To the Middle Aged Couple in the parking lot...

To the Middle Aged Couple strolling down the middle of the parking lot:

GGGGAAAAHHHH!!! WHY must you walk down the middle of the row of cars??!!??!! Walk on one side or the other so that those of us who are driving vehicles don't have the urge to teach you a lesson and bump your butt because you feel like you can take all the time in the world to walk to your car down the MIDDLE OF THE ROW OF CARS in the parking lot!!!

Do you not HEAR me behind you or at least my car?

Can you not FEEL the animosity shooting from every pore of my body???

I flipped you off in four different languages (in my mind because I do TRY to be a lady).

I know I pretend to KNOW about etiquette, but really I slink my way through it most of the time... I KNOW! GASP! You are shocked right??!!??

But it's true... I'm ashamed to say, I never attended an etiquette school, the closest thing I got to learning how to be a lady was when I tried out for our city pageant, and I spaced out on most of the lesson until we came to plucking our eyebrows, believe me when I tell you... it's DIFFICULT To space out when someone is picking at your UNIBROW!!! And A LOT embarrassing.

Wait... where was I? Oh yes, jerky jerks in the parking lot...

But HONESTLY... SERIOUSLY... it's not Rocket Science here people.

There is a row of cars.

When walking your cart down to your car, or walking yourself into the store... PLEASE please please walk on either said of the row of cars... no need to be a prick and walk right in the middle of the lane.

Just saying...

Brought to you by Shelle's standard of etiquette.

Have a good Monday!

The winner for the Random Thought Amazon Gift card will be announced tomorrow... I need help deciding which one I liked best! So I'm forcing asking MSM to read them with me and help decide for FAMILY NIGHT! :)

Love,



P.S. SciFi Dad is Guest contributing and wrote about the first time he met his IN-LAWS over at Real World Venus vs. Mars today! You GUYS... it's SO funny! Go tell him what you think...

To the Lady who Fluffed in my Face

Dear Lady Who Fluffed in my Face--

I was a little creeped out anyway when you were right next to me as I was getting all of our stuff on the security belt.

Then standing so close to me as I was waiting to go through the security gate that I could feel your breath on my neck.

But while I was getting all of my stuff back on and tucked in and laced up...did you HAVE to crowd me then?

And then...THEN...when I bent down to put my shoes on...did you HAVE to wait and FLUFF just at that exact moment? It wasn't even a silent fluff...

OH.MY.GASH....it was HORRIBLE. In fact I coughed because it was like getting slapped in the face with the most horrible rotten-egg-smell EVER to whaft through and up my nose!!!

I looked up at you SURPRISED...

But ALL you did was look the complete innocent to the crime I FULL on knew you committed.

I lost it when my son, DCAR,said, "EEEWWWW!!! What is that smell Mom?"

I didn't even feel bad when I laughed and laughed and laughed...you know, when you HAVE to laugh but your not suppose to, so it makes NOT laughing even HARDER??? Like in Church?

Yea...well, at least I reacted that way...instead of turning around and drop kicking you for making me smell you!

I mean...

It wasn't ME crowding your space...YOU were crowding mine!

Forgive me if it took a minute to get Me, my boy, AND my daughter all undressed to go through security and then RE-dressed after we got through security!

And now that I think about it...so HELP me if you fluffed by my face on PURPOSE!

I just hope...what GOES around...comes AROUND, in your instance!

Love,

Shelle

High Heeled Flip Flops in the SNOW?

***UPDATE: Hey the tally is in...Emily/Sewl is our DECEMBER winner!!! Send me your address via email and I'll get that amazing purse out to you!!! oh and the gift cards! :)

Thanks for playing guys!!! it was tons of fun for me this time! :)

So apparently when I marked on the poll that people could vote for more than one person or many times...it still recognizes you computer address and sometimes doesn't let you vote...so then you have to go in and erase your cookies for it to allow you to vote again on that same address...

Crazy weird!

I know...

