The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise then saved by criticism.
- Norman Vincent Peale
I have been working out (exercising) Monday through Friday for the last two weeks and everyday I walk past this quote that is strategically placed in the hallway on your way to and from the gym.
I was thinking just a few days ago, as I was slowly making my way out of the Recreation Center to my car, if that is more true in my life up to date then I really know.
I guess it probably is a weakness in all of us. Isn't it nice to hear praise for something you have done? Like when I clean the bathroom or dust and vacuum the family room...I'll admit, I want to hear my husband tell me how nice it looks when he comes home...to show me he noticed my manual-labor efforts! :) When I was first married, I remember, I use to get bugged if he didn't notice...like it was my RIGHT to hear from his deep sexy voice, "Shelle...WOW...the house looks incredible, thank you so much!" in which he would be hugging and kissing me to show me his gratitude of my wifely efforts! A little romanticized? Yes...but I wanted it nonetheless!
If you know my husband at all...you know he never did this, in fact, he most likely never noticed and was SURPRISED when I would be bugged with him...not understanding why I was bugged. Then when he finally squirmed the answer at of me, by using unfair tactics, such as, distracting me with OTHER things...he would then tell me I was dumb...that I should be happy and content just because I was doing something nice for both of us...not to get praise for it! The only excuse I can give you for that is I was...ummm...young when I was married?
I could give you other examples of how I love praise...and sometimes, looking back, I can see how that praise or thought about praise has ruined me and/or kept me from being a better person.
Sometimes we praise people but are really lying through our teeth. We tell them what a good job they did, when really, in our minds, we are saying just the opposite! I think this is what the heart of the quote above is meaning. Instead of telling people, in a nice way of course, that they shouldn't quit their day jobs...we praise them and give them false hope.
Constructive Critiscsm:
| criticism or advice that is useful and intended to help or improve something, often with an offer of possible solutions. |
I think that is the best way to voice ones opinion, instead of giving false hope to something. I remember that even though I was good at gymnastics for my age...my Mom told me that I would never be 'the best'...because I was destined to be too tall for the sport, and with a smile added, "And we could never afford the lessons it would take to go anywhere with it". At the time I didn't understand, I was heart broken, but looking back I see that by doing that, by directing my efforts elsewhere, such as dance, I was allowed to focus more on something that I could find some self-respect in. I can tell you that in my life, dance has been a great anchor and something I feel continually blessed to have in my life!
So I would add to that great quote: "The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise then saved by CONSTRUCTIVE criticism."--revised by Shelle Blok.
So my question to you is this...when is it okay to praise and when is it okay to be critical, constructively of course?
I also guess what I am asking you is, if you don't like something I have done (photography) or written (stories) will you tell me how I could do better or what I could do better? Especially when it comes to this blog...what am I missing to make it worth coming back to?
Love you guys,
Shelle
