Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Me and Bathrooms don't mix... part 1

I think it's about time that I tell you of another bathroom-HORRIBLE-experience I had.

It may explain the reason why I hate going to the bathroom so much.

Because HORRIBLE, TERRIBLE, EMBARRASSING things happen in bathrooms...things that will be shown on the BIG SCREEN movie of my life for everyone to see...totally humiliating.

I wonder when the movie of your life is showing if it is under a certain category. Like those people that have lots of tragedies in their life, if it will be like--JANE'S life showing in 5 minutes...a short two-heaven-hour drama, you might want to bring a tissue for this one?--

Like for my life. SHELLE'S life showing in 20 minutes...a long 10-heaven-hour COMEDY on bathroom and bodily function mishaps...you won't want to miss it, it will keep you laughing for days!

LOL---that would be kinda funny... :)

Anyways,

I feel if I get it out now...and explain the situation to those that may care or may be embarrassed because their names are attached to mine, like my kids...maybe people and my kids will have pity on my?
K they were like 4 and almost 2 here...OH I LOVE IT! :)

I was at this guys house that I liked.

A. LOT.

We can call him Connor. Connor was hot...hot body and hot hair. The guys locks were prettier than mine...and the thing that made him MOST sexy...is he didn't even care, he was rugged. I remember him like this:


And since I don't have a REAL picture of him...I've borrowed this Abercrombie and Fitch model to show you what he kind of looked like. :) Your. Welcome.

Connor lived in an older house. Him and his family lived their since he was born and he knew no other home.

I was over visiting him. I had to travel to his parents house so they invited me to stay there. I want to say that Connor liked me back, which is why he convinced his parents to let me sleep over...and I was just ENOUGH wicked to want to do it! lol!

It's was probably around 10:00pm. And we had just decided on a movie we wanted to watch. All I remember is it was a comedy...not much for a romantic atmosphere...but it wasn't like we could do much because I wasn't the ONLY one sleeping over...my friend was with me--SHEESH guys---what kind of girl do you take me for?

Well, we had Mexican food for dinner...Cafe Rio, (one of my FAVORITES)--and my stomach was starting to tell me that it needed to dispose of the stuff, and soon.

Being the lady I am...I had been holding in my flatulence for some time...and my belly was starting to protest. EVERYTHING in there seem to be cramping. So just putting in the movie and before getting settled down...I decided to go to the bathroom.

I should have stuck with my chances of bursting my appendix or stomach or something...because what happened next will be embedded in my mind for all time. I still get a little sicked out when I think about it.

Remember I'm in a old house.

I find the bathroom, let myself in, close the door, LOCK the door, and proceed with business.

Which went along nicely...no need to fret with that. But I will say, I emptied out a lot, one of those really good ones where you feel 10 lbs lighter.

Then I flushed.

IT started swirling around VERY slowly...

And then NOTHING!

I softly, under my breath, said, OH CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP!

Then I'm stuck with the decision...Do I flush again? Or do I wait a minute and see if all of sudden the toilet decided to do its job and flush itself?

Then I thought PLUNGER!

Okay, no problem I thought to myself, I'll just find a plunger and for PEACE OF MIND, plunge the toilet then flush again.

I frantically start ripping open cabinets.

NO PLUNGER!

CRAP! CRAP! CRAP!

So...I did it guys...I attempted to flush again.

I KNOW!!! WHY would I DO THAT???

I was Desperate...OKAY! I was desperate...and not thinking straight...out of my mind CRAZY!

Then the WORST of possible WORSTS happened. The stuff didn't go down, but slowly made it's way to the top of the toilet bowl! Like, slow motion slow, like it was taking its time for my inevitable doom! Laughing at me...mocking me...

It finally creeps to the top of the toilet bowl and creeps its way over the side!!!

And then it was like time caught up to me and it started FLOODING the bathroom...and I JUMPED on the counter!

All I could think was..."Only yuck, gross, disgusting people clog toilets! When I yell for help, and unlock the door, I might as well have warts and a GREMLIN face because that is what I will look like to them...they will be completely disgusted with me..." As I sat there in complete shock...somewhere in the back of my brain I knew I needed to call for help!

Pause...this post is getting long.

I'll finish my story tomorrow.

Love,

Shelle

P.S. Would you have made a second flush?

31 comments:

Sandi said...

Am i first?? woohoo... funniest thing EVER. I have had this happen to me before...at least I think I have but I can't be sure because I don't know the ending yet.....CRAP. (hahahahaha)

Barbaloot said...

Don't be mad---but I'm not sure I can read part two of this story. Seriously---embarrassing toilet experiences are close to my biggest fear. It's just too much to handle.

Oh-and in my first month of my new job, I definitely broke the toilet at work. Awesome.

roy/elisabeth dean said...

omg! i hope the story ends with the super sweet mom coming in and helping you clean up, then taking the blame herself! Probably not. I'm not sure I would have either!
How embarassing~ and Yes, i would have made a 2nd flush.

