Monday, September 1, 2008

Meltdown Part Deux...the end of a two part series...and the WINNER to my GIVEAWAY!!!

To read the first part of this series go here...but let's face it...most of you just like to look at pictures! lol!

In the beginning...I was new blood...and if you understand the concept of "only the strong survive" you would understand how I attempted to prepare myself when we had family gatherings! I was obliterated, mentally pounded on, and hung up to dry...I.was.weak. Which was totally abnormal for me...and not in my personality.

Being the middle child, I ALWAYS voiced my opinion. I never let someone get to me...I rarely cared if someone didn't like me because I simply removed them from my life...I felt, "life is hard...why waste it with things or people that don't make you happy"...if I had to deal with people that didn't like me, I made is short and kept it sweet because like my mom always said, "kill'em with kindness".

The first few years of being married to my husband...who I adored, loved, felt safe and comforted with and never could get enough of...was countered with finding a way to make his family accept me for who I was, instead of trying to fit into their mold of who they thought I should be...I can't tell you how many times I heard, "I just didn't think Mountain Sport Man would marry someone like YOU"...I knew some of them didn't get me, they didn't particularly like me...I was different. I liked dance, I liked to have my hair done and make-up on before I went out and about if I could help it, I like being social...and I laugh at awkward and sometimes serious moments, and I didn't search every store for the lowest price, if I saw it and liked it and it happened to be on sale I would buy it, even if it WASN'T on sale *gasp* I might even pay full price if I wanted it bad enough...again, I was different.

Don't get me wrong...they tried hard to see through my differences...they were happy MSM found someone he loved...they just didn't quite know how to take me, and I didn't know how to BE me and not be completely and utterly calm...because inside I was terrified. It was like walking on egg shells when I had to be around them...I didn't want to say the wrong thing and get my head bitten off, so I kept my opinions to myself...I didn't want to correct them if they were wrong (which I annoyingly do very often with close friends and family, usually in a light hearted manner)--

As I grew older...matured, I started to stop caring, or tried to anyway--kinda not in my DNA. I decided that I could handle whatever was thrown at me...and I started to realize that as different as they were for me...I was just as different, and if I wanted a relationship...a real relationship with any of them, I was going to have to stop throwing up walls to protect myself. I was going to have to be my full opinionated and flawed self...and then deal with the consequences.

After nine years of marriage I can openly say...to anybody that cares...I LOVE my in-laws...even the ones that I still rub the wrong way. I love them. They were taught to be caring people...they have a strong sense of family--all of them have tight individual families. When times are tough they want to help...I've never seen more adults love, truly love, and play with their kids. They LOVE children...their children...and other children...You are never short a babysitter when you are around MSM's family. I have built a relationship with the once intimidating younger sister...and truly couldn't have found a better friend. I would practically do anything for her...she is the "sporty" sister I never had and when it is just me and her...we can talk for hours...plus I am in lust with her husbands personality, never met a funnier guy!

Yet, I still find myself preparing myself to be in the presence of their family. I find I still build my walls. I still get this tight energy about me...which makes me act out of character. I still feel like the outsider looking in...never quite fitting in with them...plus I had to camp, and I don't like to camp. They make it fun by doing crafts and having contests...but I still feel dirty and no matter what...peeing in an outhouse for 3 days makes me cranky...and this year we decided to do the annual family campout on Labor Day weekend...which is one WHOLE extra day...camping...being dirty...and peeing in outhouses. It also rained...EVERY NIGHT...right when we were suppose to have SMORES...which is the only worthwhile event of camping. I had only gotten ONE smore...that had to be part of the meltdown now that I think about it...

I stupidly got in an arguement with one of the brothers I absolutely get a long with...I acted like a 12 year old...AND it was over a card game called QUIDDLER...when I finally understood what he was trying to tell me...he had already gotten mad and we were past the point of no return...I told him he was RIGHT...agreed with him...and then had to walk away before I humiliated myself in front of everyone...more than I already had.