But whatever you guys want to do!

It has snowed for the past two days where I live...

To most of you that is not remarkable, but where I live, it is pretty much amazing because it only snows, IF EVER, once maybe twice, and then doesn't stick throughout the day.

School was even canceled because they don't really have the necessary equipment to remove the snow from the ground to make it safe to drive...even though the roads are just slushy, more like a really bad rain storm, and I just chuckle because coming from a place that snowed ALL.THE.TIME and even held the winter Olympics one year...

It's laughable. :)

But people that live here all their lives or have lived here for awhile, and don't get out much (I was once that person and I miss it terribly, terribly) freak out to drive in the snow even if it is just starting to snow...we opt to stay inside, deciding not to BRAVE the hazardous, non stick to the ground snow.

I'll admit I was surprised that the snow stuck to the ground over night...and we probably have like 3 inches deep on our front lawn...

Okay, it's laughable...hahahaha...my kids are stoked though, so we are off to build a snowman...which will melt by end of day today or end of day tomorrow. Such a short life for a brave DESERT snowman or snowgirl, as PeePs is determined it will be.

So let me just send out this letter to the lady I encountered at Walmart:

Dear Lady at Walmart wearing Flip-Flop Heels:

I understand we live in the desert. I understand that sometimes it seems pretty much pointless to buy any sort of toe covered shoe, flip-flops are the easiest and most convenient, when you add the heel you get the add height along with an edge of classy, depending upon the style of shoe (excluding the picture I found on the left off of Google images), yet, it DOES get cold in the winter, and it WAS snowing and sticking pretty good last night.

So I just wanted to blog out my advice to you...when it is snowing and sticking to the ground, yet not freezing outside, it pretty much means its going to be wet, slushy, and slippery for flip-flop heels.

Payless Shoe Source is having its BOGO sale right now, and you can get some pretty comfy, yet stylish, toe covered shoes on sale. I'll buy one, then let you buy another for half off!

I'm a giver that way.

I just don't find it fair to your feet to leave them naked when the rest of you is nice and bundled up? Even your head was covered, you big bushy warm coat, you thick pleated wool pants, but then your feet had only its thong on!

So sad, and somewhat prejudice for your feet.

So take me up on my offer and get those feet covered up for the winter.

Say NO to the thong and YES to the boot for the winter!

Plus it will save you from the humiliating half-slip-half-split I witnessed on your way in.

That's what I'm here for...advice...and, YOUR WELCOME :)

Love,

Shelle

P.S. to all those thong high heeled flip flops winter wearers out there...I love you...but please heed my advice or don't get offended by my harsh true words, because come Spring and Summer that choice of shoe apparel will be in style and there will be no letters forth coming!

Classy or Trashy?

I was over talking with my brother and sister-in-law when all of a sudden my SIL starts laughing with excitement, "Shelle, you have to write a letter on your blog about this girl I saw at the store the other day!"

But when she told me what she SAW...I wanted to bring you guys in on the discussion. So here we go.

My SIL says that those tattoo's stretched out along a girls lower back is a "Tramp Stamp" or something like that...the details are escaping me because I only had two hours of sleep last night...I think it's funny...and I laugh everytime she says it! (I don't feel at ALL that all women with their lower backs tattoo are tramps...if I'm completely honest, some of them are very cute and look good...just letting you know)...but for this story I feel the name Tramp Stamp is appropriate!

Don't get me wrong...I think some tattoo's have artistic beauty. I can appreciate it, and them.

Me? I'll never get one...because I hate pain...and my body is my temple and all of that.

But I guess she was walking along, minding her precious newly-mother business when she see's a Tramp Stamp on this girls back that reads...and let me bold it so that you don't miss it...it reads: "Doggie Style".

Great! Now I'm going to get a bunch of pervie's googling that phrase and finding my site...HEY...YOU'RE NOT WELCOME!

Anyway, going on!

WTFH??? (What The Freakin' Heck). Is she kidding? Temporary Tattoo for Halloween to get a rise out of people such as myself and my SIL?