Kookookachoo is what i say when i see one of my young daughter's really cute guy friends (aka...Mrs. Robinson).
Have a great day~
♥ lilly

♥georgie♥ said...

LMAO...dang you i was all getting into the story now i gotta wait for part 2
yes i woulda tried to flush again or just crawled out the window

Heidi Ashworth said...

I might have when I was the age you were when that happened but life with the Big Guy has taught me many things. No second flushing is only one of them. Now I just get my husband. If he isn't home, I let it sit until he does. It does get a bit awkward if it's in the AM and he doesn't get home until the PM but one does what one must.

Untypically Jia said...

I would have died.

And yes, I would have flushed again.

T said...

always avoid the second flush - of course... would I have known this back then? hmmm...

I'm laughing so hard I can't breathe, hopefully tomorrow will see you down from the counter and solving the problem with a piece of duct tape and a 2 liter bottle :)

John Deere Mom said...

Ack! I totally would have flushed again. You panic and think...what's the worse that could happen? And now we know...
Can't wait to read Part 2!!

Jessica said...

AAAAAAaaaaaayh!!! I probably would have second flushed too. I can't wait until tomorrow!

Jessica
www.MomShots.com

Jessica said...

AAAAAAaaaaaayh!!! I probably would have second flushed too. I can't wait until tomorrow!

Jessica
www.MomShots.com

Jessica said...

AAAAAAaaaaaayh!!! I probably would have second flushed too. I can't wait until tomorrow!

Jessica
www.MomShots.com

PJ - Our life said...

You can't just leave us hanging! As I was reading my face just kept making the OOH face!! Can't wait til tomorrow!

Marie said...

Nope, no second flush for me. I would have waited it out, sitting on the tub or something until the water went down (which it usually will after 10 mns or so) or someone came to rescue me with said plunger.

But definitely not a second flush. What were you thinking???

Oh yes, CRAP!

McEwens said...

FINISH the story!!!!

Melinda said...

Suck!! I hate clogged toilets!! Can't wait for the ending!

Sometime I'll have to post a bathroom story, I'll let ya know when I do! ;)

Brooks said...

oh yes, thank you

Annette Lyon said...

I HAVE flushed a second time.

I wouldn't do it again.

sara said...

grrr, I hate 2 part stories. You had me on the edge of my seat. I love that you have so many of these embarrassing moments. Sorry for you, but happy for us who get to enjoy them.
Hurry and finish the story!
Pretty please!

Tiff said...

A movie comes to mind, the one with Ben Stiller, is it Something About Mary, where the same thing happens to him when he goes to her house for the first time? LOL

binks said...

That A&F guy is HOT!! You totally fooled me!

This potty problem is a recurring nightmare I have. Really, thanks for reminding me.

And I will totally be a Shelle Heaven movie stalker because that sh*t will be soooo funny.

p.s. 2nd flush - would totally do it!

Aubrey said...

Girl, don't you know you NEVER flush a 2nd time?? LOL
I can't wait for #2. Get it...#2. HA! I crack myself up!

Eliza said...

I can't wait for tomorrow! You are so funny. I would have attempted the 2nd flush, but only if the plunger was in hand.

Is it weird that my kids have a play plunger? They love it!

Kritta22 said...

NOOOOOOO!!! Oh no you didn't. OHHHH I'm going to be thinking about this all night!!!!!!


Hurry and post tomorrow!! Seriously, oh my gosh!!!

Did you get your candy yet?

April said...

I just realized this is not a good time to be eating dinner....it all looks like by products of the toilet now....thanks Shelle!!!

BTW-I would have gone for flush #2 with the fingers crossed for good luck...you did cross your fingers before you flushed right?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

ha hahahah aha ha

Ewwwww!


ha ha ha ha h a

GROSS!


ha ha ha ha

I love the idea that if you can choose photos of models to show how you remember someone.

You're a genius!

brooken'dus said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA OHHHH I love you!!

The Me/ The Wife/ The Mom said...

I would have flushed again!!! This has happened to me so many times...and only through the grace of a very short but sweet NOVENA did I not suffer your fate! Hilarious. I can't wait to see if the guy is as sweet as he is cute!

American in Norway said...

I am a freak when I use other peoples toilets... I can hold it for days & days & days.... but if I gotta go... I always flush BEFORE I sit down to make sure it is working... (lets keep that in mind for next time...)

Jen B. said...

LMAO! Second flushes never end well... can't wait to read what happened next!

Mother Goose said...

no, i wouldn't have done the second flush until it disappeared. LOL, i can't wait to read on.

CJ, the Purple Diva said...

I'm laughing so hard, I just woke up my husband! I can imagine you jumping on the counter! lol lol!
And as a teenager, yeah I would have pushed that handle again...and especially if a cute guy like "Connor" was waiting on me! LOL
I'm so glad I read part two first...this would have killed me to not know the ending!

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