I couldn't seem to let go of the tension...couldn't seem to get over my young and married fear of acceptance from them...and I'm finally admitting to it...because if I don't, then THIS will happen:

So driving home...my daughter spilled her Fry Sauce...and low an behold I have a MELTDOWN. I full on swore--which I can probably count on both of my hands how many times I have done that in my life. I'm just not a swear-er, I ranted and raved, told my husband to SHUT UP, all while the kids were watching on and giving me those "Mom's gone psycho" looks...and I want to state right now I don't have MELTDOWN'S. (Can't count pre-teen or teenage years...because if you are female...you have meltdowns about your hair==so those don't count.) Since I have been married I could probably say I average maybe 1 meltdown a year...so 9 major meltdown's since we have been married. My point...I don't have them...I just don't! I SHUNNED my husband for a full 30 minutes before I saw some stormy clouds that were spectacular...and so had to UN-SHUN him so that I could point them out...

MSM: "So how long are you NOT going to talk to me?"

ME: Silence--cursing his name in my head.

MSM: Shakes his head...

ME: See cool looking storm clouds...debate with myself back and forth if I should point them out to my husband...who I am mad at...and I can't remember WHY?
So I act out a part from THE OFFICE "Unshunned...Look at those cool storm clouds over there"..."Re-shunned"...

MSM: Throws his head back...starts laughing...

ME: "UNSHUNNED...I had no one else to share it with, the kids are both asleep...RE-SHUNNED!"
(For those of you that haven't watched THE OFFICE on NBC...I stole the whole SHUNNED thing from this episode...watch the first minute...then skip to about 4 minutes...then skip to about 6 minutes. So funny!)


See what I mean...all craziness, totally stupid, and I'll openly admit...a major meltdown...it's like I had to release all that tense energy that I had built up...

All because I can't get over those first few years of dating and marriage with his family, and the strong feelings of inadequacy. I know that a lot of you out there have probably similar experiences with in-laws...I even know my OWN sister-in-laws feel the same.

But something good has come of it...one thing, I get to write in my blog and let it out...which in turns saves me money on therapy. Two...I finally recognize how dumb I am. It is all me. I choose to feel that way, I choose to assume how they feel about me and act on the defensive all the time. So I am deciding right now that it's going to stop. I can't have another episode like I did driving in the car over fry sauce being spilled. I need to let it go. If they like me...they like me...Mountain Sport Man isn't going anywhere...he chooses me, he loves me and I can't help anything else, nor can I control it!

It has to be that Middle Child Syndrome of always wanting acceptance...but I'm over it.

All because I had a melt down.

So I am going to work on that now that I recognize it! At least for now...who knows down the road, I usually don't follow through with things...another nasty habit of mine!
***********************************************************************
And the Winner is:

Okay, so I did the video thing again...because that's MY thing! lol!

So this is who won...ENJOY...OH and remember--I don't sing, so I am putting myself out there for your entertainment...don't make me regret it!

See I told you I don't sing! If you couldn't watch the video to see who the winner is...make sure to email me at blokthoughts@gmail.com and I will email you who the winner is!

Suns Fan #2 helped me video and after it was all said and done...she left me a little video message on my camera...so I'm showing all of you because she'll hate that I put it on here...and revenge is sweet lil' sis! :) Love you tons!!!

21 comments:

Palmer Family said...

I love the Office!! You are brilliant!! I think I might try the whole shunning thing? Not only with my husband, but his family members that I don't particularly love :) lol I wanted to let you know that you have been tagged. If you go to my blog then you can read The Fives and respond back to me when you have completed it. Melis :)

abritdifferent said...

It took me a while to get over some feelings of inadequacy that I had with one of Bryan's sisters (he has 4). Every time I would walk in a room, she would always check to see what I was wearing - up and down. Every time we bought something, weeks later, they'd have it. They bought a split level in WX, 2 years later, we bought a multi-level house in Layton. Two weeks before we left Utah they moved in to a multi-level in Layton. We have a Saturn, now they have one. Stuff like that constantly. I still feel like she's competing, but now I've dropped my guard and smashed the walls. I don't care anymore.

Tiff said...

LOL love the video!
Sorry about the meltdown, I hate when that happens, and the part I hate even worse than that is feeling like a jerk for it afterward knowing that people will remember it for years to come... Happens here on a regular basis.
And by the way, how could they not like you? I've never even met you and I think you're pretty darn awesome hehe

Alyson said...

Totally get it - my sisters-in-law are totally sporty and wear make-up about once a year. Then there's me who flat-irons her hair, wears make-up everywhere, and runs away in the face of sporty competition. I have learned to appreciate some of their good qualities over the years, but very begrudgingly.

I also get the whole melting-down-over-stupid-things-and-swearing-bit. Totally been there and totally done that. My husband can attest to that!

