Monday, March 16, 2009

To the Lady who Fluffed in my Face

Dear Lady Who Fluffed in my Face--

I was a little creeped out anyway when you were right next to me as I was getting all of our stuff on the security belt.

Then standing so close to me as I was waiting to go through the security gate that I could feel your breath on my neck.

But while I was getting all of my stuff back on and tucked in and laced up...did you HAVE to crowd me then?

And then...THEN...when I bent down to put my shoes on...did you HAVE to wait and FLUFF just at that exact moment? It wasn't even a silent fluff...

OH.MY.GASH....it was HORRIBLE. In fact I coughed because it was like getting slapped in the face with the most horrible rotten-egg-smell EVER to whaft through and up my nose!!!

I looked up at you SURPRISED...

But ALL you did was look the complete innocent to the crime I FULL on knew you committed.

I lost it when my son, DCAR,said, "EEEWWWW!!! What is that smell Mom?"

I didn't even feel bad when I laughed and laughed and laughed...you know, when you HAVE to laugh but your not suppose to, so it makes NOT laughing even HARDER??? Like in Church?

Yea...well, at least I reacted that way...instead of turning around and drop kicking you for making me smell you!

I mean...

It wasn't ME crowding your space...YOU were crowding mine!

Forgive me if it took a minute to get Me, my boy, AND my daughter all undressed to go through security and then RE-dressed after we got through security!

And now that I think about it...so HELP me if you fluffed by my face on PURPOSE!

I just hope...what GOES around...comes AROUND, in your instance!

Love,

Shelle

25 comments:

roy/elisabeth dean said...

Girrrrrrlllllll........
Seriously.........
THERAPY!

Shelle, I hope you are having a wonderful time! I am enjoying reading about your travels (well, except for the fluffing). No, who am I kidding...ESPECIALLY the fluffing~
Take care...send presents...
♥,Lilly

shannon said...

How funny! and coincidental that you should write such a "fluffy" post today...

Yesterday, my son apparantly ate road kill for breakfast, and it was manifesting itself (during sacrament meeting) in the form of HORRENDOUS gas!

I was mortified because it was kind of mingling with my perfume!--

I wrote him a note: (and actually scanned it on the computer last night thinking that I might post about it)

Here's what it said:

me--"It's the same smell that I've been smelling for the last few days!--You haven't even realize you've been doing it!"

him--"But I don't feel anything coming out!"

me--"that doesn't mean you didn't do it!"

my husband--"we are feeling it in our noses"

me--"my nose hairs are singed!"

him--"why do you blame everything on me?--It could be Jensen or dad!"

He's been getting so defensive lately whenever I accuse him of stinking up the joint...

Anyway, thought you'd get a kick out of this!

When I used to be a flight attendant, we used to call fluffing "crop dusting" tee hee

clan of the cave hair said...

wow!

The Bayou Belles and Their Beau said...

Now, that's not a fluff if it's that bad.

Ann On and On... said...

I think I throw up in my mouth a little. Sick!

Heather of the EO said...

OOOOOH NOOOOO! she did NOT. WHO does that? If I were you I'd be afraid to tie my shoe for the rest of my life...

Youngblood4ever said...

So, I was multitasking- reading your post and eating lunch. I should have known this was a bad idea as soon as I read the title. I about choked on my Mac and Cheese. My nose is sad for you right now.

PS- she probably did do it on purpose!

sara said...

I'm laughing too hard to type. I'll have to comment later!
He he he he!

Katie L said...

You KILL me! That was the funniest thing I have heard all day! Why do you always get the freaks of nature? Good for you for laughing, I would sooo not have held back either.

Emily Anne Leyland ( Art-n-Sewl) said...

AHAHAHAHA- I would have smacked that person upside the head. Uhhhh- so gross!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alyson (New England Living) said...

Oh my gosh, Shelle! You write about the grossest things. I could never. I'm such an uptight person when it comes to gas, but I love that you write about it because it cracks me up!

Heidi Ashworth said...

What the fluff is wrong with people, anyway? (BTW, I'm a nerd hero. Oh, yeah!)

nick said...

My pet peeve is when strangers crowd me. Its like, can't you move over?! There is a ton of room! It is very irritating so I cannot imagine if someone also let it rip in your face. But I hope you had fun on your trip, anyways.
-Kelly

binks said...

Seriously, you should start a page called Fluffthoughts and other gastrointestinal escapades.
I am sure it would be a huge hit.

Ack! I am not good with people I don't know in my personal space.
I think I would've just pulled the kids aside and told her (loudly) to go on ahead since she was in much more of a hurry than you.
(and secretly wished for a full on - line pull out)

Becky said...

Oh no, she didn't!! That is horrible. Hilariously written, but horrible. Who does that kind of thing?!

PJ - Our life said...

Honestly? Who does that? I would have made it known to everyone what she did!! Hahahaha, but that's just me!!

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

How rude and I hate it when that happens.

devri said...

Rofl.. I am still laughing out loud, you are hilarious..

I would have asked her what she stuck up her butt to make her smell that bad!

Aubrey said...

OMGosh! I can't stop laughing. Seriously. You have some of the worst luck girlfriend. But it makes for the BEST blog posts!

Michele Horne said...

That is disgusting. I am so glad you son called it out. Hopefully it at least humiliated her a little???

brooken'dus said...

hahaha actually one time I was fluffed on 2 times in one week! I never knew that people fluffed on other people until that week!!

Natalie Sue said...

hahaha.. oh that would be disgusting!

tiffany said...

ROFLMBO!!!!!!! Yeah, kinda like I'm laughing now after reading this! I swear you have the crappiest luck ever, literally!

Sher said...

Ewww! That's even worse than my airline security story. I was in line behind a dude. And when he took his shoes off for the security belt, up wafted the most rankiest smell EVER!
Word to the wise: if you are going to wear sneakers to the airport. Wear them with socks!!
Nast!
But, farts in the face are much, much worse.
It should've been you farting in her face for crowding you!

Fullmer Family said...

I laughed so hard when I read this. I had tears running down my face and Cooper was looking at me like I was crazy! You are so FReaKInG FUnnY!!! Thanks for the good laugh.
-Jillynne

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