Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Letter to Lady with Witch Nose...

Dear Lady with a Witch Nose and a British Accent:

After traveling through the night on the red eye flight to JFK from the West, I dragged myself over to the Gate that would lead us on the plane that would fly us over to London. I sat down...there was only I (because my Mom and Husband had to go to the restroom), and you, and your Husband. Our backs where to each other. I smiled to myself because I loved hearing that wonderful British Accent...I could not pick up everything because you were talking so fast...and for some reason...the British Accent is hard for me to understand at such a pace as you were speaking.

My husband came over and it was finally my turn to head to the bathroom and grab some breakfast. At that same moment you got up...and I saw...and being the RUDE, stupid person that I am, I stared (remember that annoying habit that I talked about in this post?)
Your nose was one I had NEVER seen before...not even on TV...it was the best and realist witch nose I had ever seen. It was as magnificent as what I had imagined in my mind on any book that had a witch and described such a nose. It's (the nose) was very LONG (when I say long I mean Pinocchio size after just one lie...so maybe about two itches) and THIN and just slightly crooked. There was something on the edge of it...I assumed a mole because it befits the look, but to be honest, you might have just had a booger just picked or something? I don't know.

When I stared you looked me straight in the eye and smiled.

What I loved most...is the nose, on you, looked not out of place. It fit you...it fit your face I mean...since I don't know you personally.

You are so supremely confident of yourself. I loved it...in fact I was fascinated by it. Your husband couldn't get enough of you (the PDA was a little over board...but I get it, I do)...you have two really cute sons, who I could tell after the two hours of stalk-watching you through lowered eyes, adored the living heck out of you (or put on a really good show...but for whom? I wouldn't know).

Your voice had such a great lilt to it...your accent almost more old school...very proper.

I went to the bathroom, it was uneventful...I'm not sure what happened from the time I left you...with the confidence of a queen, getting mauled by your boyfriend/husband/lover, and your two boys hanging on your every word...

To the lady/witch I came back to...but that smile you had for me...was gone.

That nice lilting accent was turned into a screechy, whiny, and unpleasant voice.

I decided to sit down again with my back toward you after you caught me standing like a statue watching you speak, watching the tip of your nose move while your face was scowling and your lip was slightly curled, and you gave me an icy stare...in your eyes I read--"What you lookin' at Witch? (but with a "B")."

This is the part where you will lose all faith in me...the part where I show my true colors...because after I sat down...

I smiled...laughed a little...

Because the way your voice sounded and the way you looked at me...combined with your nose...you truly where living up to the reputation the nose bore for you.

Again it was magnificent...and I couldn't hold anything against you...I was the one staring, caught off-guard by the Halloween-too-real-ness of it...I deserved the icy stare.

But if you only knew why I was staring...not in judgement or contempt or to be truly mean...I was staring because I was in awe, you would have given me the smile instead...I am sure of it!

Thanks for that...thanks for keeping me occupied for the two hour lay over we had in JFK...even though you weren't doing anything but being yourself.

If I would have been stronger or cooler I would have gone over to you and talked with you, asked your name, and gotten to know the person behind the nose, maybe even taken a picture with you. But I didn't...I chickened out and created in my mind what I thought suited you...

and it kept me entertained...

Your friend,

Shelle

P.S. If you read this recognize this as you...I just wanted to say, you are welcome at my home anytime you visit the states again! I hear people love where I live...that I don't appreciate the beauty of it...so your welcome anytime...we always have an extra room! But your boys will have to sleep on the tramp outside!

Don't get me wrong...the lady seemed really nice...I was half drugged on sleeping pills, so who knows what I saw was REALLY what I saw, but my Mom was there and confirmed the look of it, but she was also drugged by sleeping pills...hmmm...

I had to write the "blog letter" because it was truly one of the best things about my trip... But to be honest, maybe she didn't even really exist? Maybe I'm making her up or my mind was? I have tried not to take those things again...I felt really whacked out!

...but if she was real... I wish I had at least talked to her!

Or maybe that's the sleeping pills talking! :)

Have a good Tuesday!

16 comments:

Kritta22 said...

I stinkin have no idea what she loves!! I'll keep trying but I think I'm not cut out for scavenger hunts. I skim read so I don't catch all of what she says...oh well!! Maybe they'll give hints! :)

Kritta22 said...

I love the nose story! I totally wish you would have got a picture too! You need to think about your readers! :)
Next time, next time!

Alyson said...

What a great letter! It was fun to read. Great descriptions!

I wandered over here from mormon mommy blogs, btw.

Kritta22 said...

R u still on here?
They are having a giveaway over at momdot within the hour! Come play if you can!

Kaci said...

Hilarious! I wanna see a picture too! LOL! :)

Dolly said...

I can totally see her face in my mind-wow! She was scary and fun to watch at the same time :)I'm a people watcher too.

Kritta22 said...

Alright my friend! After searching for seriously 2 hours, some girls gave me some hints. It's her daughter's name...no capital. Starts with a C

Kritta22 said...

you better start pulling your weight around here, chica!! LOL I'm totally kidding!! I'm just glad you are excited about it!!

Kritta22 said...

okay the next one is mom generation.
then the next one is blush.
Her daughter's name is charlotte.

You better get cracking! :)

brooken'dus said...

I love your letter! Man what kind of letter would you write to me?? Actually I don't think I want to know!! Just kiddin!
Ok so I'm really not a bum and a flake I didn't forget that I told you we would go out but I just got back from Vegas last night and have had madness at my house today and it will continue tonight trying to get my kids "back in the groove" and my cousin is going through the temple tomorrow night and Thursday night I'm getting my hair done (belive me it needs it bad!!)....So.....perhaps Friday or we can try next week?!?! Letta me know!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shannon said...

LOL Love your letter! I've got a picture in my head from your descriptions but wish you had taken a pic of her! hee hee!

Kritta22 said...

I don't have any but what do you use...I'll get whatever you want!! MSN messenger or yahoo! You tell me chica!

binks said...

I totally have a picture in my head.
ME!!
I did a Halloween party about 10 years ago with a really, long witch nose. I put green makeup on my face and my fake nose. It really looked like my real nose. Talk about stares. The little trick or treaters actually stopped and stared with dropped jaws.

~T. said...

In reply to your comment ROFL never said I could eat it and not have to exercise, I just don't exercise haha
But now I have to, it stinks....

MomMega said...

I really wish you had snuck in a picture!! Although I feel like I have a good picture in my head...

Jenni said...

Oh, I hate those I-know-I-shouldn't-stare-but-I-just-can't-help-it moments!!

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