If I were to have written a letter I would have made fun of it and pretty much been sarcastic about it the whole time...it would have gone something like this:

Dear Trailer-Trash Lady with the Tramp Stamp:

My SIL walking through the store today saw your precious love for DOGS. But I'm afraid that the tattoo artist did your sweet, humble, and caring message the wrong way...because what it looks like is that you are advertising your favorite...

your favorite...

well position.

YECK!

That wasn't your intention at all? I know you were just trying to be witty and share your love about "Mans Best Friend" by putting a hip phrase on the lower part of your back for everyone to see when you bend over, wear short shirts, or low jeans...I know that, but everyone else might not.

Even trying to defend you and make you understand in this letter puts up a lot of innuendo's! Oh well...

Your stand to show your permanent love for dogs...0r those resembling dogs...has gone astray, no pun intended.

Love Shelle.

That is how I would have written it...knowing full well why she put the tattoo on her back and what the REAL meaning of it is.

But what I really want to say is--that is just TRASHY! Why advertise something like that? I mean, it was done to get attention obviously...but there are a lot better ways, and not as permanent, to obtain attention.

I mean...what if she gets sick of that style? She has just taken her choice in the matter out of the equation...

HHHmmmm...

So what do you think? Would you call that particular tattoo Trashy or Classy?

Shelle

P.S. Just to warn you ahead of time...if you say Classy in this case then I must ban you from my list of intelligent people...

If you laugh and say you don't mind...that's okay...I understand that, I'm one with laughter and throwing opinion away with the wind! :)

JUST ANOTHER REMINDER...Please those of you that are crafty, artistic, and talented...or just have something you want to give-away, like a Gift card you will never use! DONATE to my CONTEST! Click HERE to read some very funny posts--you will LOVE them!!! Check out the links...I think it will be big and I think it will be a lot of fun...so you won't be wasting your talents...and I will promote and word-of-mouth you until I am blue in the face and then some!!! Send me an email if you want to do or give or donate anything at blokthoughts@gmail.com!

Dear Gum Smacking Lady at Spin Class

Dear Gum Smacking Lady at Spin Class:

Hi...

I don't know you. I don't...not at all, in fact, the very first time I laid eyes on you was last Tuesday at Spin Class.

I usually don't know anybody I write these blog letters to, which is why I write them...

Anyway...

I have a few things I need to enlighten you with. First things first. Please, please, please don't chew gum while you're exercising, not only could you CHOKE AND DIE (growing up dancing...I saw plenty of choking-near-death-experiences), but it is EXTREMELY annoying. Really! I know your friend next to you doesn't seem to mind, but she is being nice.

I was the girl...heaving, red cheeks, and sweating profusely, with the black shirt and shorts to cover my excessive "soft" fat places that seem to bulge over when I sit...and in spin class...you sit, I was two bikes down from you.

Hi...that was me.

But even over the instructor yelling in the mike, "It's ONLY a minute, you can do ANYTHING for a minute" (yea, right...like my heart stopping), the music, and my heavy breathing/panting, was YOU chomping and chomping and chomping away. It's enough to drive a crazy person...CRAZY!

I kept looking over at you...giving you the evil eye...trying to get you to notice your loud-obnoxious-gum-smacking-chomping-chewing-of-the-mouth technique...but to no avail. You were in your zone...and I was left listening to you chomp away. It was like nails scratching on a chalk board!

But...

A small part of me also wants to thank you.

I was concentrating SO hard on trying to get you to STOP chomping your gum...or at least trying to IGNORE you chomping your gum...that I didn't even notice my chest burning...and I ALWAYS notice my chest burning, because it hurts, and I dread it everytime.

My doctor tells me that I am pushing to hard if my chest burns...but I do it anyway, because like the instructor says, "You can do ANYTHING for a mintute"...which I can, I really can...it's just combining those minutes to make 50 minutes...that is when it gets me...

