old lady and made for my escape, only to be stopped by an old friend from high school who was visiting. CRAP!!! I talked and enjoyed the conversation, but at the back of my mind I could only think of the sweet new pajamas I had gotten for Christmas and the prospect of an HOUR in bed undisturbed.

We said our Goodbyes...

As I make my way up the Hall I run into my husband.

Me: "OH! Hi...you off to class?" Looking quickly right, then left, then guiltily at him.

MSM: Looks at me suspiciously, "Um...are YOU off to class?"

Me: Deciding to be honest, since it was SUNDAY, "No, I'm going to play HOOKIE today...want to come?" Excited as a little kid!

MSM: Starts laughing. "Seriously? You are leaving church?"

Me: "SHHHHHH...." looking left, then right again, then slyly smiling, "Yea."

Then all of a sudden the Primary President taps me on the shoulder.

I jump 10 feet.

Primary President: "Hi, Shelle...we are short a Sunbeam teacher. Could you possibly fill in today?"

Me: Can't say NO if my life depended on it...but I had to this TIME, my LIFE did depend on it, and I wasn't giving in...with the strongest pretend-non-hookie voice I could muster I said, "Sure!"


I endure an hour of singing...pining for my pajamas and hour of undisturbed sleep. As we sing, "If your Happy and you know it clap your Hands"--I STOMPED my feet...that'll show them!!!

We get into class. No manual, no lesson, and 4 big eyed sunbeams.

I pull out the blank papers and crayons and tell them to draw Jesus in the manger, while I speak about Christmas and Santa Claus being the same day as the day we celebrate Jesus' birth...

Finally I look over to Sunbeam Ryan who had tapped me on my arm.

Me: "Hey Sunbeam Ryan." with a fake, if-it-weren't-for-your-teacher-I-would-be-sleeping half smile.

Sunbeam Ryan: "Like my manager?" Eyes all BIG and BLUE and dusted with dirty blonde LONG eyelashes.

Me: Looks over to the squiggles and stick lines drawn in yellow and reply in the most awed voice that I could and said, "Wow Ryan! That is FREAKIN' awesome!"

Sunbeam Ryan: BIG BLUE eyes go wide and he cowers as if I have hit him. And then gasps and shouts to the floor, "YOU SWORE!!!"

Me: "I did! No I didn't, I NEVER swear! What did I say?"

Sunbeam Ryan: Whispers in a still small voice, "you said, 'freakin'."

Me: "You right I did...WOW, I am so sorry, I had NO idea that was a swear word. Please forgive me."

Did you know how hard it was to go without saying FREAKIN for the next 45 minutes. I didn't realize I used the word so much!

But it is always good to learn a lesson on Sunday...and I sure did learn a lesson.

NO, not to avoid Primary Presidents or playing hookie...

But that Freakin' is a swear word. But I will have to admit that Crash has been a bad influence on me GAD TAMN-IT--she has been swearing up a storm according to Sunbeam Ryan's outline for a swear words and they have sort of a charming ring to them, so much so, that they have wiggled their way into my blog vocabulary, their coming OUT being today. I might need an intervention.

i'll let you know.



P.S. Did you know that Freakin' is a swear word? Learn something new everyday! I would like to hear somethings you have learned!!! :)

Other things to read

Blog Archive