Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Port-a-Potty's... I picked door number 3!

Well Memorial Day was filled with the Lake and Jet Ski's and…

Great Scenery

And cute little people that warm my heart…


And people that make me laugh…


And my WHITE legs, arms, and face…

I was a good girl, I put sunscreen on EVERYTHING but my legs.

Why did I forget my legs you ask?

I got DISTRACTED… my niece needed it on her and asked if I would help her… and then… well let's just say you could FRY an egg on the heat coming off of my SO-SAD bright red skin.

I did learn, however, that I actually LIKE the water to be choppy when cruising/speeding along on a Jet ski. You can get some air! Hehehe… a lot of fun! So glad my BIL invites us along! :)

But you HAVE to know that it is DUE time for a bathroom story.

No worries. This one involved a Port-a-Potty!

I'm honestly SCARRED for life. In fact, I have recurring nightmares while I'm AWAKE.

When we get to the Lake we park in the designated parking area. I see a bathroom facility… but is CLOSED down. All there is, is THREE Porta-Potty's off to the side.

I think to myself, "So glad I don't have to go to the bathroom". Fate would prove otherwise. Of course!

Well, bouncing around on a Jet Ski, drinking two water bottles full of water, an apple, and a couple of handfuls of pistachio's later (that I had to de-shell myself…UGH) I honestly couldn't HOLD it or there would be severe consequences.

So I trudge through the unforgiving sand, uphill, to reach the port-a-potty's.

OH MY GOSH/GADNESS/insert expletive here… (I should have taken a hint when I saw that people had peed on the rocks and weeds around the port-a-potty's) first one I open… someone had PEED in the part where you should be able to wash you hands, if for some reason you had WATER to wash your hands with… lift the seat? FILLED! I know guys--I dry heaved also. So I high tail it out of that one.

Hop over to the next one. Someone had an accident ALL over… just all OVER!!! Yea… that time I threw up a little in my mouth. Wasn't going in there.

Last one… NO TOILET paper… but it wasn't FILLED to the top… so that was a plus. So I braved my way back over to the First one and grabbed the toilet paper. Then I had to rely on my thighs to keep me away from the disease infested toilet seat because I wasn't trusting that toilet paper. I was already going to have to use the bare minimum to wipe… and I'm sorry to have to get this out, but I didn't just have to pee which is why I even had to tough my way through that or I would have held it… BELIEVE ME.

I mean, you guys are probably infected with something just reading this.

It was horrible… and I showered for at least a 1/2 hour.

But the BBQ later that night made up for it! :) Okay, not really. But the food was good.

How did you guys fair yesterday?

Love,

Shelle

32 comments:

valerie said...

Ewww. Port-a-potty's are just gross! I'm with you, hold it if you can and if not, good luck!

The Blonde Duck said...

I'm paler than you! Sigh.

Sher said...

Ok, I have to be honest, at the beginnng or your story, I was thinking to myself "Come on, suck it up, it's just a port-o-potty. I've gone in zillions of them. Then I read on. And yep. You're right. That's nast. I would've found a tree to squat behind. Seriously. I'd rather have people see my fat white ass that fall into a pit full of other people's shit.
Sorry, I just came home from a vacation that was more that 50 miles away from home, and I'm still trying to recover.

Barbaloot said...

Oh-I LOVE jet skiing! I'm jealous---but looks like you had lots of fun.

And I've fully forgotten to put sunscreen on my legs before---it's death, right?! My feet even got burnt so bad that they were swollen. Awesome.

The Dennis Wright Family said...

35 Pounds later and I still look as fat as ever or you got to close to me for the pic! Ha! Ha! BUT going to the lake was a BLAST! Especially when I got lost coming back to shore on the jet ski and patroling along the shore in the WRONG COVE for about 20 minutes. Fortunately for me I never got sunburned because I put 50+ sunscreen on my lily white bod! Love you!

Kristina P. said...

So, there was this X-Files episode where this giant fluke worm was hiding in a Port-A-Potty, waiting for someone to sit down so he could infect them. After that, I can't use them, unless it's a dire emergency.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

I hate that part of sun screen. I always forget one place. Ugg. I should probably start using the colored kind.

Sorry about your life scarring incident.

One time at girls camp, we were in charge of cleaning the out houses. We thought we were being clever and had one of the magnetic touch lights, to make it nicer for those going in.

Well of course eventually it fell down inside. This is a huge against the rules violation for which we could be banned from the church property for life.

So our brave YW pres got a stick and fished it out. I was the brave one who caught it in a garbage bag.

We are scarred as well, but due to sleep deprivation, we of course laughed until we had to pee, but no one wanted to.

Good times I tell ya.

Homer and Queen said...

Yeah I would have gone behind a tree!! I am a germ freak anyway...thanks for that creepy shiver!

T said...

I'm so glad that Kristina reminded me of that X-files... else I might have braved the port-a-potties next time we made a jet-skiing trip (LOVE the choppy water... much more fun!)