Great video!

Alyson said...

P.S. Oh, and I'm a HUGE fan of the Office. Dwight's the man!

Candid Carrie said...

You are so dang cute. No more pictures of you with caps on, it hides your eyes.

My husband has two sisters who are so frickin' tight with each other they may as well be conjoined twins. He has a brother that I really enjoy and I am crazy about his wife. So we truly have inlaws that see us as the outlaws. They even put their hands up in front of their mouths and look at us when they talk.

The next day, favorite sister in law and I laugh for hours on the phone and play "can you believe she said this" ...

Shannon said...

LOL, did you do the arm movement when you were "shunnung" and "re-shunnung"? HA!

Having just one meltdown a year is pretty good! I think I have one per month! Its hard not to let stuff get to you... at least it is for me. I've always been one to worry too much about what other people think.

I've been lucky... I do have great in-laws, all of them. There is one SIL (Shane's youngest brother's wife) who I like and we get along fine... but she's not someone that I call or shoot an email to just to chat. And it will probably always be that way, and that's ok.

And I love that you posted the vid of your sister! HA! :)

mrsb said...

I am so going to pick a fight with my husband, just to use the "unshunned" thing, lol!

binks said...

Oh Shelle, I take back all of the harsh stuff I said. (even thought it was really in jest)
I hate when I have meltdowns too (and I have them a lot!) Maybe because I was alone for so long and was used to having my own way all the time.
You are an amazing woman, a great photographer and a wonderful blogger. As for the singing, not bad.
Thanks!

MomMega said...

Wait. What is fry sauce???

P.S. LOVE the Office! One of my favorite shows!

Palmer Family said...

Roch,
You like that I had to! Do you still get called that? I'm glad I finally got my blog up and running. I'm not quite as fancy pants as you, but maybe some time down the road. Well, okay probably never! Excuse my spelling and grammer im not great at either. luv ya

brooken'dus said...

hahaha!! Loved the singing!! I also think it's funny that people not from here don't know what fry sauce is, seeing as we kinda grow up on it.

American in Norway said...

Good for you... that you figured out what it is all about 9 years in instead of 12. I felt the same way with not only my in laws... but with my own siblings....

I made myself sick worrying about seeing my brother this summer.... when i changed they way I acted /thought...it changed the entire dynamic of our relationship...
You can change this... first step is figureing it all out...

Love the video...sorry I didn't get entered...
& I love the office but we don't get it over here!

The Stoddards said...

You do such a great job on your blog! I wish Lisa would post more! I get on her too and I love that you did a post for her! You are an amazing photographer! I absolutely love reading your posts. You are a fabulous writer too! I have to tell you, I look forward to reading your blog every day!

Brenda Stoddard

Natalie Sue said...

Yes! There's alway some stress with trying to be myself around the in laws...they are all older than me. I feel very lucky though. I was friends with my in-laws before I met my husband! So it all worked out nicely. In fact I had to make sure I really wanted to marry my husband and not just his sisters. :)

MERRIANNE said...

MeltDowns are NO FUN!!

...by the way....i have an award for you over on my bloggy blog :)

Barbaloot said...

Sorry about the meltdown. You sound like me: my brother always says I hold so much stuff inside that it comes bursting out at the dumbest things. Likes, spilled fry sauce? Although-I can totally see getting upset at that, too:) I think it might help if you make s'mores in the microwave. They taste better that way, anyway.

And, I love 'Navel Gazing.' But I don't think I could send anything in. I just write stupid stuff off the top of my head. If I had pressure to write it'd be worse than reading the nutritional info on a box of sugar cereal.

Insane Mama said...

Meltdowns are just part of life... we have to have them sometimes

Natalie said...

Ah, Man! I didn't have internet for a few days and totally missed out on your giveaway! boo hoo. :)

Marie said...

So love your story! It was hilarious and the clip was awesome and now I have to go watch it on Netflix because I don't think that I have ever seen that one.

There is nothing better to watch on Thursday night than Jim and Dwight bantering. Love it.

Too bad I didn't win your awesome blog prize pack. Maybe next time.

Kritta22 said...

I am in total agreement here with your meltdown. I also have that special kind of in laws! I wish now that I didn't give them the address so I could write a blog about it!!
Did you give your in'laws your address?
I love those stupid fights when they end nice like that!
I agree with Carrie, no more caps, we love your eyes!!
And your sis is soooo funny!

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