Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Dear Gum Smacking Lady at Spin Class

Dear Gum Smacking Lady at Spin Class:

Hi...

I don't know you. I don't...not at all, in fact, the very first time I laid eyes on you was last Tuesday at Spin Class.

I usually don't know anybody I write these blog letters to, which is why I write them...

Anyway...

I have a few things I need to enlighten you with. First things first. Please, please, please don't chew gum while you're exercising, not only could you CHOKE AND DIE (growing up dancing...I saw plenty of choking-near-death-experiences), but it is EXTREMELY annoying. Really! I know your friend next to you doesn't seem to mind, but she is being nice.

I was the girl...heaving, red cheeks, and sweating profusely, with the black shirt and shorts to cover my excessive "soft" fat places that seem to bulge over when I sit...and in spin class...you sit, I was two bikes down from you.

Hi...that was me.

But even over the instructor yelling in the mike, "It's ONLY a minute, you can do ANYTHING for a minute" (yea, right...like my heart stopping), the music, and my heavy breathing/panting, was YOU chomping and chomping and chomping away. It's enough to drive a crazy person...CRAZY!

I kept looking over at you...giving you the evil eye...trying to get you to notice your loud-obnoxious-gum-smacking-chomping-chewing-of-the-mouth technique...but to no avail. You were in your zone...and I was left listening to you chomp away. It was like nails scratching on a chalk board!

But...

A small part of me also wants to thank you.

I was concentrating SO hard on trying to get you to STOP chomping your gum...or at least trying to IGNORE you chomping your gum...that I didn't even notice my chest burning...and I ALWAYS notice my chest burning, because it hurts, and I dread it everytime.

My doctor tells me that I am pushing to hard if my chest burns...but I do it anyway, because like the instructor says, "You can do ANYTHING for a mintute"...which I can, I really can...it's just combining those minutes to make 50 minutes...that is when it gets me...

But thanks to you...didn't even notice last Tuesday...all I remember is...SMACK...CHOMP...CHEW...POP...SMACK...CHOMP...CHEW...POP. In fact...I felt my legs moving to the rhythm of your smacking...totally annoying!

So now writing this letter I'm torn. You were annoying/irritating, but it helped distract me...hmmm...either way, I guess I don't want you to choke and worse case scenario, die. So for the sake of interrupting class with a choking episode...leave the gum at home.

Love,

Shelle

Do you chew gum while you exercise?

22 comments:

Barbaloot said...

Shelle-you can do ANYTHING! Even use your mind powers to show gum-smacking lady how annoying her habit is and that it might kill her. I bet she's gum-free next class:)

Shannon said...

I do chew gum... but not when I exercise. Only because I don't exercise! HA!

But I don't think I would chew gum while exercising. If I did exercise. I'd be afraid of choking, like you said. Or worse, it would fall out of my mouth... 'cause, you know, I'd be gasping for breath through my open mouth!

Mamarazzi said...

chewing gum IS my exercise!

hey i am following you...come follow me!

CJ, the Purple Diva said...

Oh I so hope for the sake of you and all of your spin class she reads this imporant message...cause like you said, she could choke and die...and then well that would be an awful thing to happen in spin class...of course you would be there so maybe you could help her...since after all you would be just two ladies away...i know you would want to do your duty to save another life...and wow, that would be an awesome thing for you to write about...for us to read of course!
Chew gum,....yeah, I can chew...but not when I exercise, saying I ever did exercise again...I'm just saying...I would definately remember this post though and not you know chew gum and exercise!
Wow, I feel better now!

DeGraffenried's said...

I chew gum when I run - always have since my cross country days - my mouth gets too dry and it helps keep some saliva in there! But that is the only time I exercise with gum.

Alyson said...

I tried to chew gum when I was on my treadmill in the privacy of my own home back when I used to exercise because I heard it keeps you from getting dry mouth. Didn't work for me. It just gave me a tired jaw.

Yeah, come follow me too! :-)

Kritta22 said...

You are so stinkin funny! How can you hear this chicks gum over the music and stuff? You must have super duper mom hearing!! I bet your kids hate that!!
I wouldn't want her to die either. You really shouldn't chew gum while exercising.
My 7th grade teacher said ladies shouldn't chew gum at all cuz we look like cows. LOL Good times.

Tiff said...

Another HUGE pet peeve of mine, when people smack their gum or food, ack!!!!!!!!! I don't understand how they can't hear it, or if they can then why don't they stop?
Maybe you should inform her that gum is full of aspartame? (sp?) Maybe that would do the trick...

binks said...

More exercise?
You're making me look bad.
Especially since all that I have been doing lately is sleep!

Michelle said...

I don't really chew gum in general, but I can't imagine doing it while exercising. Maybe she was trying to burn a few extra calories?

blessedwith5 said...

I would be annoyed! I am surprised there isn't a no chewing gum sign up or in the rules of the class.

Marie said...

Amen sister friend! And no, I don't chew gum while I exercise...unless it is a leisurely walk. But otherwise...no way!

Natalie Sue said...

Oooooooo.. I hate that. It's sooo annoying! My bus driver, in elem school, for the full 6 years.. smacked her gum so bad I wanted to scream. You could hear it clear in the back of the bus! Maybe that's where my annoyance stems from.

But heck no! You never chew gum when you are exercising, dancing or singing! I was always told you would die! Cause you are breathing so deeply that when you choke on it, there is not enough air inside of you to push it out, when someone tries to give you the heimlich. That was enough to scare me!

nick said...

I have not had access to a computer or internet in a long time. With moving and boxes everywhere. Packing and unpacking...well, you get the point. But I know how you feel. I loathe loud eaters and gum smackers. I have been irritated by it since I was a child. Anyways, hope you are doing good!
-Kelly

Kritta22 said...

You never tasted it? I always taste what I give my kid. Maybe that's why I look like I do!! :)

abritdifferent said...

I say you digitally scrapbook a page with a nice note on it and macrame it to the back of your t-shirt.

I can't stand gum smacking -- exercising or not.

Angela Williams Duea said...

Gosh, I have a hard enough time just exercising...I could never do that and chew gum at the same time. So, you know that lady wasn't me.

Aubrey said...

I don't exercise. I do chew gum. If I were to get my fat, lazy ass up and exercise, I'd leave the gum behind.

Hirschisquirts said...

I can't stand it when people chew gum when they exercise OR dance. I had a girl chomping on gum while she was in my dance class the other day and I immitated her chewing gum while she did her across the floor routine and after that, she realized how radiculous she looked and went and spit it out. It was quite an awesome impression I must say!

Glenda, saved by grace said...

My (grown) stepson chews gum (like a horse) in church. I want to SCREAM at him...SPIT OUT THE GUM, your distracting, but I don't. I began to think it was just me and the step-parent thing, but NO , It IS annoying.

angie said...

Absolutely brilliant. My kind of retelling of an annoying situation or person! :)

Dopp Family said...

haha... you are so funny Shelle!! She must've really been going to town for you to notice her gum smacking so much! I don't feel good about chewing gum when I exercise (okay, I never feel good about chewing gum b/c I have TMJ... oh, why me?!).

That's awesome you go to spinning classes... they intimidate me, but maybe someday I'll get up the guts to go.

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