I usually make everyone pee twice before leaving the house - whether they need to or not... and then I try to ride the fine line between dehydration and needing to pee again before we make it home. Not only do I not want to brave the tin potty, my kids all avoid it like the plague (we've taught them well, no?)

springrose said...

Going to see my Grandpa in a Life Care Center on Sunday, the doors opened and a wall of yucky smelly porta potty/outhouse smell hit us!!! I almost threw up! Nastyness I say, nastyness!

sara said...

I had an almost identical experience this weekend only it involved a public restroom in downtown LA. Seriously gross, but I'm glad I'm not the only one who had to squat and use like 3 squares of TP taken from the only stall in the bathroom that actually had some, but was disgustingly clogged.
I've never seen a full port-a-potty though. Makes you wonder how long those bathrooms have been closed.

The Wixom Zoo said...

We went camping last year where the ONLY potty that was even semi-close to us was overflowing! In situations like that you have to wonder who the genius was that went that last time! LOL!!! We brought our little training potty for the kids and he rest of us squatted behind the bushes. Except for my sister-in-law...she got one (or two) of her daughter's diapers and just peed into them. HAHAHAHA!!!! Good times.

shannon said...

Why is it that I'm always drawn to potty stories?--What does this say about me? :(

Sounds like you had a great day, regardless of the porta-potty mishap...

Dopp Family said...

I can't believe the first port-a-potty was that full!! That's disgusting!!

I love the pictures of your family! Sounds like you had a lot of fun yesterday. :)

Daddy Geek Boy said...

Was it the bathroom from "Trainspotting" bad or the outhouse from "Slumdog" bad?

Either way...pretty bad.

Youngblood4ever said...

I threw up a little in my mouth just reading about that. EWWWW! So sad for you. You are seriously one brave soul.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Blonde Duck... I'd like to challenge you on that!!! lol!

Anyway, guys... I'm not being all FEMALE drama here... it REALLY was that GROSS...

Honestly... do you feel icky now? Cause you should... you should feel really icky... those things were not NORMAL Port-a-Pottys... those things were brought up from H*LL! I"m telling you...

TentCamper said...

Port-o-potties are nasty as can be.
I can't wait...1 month until we spend 2 weeks a the lake house in GA.
I never burn and have a year round tan :)
Glad you had a great weekend...so did Mariah and I!

John Deere Mom said...

Um, I would have slipped off the jet ski, peed in the lake, and skipped out on the whole porta-potty thing. And I can't quite believe I just said that. But there you go.

Melinda said...

I totally would have peed in the lake, there's fish pee and poop and crap in there, who cares?! But you did have to go #2, so you can't really do that anywhere else huh. Seriously, porta-potty's are nasty. Sorry you had another bathroom 'incident'! :D

The Bayou Belles and Their Beau said...

I seriously try to avoid all port-a-potties. La Petite Belle will vomit if she has to use one. She would rather pee on herself.

wendy said...

Oh Yeah, I am dry heaving just reading this --and will go take a shower incase anything came through this post --gotta be careful, swine flu and all -----or porta potty pandemic.

Anjeny said...

OMG I feel soooooo grossed out I couldn't remember how my day went. Girl, I don't know what to say...you're a total bathroom incident prone. You are one brave chick to go through all that just to use the bathroom...hopefully everything else went well for ya.

Malea said...

Didn't your mama teach you how to wiz in a lake? Girl, I thought you were raised right!!???

Becky said...

Geez! You and your potty stories, lady. You have a gift (or is it a curse?).

Now, please excuse me. I need to go wash my hands. And maybe the rest of me too.

Morgan and Derek said...

Oh you poor dear. I do believe my life would have flashed before my eyes. So glad you survived.

April said...

Can't....shut.....my....mouth.....ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!

H.K. said...

Port a Potty's are disgusting! But, then again there is the lake...

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

Eww! But I can always count on you for a good potty story. I'd rather do just about anything than do the porta potty. Even the woods sound inviting...

Susan said...

My kids think the goal of heading into a porta potty is to come out describing what sits at the bottom of the hole. I can't STAND the smell..

vomit...

Ew.

BTW, your pictures and family are beautiful!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

ha ha ha Another great story to go down in your hall of potty shame. ;)

And that photo of you has some serious proportion issues. You look like a little girl next to a giant.

Was that rude? I'm just sayin.

And your porcelain skin is lovely, btw.

Anonymous said...

Loved the story. I've had my share of gross portapotty experiences as well, although probably nowhere as near as yours. I'm involved with outdoor flea markets, and most use portapotties. They get very heavily used and it is not surprising to find a mound of tp and, well, you know. I try to look at it this way: people have to go to the bathroom, and I do too. So I go in and do what I need to do, including #2s. Although the portapotty might not be the most pleasant, the relief of a much-needed pee or bowel movement is worth it (as compared to going in yuor panties). -- Megan

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