But thanks to you...didn't even notice last Tuesday...all I remember is...SMACK...CHOMP...CHEW...POP...SMACK...CHOMP...CHEW...POP. In fact...I felt my legs moving to the rhythm of your smacking...totally annoying!

So now writing this letter I'm torn. You were annoying/irritating, but it helped distract me...hmmm...either way, I guess I don't want you to choke and worse case scenario, die. So for the sake of interrupting class with a choking episode...leave the gum at home.

Love,

Shelle

Do you chew gum while you exercise?

Letter to the Lady in Zumba Class...

Letter to the Lady in Zumba Class--

Okay, so this new phenomenon called Zumba...totally fun! I shake my hips like there is no tomorrow and get down with my bad self...ahhh the love of sweating and burning calories. It's like a sisterhood...and sometimes one brotherhood...that we all get together to shake our things if you know what I mean! I haven't worked my hips like that since, well, since a while back.

I'll admit I was late getting to class..by three minutes...and everyone already had their place set to work out! I chose somewhere in the back, even though it's against everything I was taught...but I needed a place in the mirror, because how can you work your "thang" if you can't see yourself? Plus there were a handful of beautiful polynesian ladies who have taken or are teaching polynesian dance and KNOW how to move their hips...I needed to make sure I wasn't being out shone.

After a warm up song or two (I tend to make the first workout song a warm up song, just working into it ya know?)...you slowly were moving in front of "my space". I kindly would move right our left, mostly left, more mirror for me, to be in your "window" so I could vainly see myself in the mirror...but you weren't having it...it's like you NEEDED to deny me of mirror time?

What did I ever do to you? !

You already were smaller than me, and I don't mean shorter. You were definitely tanner than me...okay you're right, that doesn't mean anything because EVERYONE is tanner than me...but if I dare say you were even cuter than me...REALLY THOUGH, who puts make up on for Aerobics class?

That reminds me, since I'm writing this letter anyway...could you keep it casual next time? It's hard to REALLY get the full effect of my red cheeks and winded breath when I have you to compare myself with!

Okay...back to the REAL complaint...next time, when I dutifully choose a spot...could you please stay out of it? I couldn't see myself with you hippin' your way over in front of me!

There is an unwritten rule in dance and aerobic classes everywhere...NEVER invade someone's groovin' space...which is a 3 -5 foot circumference around each individual. The fine print says that if there is a REALLY full class then that circumference is obviously going to be smaller...BUT if there is not, which was our case on Friday, then let a girl have her mirror and circumference space!

That is all...let this letter not get in the way of our potential friendship. Aside from the fact that you are a floor hog...I got the vibe that you were a pretty nice person. Don't let the fact that your cute and skinny get in the way of that! :)

Okay, well until this Friday...hope you have a good week!

Shelle

Anyone else ever have a girl like this in their dance/aerobics class? If so...was she tall, skinny, tan, nice set of white straight teeth, with beautiful long Auburn hair? Maybe there are others of you out there that have been her victim also?

Just wondering.

:)

Letter to creepy guy that winked at me on his motorcycle...

Dear Creepy Guy Who Winked and at Me and Gave Me the Silent Kiss on Your Motorcycle:

It's not just that you looked like Dwight from THE OFFICE (I know second time I've mentioned that show in two posts), nor is it the fact that your Motorcycle looked like you stole it from the 60's and the rust was painted on...but it's that you WINKED and Silent Kissed at me?

There I was, waiting to turn right into the flow of traffic, minding my business, in my white Nissan Van pimpin' style...when I see you turning left coming towards me. Then you stare...and I'm like what?

Then you mouth something, I'm not a lip reader so I didn't pick it up, and then you gave me the wink and the silent kiss? **shudder**

I sat there dumbfounded...frozen in place while my opportunity to turn right passes by me. A horn honks and brings me back to the real world. I again look left and when an opening comes to turn right into the flow of traffic I take it.

