I decided to take on Mrs. Flinger's Brutally Honest Monday!
So I am going to hit on a subject that in my studies to achieve my degree was ultra sensitive...but I had no idea HOW sensitive until I became a member of the MOM crew...
At play groups the subject comes up quite a bit...and I have an opinion and I'm not afraid to voice it...okay, sometimes a little afraid...and every once in a while...just a tad bit shy to get it all out there...(I know what those of you who know me are thinking...shy? Yea right...but truly I am, if I barely know the women and have just been invited or have pushed my way into an invite...then yea, I'm a little shy to voice my opinion)
But my blog is a whole other story. This is where I can lay it all out and get YOUR honest opinion.
I really love getting to know how other people parent...or how they would LIKE to parent when they start having children of their own...because babysitting a child and actually having your own are TWO very different worlds!
So my question posed to you is...what is YOUR take...are you a parent that spanks your child? Or are you a parent that uses TIMEOUT...If you have no desire to learn how I feel than stop reading now...I warn you, I am giving an honest opinion and this is personally how I feel! Okay, carrying on...
I believe that spanking is okay. Yep you heard it right, I personally feel that if your child is going to burn themselves, get run over in the street, or be disrespectful...they deserve a good swat on the butt. Not a pat...or a caress...but a SPANK on the bum. I do have rules though...
As my husband and I were preparing to have kids I was taking a class on child development and this issue came up. I'll never forget what the professor said...it has stuck with me and it is something my husband and I agreed on when we were discussing punishment for our children when we began to have them. The professor said, "I believe that one hit constitutes punishment and two hits is abuse."
Basically saying that one good swat on the butt is not going to be overly dramatic for your child...that if you need to prove a point quickly,than a spank on the bum is a good effective way to do this...but that if you have to hit them more than once then that treads a scary line of being angry AND out of control...and when you are out of control when you are trying to punish your child then you are bordering abuse because you are not thinking straight...you are consumed by rage or anger.
My husband and I have totally stuck by that rule. If we decide to punish because our child is going to hurt themselves or they are sassy, rude, or disrespectful than we have ONE good swat...that's it. We miss or we feel like we didn't get a good enough swat in, then TOO bad...then when they have calmed down we get down to their level and discuss why we did what we did. It seems to work for us. It actually has gotten to the point where all we have to do is tell them to go to their room and cry and when they are done crying to come out and talk with us...we don't hardly even SPANK at all, if ever, anymore...not even this child...
It's true...this IS Brutally Honest Monday...I would never lie to you on Brutally Honest Monday! My Sassy girl swishes her hips back and forth as she is sobbing into her hands and walking into her room...but sure enough she goes into her room and I yell, "Shut the door I don't want to hear you cry" where she dutifully shuts the door. Then about a minute later she is not crying anymore and she comes out and says, "I all done crying Mom". It's great...at least MOST of the time...it isn't a perfected science.
Timeouts or grounding my child, for me, are punishing me. I am HORRIBLE at remembering that I have given them timeout or have grounded them. I have tried, believe me I have. I'll say, "Don't you talk to Mom that way" than I'll say, "you go to timeout right now...I'll come get you when your time is up". I even had a "Naughty Room", stolen from Super Nanny. So I would put my child in the naugty room and then I would go about my day. I would FORGET them in the naughty room...
or...
I would send them to the naughty room then sit there and listen to them rant and rave and wail and gnash teeth...just to count the seconds until I could open the door...(I think the rule was 1 minute for however old they were).
Timeout was ALWAYS my first option. It didn't work...not for my little boy and not for my little girl.
Just to reiterate...I only spank if I feel and deem it necessary...and never when I am extremely angry. I may yell and stomp my feet...but I know when I need to go into another room and take a minute to compose myself before issuing any kind of punishment to my kids!
The spanking is not making the impact I would like with DCar anymore...for example: about a 1/2 year ago I told my boy that if he kept teasing his sister that I would spank his bum...he then looked at me and then continued teasing. I grabbed him and spanked his butt. You know what he did? He broke out in laughter...that's right LAUGHTER...he instantly covered his mouth and TRIED to stop...but like his MOM...when we have the giggles, we have the giggles...there IS NO STOPPING.period. So spanking doesn't work anymore for DCar...
but I have found out what does...in another class I remember they said, "Find something they hold of value--something they deem they cannot live without...then you threaten to take it away from them and you follow through!"
This has worked great with DCar. I take away what he holds most dear and sure enough...he is instantly a better kid...it's great!
I am lucky though...I really have great and mostly behaved kids...
I HATE-HATE to punish my kids...I hate it with passion to the point where I loathe it, but I know that it is necessary to have boundries and to show your children that there are consequences to their actions...that YES they have their free will...they can choose whatever they like...and that when they choose right the consequence is SWEET!
SO...how do you feel? What works best for you?
