THE soccer picture...that is how we refer to it at my house. It is my WORST picture to date...even worse than after I gave birth, drug free, to DCar feeling like I had ran a marathon...although that picture does come in a close second...this picture...this picture is by far the worst! I could definitely win "The Ugliest Picture of the Century Award" if there is actually an award like that...I would win, no doubts about it!
Although there have been numerous attempts by first my mother and than myself at getting rid of this most hideous photo...it is like a Ouji Board, it keeps coming back...there is NO getting rid of it, so I have used it has a tool to help other children, or people that need it, to remember to always have someone with you when taking a picture after you played an hour of run-the-whole-time sporting event...yea, someone to tell you to brush your hair and stick your chin out so that you don't have a double chin while suggesting to hide your half bitten nail polish nails!
Really, it would have been nice...this whole "Most Ugliest Picture of the Century" thing would have been avoided and I could have some kind of pride...any kind of pride... but I don't, solely because this picture exists...
Here's the story to this picture...you be the judge!
After my last soccer game in the city league for the season, our parents were given our team and individual pictures back. Here it is better told in my Mom's words:
So 8 years later I am rummaging through pictures for my wedding video and I come upon this picture. I laughed SO hard that I couldn't breathe. I was there all by myself in my Mom's master bathroom crying because I was laughing so hard.I looked at your picture and almost screamed...I thought it was a joke,
this couldn't be MY daughter in this picture...as I looked closer I realized
that sure enough...it was Shelle and it was NOT a very cute picture of
her, that's putting it mildly.All the parents were showing the other parents their kids' pictures. I hurry and
tucked your picture under my leg and pretended like I didn't notice what the
others were doing. I hoped that nobody would see that I wasn't participating.
One of the Mom's yells over to me, "Hey Ann where is
Shelle's picture? I want to see it!"
Avoiding the ladies eyes because I didn't want her to know I was lying I
said, "Oh I already went and put it in the car." I hadn't even left my seat
since the beginning of the game...I just hoped and prayed that nobody noticed.
Then You came running over to me after shaking the other teams hands to
congratulate them on a good game and asked to see your picture. I very
softly so only you could hear said, "Oh don't worry about it Shelle you can look at it
later".
You looked at me with a SHOCKED look on your face...usually I would be ALL
over showing my kid off...but this was THE exception...I just couldn't bring
myself to do it. I was doing it for your own good also.
We got in the car and you begged to see your picture...so reluctantly I
showed it to you...worried about how you would feel. You got a GROSS look
on your face and said, "EEWWW that is so gross...I look horrible"...
With that you put it away and so did I, intending on throwing it away, or at least
hiding it underneath all of your other pictures just in case I needed black mail
material for when you became a teenager and decided to give me problems.
Dance Masta came running in to see what the matter was along with World Traveler, my oldest brother, and I couldn't even tell them, I just handed them the picture. They also broke out in laughter and we were all sitting there guts hurting from laughing. As we would calm down one of us would look at it again and show the others and we would start up laughing all over again!
My Mom finally joined us and when she saw the picture she started telling us the story of what she did to make sure the other Mom's didn't see the picture...and we all started the gut wrenching laugh all over again!
Drum roll...THE soccer picture...I do need to note here that I had JUST finished a soccer game (why they decided to take pictures AFTER the game is beyond me)...but you can tell I had just finished because my cheeks are still red and flushed...and yes, I did ALMOST ALWAYS bite my finger nail polish off of my nails until I gave up wearing the stuff! Here you go...Enjoy...
This was used as MountainSport Mans test of TRUE LOVE. He barely passed. To this day he won't even look at the picture. Just tonight I tried to show it to him again, and he, not knowing what it was, gave it a nano second glance where he realized what I had given him and instantly threw it back in my face. I said, "what? You don't want to look at the picture" and he lovingly said, "NO! It's hideous! And NO I would NOT still be your friend if you looked like that"--okay so that last part, after the hideous part, is an inside joke with me and him...but truly he HATES the picture...he doesn't see the humor in it as I do!
I HAVE learned a valuable lesson from this picture...and besides wanting to provide you with the utmost humor and entertainment, I feel I need to share this knowledge with you so that you may NEVER have to go through what MY MOM had to go through...
Take a brush, comb, or heck USE your hands, and be PREPARED to FIX your daughter's hair after she plays a game and before she takes a picture that, to her demise, will NEVER die...save her from this disaster and yourself, along with your FAMILIES pride! Amen!
So can you TOP this picture? Do you have a picture you believe is WORSE than this one? If you do, I think you should be brave and post it to prove it...I just don't think anyone can top this horrendous and monumental picture of mine...what?...I didn't think so...I'll understand if you need a few days to forget what you have seen and I don't hear from you...
it will take a strong stomach and even strong WILL to remain friends with me after this...It was nice knowing you while it lasted...