I pulled out my phone and raced to catch up with you...there is NO way the dedicated readers of my humble and personal blog would do your nerdiness on a motorcycle look justice in their minds...I wanted a picture...I NEEDED proof. I failed.

You were too fast for me...your old rustic looking motorcycle, I'm assuming on its last days, out paced my too-hot-for-pimpin' van because I froze under pressure.

It was like high school all over again...where only the guys I didn't want after me...gave me the time of day. How many times have I fantasized about a hot guy off of a Abercrombie and Fitch Ad-ride up on his hot Harley Motorcycle and look over, see me, and give me that sexy wink with the seductive kiss because he just couldn't help himself...(really not many...but if I did...that is exactly how it would go)...but you pushed me back into time with that wink and silent kiss...you reminded me of my pure luck to draw in the Dwight-type guys...the ones that I LOVED to talk to, but didn't want to kiss...

"Don't feel bad...everyone has different taste...there is someone out there for you...it's ME not YOU!"

My advice to you would be:

*-Don't go winkin' and silent kissin' at ANY type of van because more than likely they are married and won't be interested anyway.
*Don't wink or silent kiss at all...it's creepy...have someone video you doing it, you'll understand.
*Buy a helmet (full faced), buy some leathers...and play the part...do it for your victims--unsuspecting ladies such as myself. Don't cause others to have to go through what I did...you might cause an accident...and not in a good way.
*If you are going to be so bold as to wink and silent kiss at anyone you pass by to throw them off kilter--have the guts to slow down so they can catch up with you and take your picture to show their fellow bloggy friends! Cause they won't believe me...

You understand how that might be a problem right?

Sincerely,

Shelle

P.S. If you could leave a comment and let everyone know that what I am saying right now is true...that would be awfully nice of you...maybe include a picture of yourself on your motorcycle and a link to it?

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH....I so wish I had been able to get a picture. Really!

One last thing...and I'm out...I'm not going to announce who I'm voting for, I am not one to argue politics...I did however watch the Republican Convention tonight and I'm just going to throw this out there...DANG...PALIN knows how to give a speech!

and...buh bye!
********************************************************************
Oh wait...I got some more awards...seriously, when you beg--Things start to happen :) But better than actually receiving the awards is giving them out! WHOOOHOO!

Here we go:
Untypically Jia gave me this and I want to hug her so tight...because I LOVE that she has this badge that says "ROCK ON" because I use to say that all the time in my high school coolio days!

So deserving of this award--and rules are you have to give it to Three other WOMEN you think ROCK! Then you have to let them know you gave them the award (which I'm not very good at BTW) Easy enough right? Wrong...because I have to narrow it down...and I really hate doing that...yet I love having the power to do it! It's like I'm pulling apart two parts of my soul! anyhow...
1. He Played Seven : First because she let me take pictures of her BEAUTIFUL five children...AND she claims she likes them...which makes us now eternally bonded! Plus I LOVE the way she writes and laughs at life...like myself!
2. Brooke: Because I LOVE talking to her...I actually KNOW her and see her in the outside world...and she won one of my Giveaways which was the TWILIGHT one...and she is going to read it for me (actually for her but I like to assume I am her good influence!)
3. Shannon from my HOOD (you know who you are):
She is one strong woman...I look up to her...and I laugh almost every time I read one of her posts! Plus she is a friend from way back...she gets me!

Then Merrianne gave me this award:


There is no rules to this award--so I am awarding it to: Marie She has just fallen into peer pressure and is going to read TWILIGHT--love ya Marie, Kritta22, BINKS, ABRITDIFFERENT, Untypically Jia, Fam Five, Mrs. B, and American in Norway--because I heart you guys...I read you and you make me think or laugh...plus you are new friends that I feel like I've known forever!

NO PRESSURE...sending these on-but if you know someone that deserves a cool blog award button! JUST DO IT!

Letter to Lady with Witch Nose...

