Sunday, September 14, 2008

Hopefully I'm not the only one that has this not-s-good quality...

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.--It is commonly attributed to Nelson Mandela, because he used the quote in his 1994 inauguration speech. It was originally written by a woman named Marianne Williamson in the book A Return to Love, published in 1992.

I love this quote...I totally believe in it...and I feel it inspired by its writer. Many times when I have faced hard times with my own personal reflections I go back to this quote--and here is what my thoughts go through...this is how I feel...

I think the biggest thing in ones life is to decide where and how they belong...in the world, in their religion, with their family.

I think you either go a path that makes you a very good and mostly happy and fulfilled person...or you go a path that take and makes you the opposite.

Everyday its a choice...everyday you have to make that MOST important choice of where you WANT to belong...not where you feel you deserve to belong.

And that is the problem with being human. We don't give ourselves enough credit...we downplay our greatest attributes and talents because we don't feel worthy...

Self-Doubt...the biggest obstacle of this life!

I guess I'm feeling a little reflective. Talking with different friends, reading different blogs, I continue to see that the mistakes one makes in their life almost always returns to self-doubt. For Example: in my TWEEN years...I remember being very, how do you say it, judgmental. I would talk about someone else behind their back. Things that were mean and vindictive. As I grew older I'll never forget that my dad once stopped me mid-sentence and said, "Usually those things you hate and despise about others...are a reflection of those same things you hate and despise about yourself." Total buzz kill for my gossiping nature!

I began to see the wisdom in that statement. As a mean and judgmental thought would enter into my mind...I would reflect on it, turn it around, look at it and see why I felt that way...99 percent of the time, it really was something I didn't like about myself. How crazy right?

I hate doubt...any kind of doubt...but especially self-doubt. So as I have matured, and trying to live a good and better life, I began to try and be a better person...with less self-doubt. This began to help in the gossiping area and saying mean and vindictive things about people.

I say "less self-doubt" because I'm not above it. I still am weak...I still have not very good thoughts go through my mind about people I see or things they do...I HATE that it happens...yet it does...I still even voice those opinions to other people, knowing that I will feel ugly and deceptive after. It's ridiculous, yet totally human...and I HATE IT...did I mention that?

So you may think as you read my blog...why I am always laughing at things...why I try and find humor in even the most serious situations...Now maybe you will understand. I do this very thing because it is my escape from my "other" self. It makes ME a better person...or so I believe. If I find the bright side of a situation...if I stop an unkind thought with one that makes me laugh or that at least makes me smile...then I feel I have conquered. I understand that sometimes that laughter and smile can be interruppted as mean or unkind, but I can only know what I feel, and when I am laughing I am never trying to be offensive, unkind, or mean. So you may judge me and think me dumb and immature...but this is who I am, this is ME.

So everyday I try and make the choice to be a GOOD person with less self-doubt. Because if I didn't...I would truly be a very mean and spiteful person who holds grudges and finds pleasure in offending people...

What gets me...is why anyone would choose to be mean and spiteful? And then my brain hurts and my face goes like this:

So I'm going to be done reflecting now...hope all of you have a good SUNDAY!

Shelle

11 comments:

marie6 said...

Hi, my first visit to your blog , I came over from binks. Your portraits are simply great especially the last one!

Candid Carrie said...

Are those your real eyelashes?

mrsb said...

I think that is what makes the best people - people who are actively trying to be better, do better. Being aware that you have your faults and trying to live in a way that is above that, that is truly being a good person.

I myself, am naturally a very critical person, and I hate that about myself. I work really hard to ignore that critical voice, and find some good in every person I meet.

Not always easy, lol, but we work on it, right?

binks said...

Holy crapola - even when you are serious you totally change it up and make it fun.

But what you said is so true. I think we are all guilty of being critical, judgemental and/or mean; not just to others but to ourselves. I think admitting that is the first step to awareness.

Ummmm.... do you wear contacts because those can't be your real eyes and I agree with Candid Carrie, those must be falsies.
The eyelashes, I mean.

Barbaloot said...

Love that quote! I have it hanging in my entry way.

Marie said...

Actually Shelle, I think that you might be the only one with this quality. I mean the only one with the quality to laugh and make light when you are really thinking something else (or trying not to). That is a good quality.
Like today that missionaries (elders) taught the YW and before they even started I leaned over to one of the other teachers and asked her what the deal is with elders wearing UGLY ties AND ultra-short? I mean, don't they know it is ugly? That was bad, huh? You probably would have just laughed and not said anything...unless you were sitting next to me.

Oh, and nice ad for Scientology underneath your post.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Candid Carrie and Binks...yes they are my real eyelashes...thanks for noticing, I don't wear contacts...but the good qualities go down hill from there!

Marie--I would have laughed and agreed with you about the ties...I'm still weak! lol! And the Scientology ad...eh why not? Keep an open mind right? Okay I kid...I never know what they are going to throw in those ads! Lol!

MRS B.--amen sista! lol!

Shannon said...

Self-doubt is a big one for me to overcome, too. Still trying to.

I'll just say that when you are repeatedly told you aren't good/smart/pretty enough for anyone else... you start to believe it.

(And this was before I met Shane, in case you were wondering!!!)

Natalie said...

This was so insightful. I don't think I take the time to be introspective enough. Really loved that quote. It is so inspirational. I'm proud of you for working hard to change a quality you don't like about yourself. I have always felt that I am not compassionate enough, yet I don't feel like I do anything to change that. Any pointers? How does one become more compassionate?

Gary McCallister said...

Why do you think so many people think badly of themselves? Why is it such a common problem. Most people think it is their own self doubt talking, and the think up all the reasons the are unsure of themseleves: their childhood, their spouse, their lack of education, whatever. The truth is those thoughts are from Satan. He doesn't need devils and demons. he has doubts.

www.onemanmormonbluesband.com

Heather Justesen said...

Thanks for sharing, I totally agree, and I love that quote. I'm going to place it on the wall of my office to remind myself everyday.

Here you Go SciFi Dad

Blog Archive-For SciFi Dad