Dear Lady with a Witch Nose and a British Accent:

After traveling through the night on the red eye flight to JFK from the West, I dragged myself over to the Gate that would lead us on the plane that would fly us over to London. I sat down...there was only I (because my Mom and Husband had to go to the restroom), and you, and your Husband. Our backs where to each other. I smiled to myself because I loved hearing that wonderful British Accent...I could not pick up everything because you were talking so fast...and for some reason...the British Accent is hard for me to understand at such a pace as you were speaking.

My husband came over and it was finally my turn to head to the bathroom and grab some breakfast. At that same moment you got up...and I saw...and being the RUDE, stupid person that I am, I stared (remember that annoying habit that I talked about in this post?)
Your nose was one I had NEVER seen before...not even on TV...it was the best and realist witch nose I had ever seen. It was as magnificent as what I had imagined in my mind on any book that had a witch and described such a nose. It's (the nose) was very LONG (when I say long I mean Pinocchio size after just one lie...so maybe about two itches) and THIN and just slightly crooked. There was something on the edge of it...I assumed a mole because it befits the look, but to be honest, you might have just had a booger just picked or something? I don't know.

When I stared you looked me straight in the eye and smiled.

What I loved most...is the nose, on you, looked not out of place. It fit you...it fit your face I mean...since I don't know you personally.

You are so supremely confident of yourself. I loved it...in fact I was fascinated by it. Your husband couldn't get enough of you (the PDA was a little over board...but I get it, I do)...you have two really cute sons, who I could tell after the two hours of stalk-watching you through lowered eyes, adored the living heck out of you (or put on a really good show...but for whom? I wouldn't know).

Your voice had such a great lilt to it...your accent almost more old school...very proper.

I went to the bathroom, it was uneventful...I'm not sure what happened from the time I left you...with the confidence of a queen, getting mauled by your boyfriend/husband/lover, and your two boys hanging on your every word...

To the lady/witch I came back to...but that smile you had for me...was gone.

That nice lilting accent was turned into a screechy, whiny, and unpleasant voice.

I decided to sit down again with my back toward you after you caught me standing like a statue watching you speak, watching the tip of your nose move while your face was scowling and your lip was slightly curled, and you gave me an icy stare...in your eyes I read--"What you lookin' at Witch? (but with a "B")."

This is the part where you will lose all faith in me...the part where I show my true colors...because after I sat down...

I smiled...laughed a little...

Because the way your voice sounded and the way you looked at me...combined with your nose...you truly where living up to the reputation the nose bore for you.

Again it was magnificent...and I couldn't hold anything against you...I was the one staring, caught off-guard by the Halloween-too-real-ness of it...I deserved the icy stare.

But if you only knew why I was staring...not in judgement or contempt or to be truly mean...I was staring because I was in awe, you would have given me the smile instead...I am sure of it!

Thanks for that...thanks for keeping me occupied for the two hour lay over we had in JFK...even though you weren't doing anything but being yourself.

If I would have been stronger or cooler I would have gone over to you and talked with you, asked your name, and gotten to know the person behind the nose, maybe even taken a picture with you. But I didn't...I chickened out and created in my mind what I thought suited you...

and it kept me entertained...

Your friend,

Shelle

P.S. If you read this recognize this as you...I just wanted to say, you are welcome at my home anytime you visit the states again! I hear people love where I live...that I don't appreciate the beauty of it...so your welcome anytime...we always have an extra room! But your boys will have to sleep on the tramp outside!

Don't get me wrong...the lady seemed really nice...I was half drugged on sleeping pills, so who knows what I saw was REALLY what I saw, but my Mom was there and confirmed the look of it, but she was also drugged by sleeping pills...hmmm...

I had to write the "blog letter" because it was truly one of the best things about my trip... But to be honest, maybe she didn't even really exist? Maybe I'm making her up or my mind was? I have tried not to take those things again...I felt really whacked out!

...but if she was real... I wish I had at least talked to her!

Or maybe that's the sleeping pills talking! :)

Have a good Tuesday!