Wednesday, June 3, 2009

GOSH.FREAKING.DANG.IT!

K... I honestly rarely get embarrassed, because when embarrassing things happen to you often you tend to become immune.

It's either that... or come down with a severe case of agoraphobia.

Here's a recent example.

I was at Costco. ON SATURDAY-- when I say it was busy... that is a COMPLETE understatement. I was blessedly alone, no kids to constantly look for as the play hide-n-seek with me.

I got the stuff I had come for and approached the check out line. Had a bit to wait, but it was cool--
I'm good with keeping myself entertained, I have my phone and my thoughts, plus I like to people watch. I had noticed the person, the girl, in front of me who was drinking a pop out of fountain cup. It's important you know this fact.

Soon,The Girl, was next in line, then me, then a WHOLE line of other people behind me.

Finally it was my turn. The cashier greeted me and rang me up.

I paid.

Put my Costco and debit cards back in my wallet, put my purse on my shoulder, and proceeded to leave. Completely engrossing myself back into my thoughts and my OWN LITTLE WORLD (there is a reason that is on my header).

But my purse hits something... and then I hear that HORRIBLE sound of a FOUNTAIN cup full of liquid splattering all.over.the.ground.

I froze.

With my back still at the scene that lay behind me... I prayed a silent prayer that the sound and the thing I felt my purse hit had nothing to do with each other.

I slowly turn around... when I say slowly... I mean the world was going at normal pace and I had slowed WAY way way down... turning a centimeter every other minute.

When my eyes hit the HUGE spot of liquid creeping it's way to the grooves and cracks of the floor... all I could think of to say was, "That wasn't my drink!" and then I repeated it 3 times while lifting my hands up in front of me, my fingers battling each other, and my eyes going cross-eyed!

The sound was loud enough that I swear all of Costco was looking my way. Everyone in unison giving me a moment of silence.

Really people... the etiquette on that, I'M SURE, is to pretend you don't see that I just knocked over a drink that some GIRL left on the counter!!!

I swear it wasn't my drink!

Completely at a loss of what to do... I ask if they need me to get towels from the bathroom...

???---see what I mean at completely at a loss? HA!!! I would have needed the whole ROLL and then I'd use another roll to have a WET set of towels so the floor wouldn't be sticky.

But my brain was functioning on
humiliated...

They told me it was "okay, ACCIDENTS HAPPEN", and they would take care of it.

I scream in my mind, BUT IT WASN'T MY DRINK... I DIDN'T LEAVE IT THERE!!!

I admit... it wasn't very observant of me NOT to see the drink on the counter... but it WASN'T MINE!!!

GOSH.FREAKING.DANG.IT!!!

That was just Saturday.

I could have a daily blog dedicated to scenarios like that.

I just wonder how I missed the line up in heaven where they were handing out the ALWAYS COOL tickets... ya know those people. The ones that always do and say the right thing... where embarrassing is a word they are unfamiliar with and humiliation is a word they associate with OTHER people?

Knowing me... I was probably caught up in my thoughts and didn't hear them announce which line it was, that happens to me a lot also.

So... did I make you feel better about yourself today? I'm a giver like that.

Your. Welcome.

love,

Shelle

P.S. No they are not THOSE Jeffereson's... hahahaha!

30 comments:

IWA said...

Sure it wasnt your cup/drink!

oh-em-gee! This is the story of my life!

Thanks for the laughs so early in the morning!

IWA said...

haha I was first!

So deep down I would like to tell you that i dont care that Im first or second or third, But im first at very few things, So let me have my glory!

p.s. I also get caught up with my thoughts and then then i say the "not-so-very-nice-thoughts" outloud and then make the situation worse!

roy/elisabeth dean said...

hahahahaha.....!!!!!!
Dang, I KNEW I should have pee'd first!
How is it that you ALWAYS get into these situations? Honey....have you made an enemy? does someone have a dark-haired, dimpled, beautiful voodoo doll?

I'm tempted to post this anomymously lest they decide to make a voodoo doll in my likeness.

TRY to have a calm day!
♥, Mary Jo Jefferson

Kristina P. said...

I totally believe you. ;)

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

This stuff always happens to me also. Maybe we were talking to each other in heaven and that is why we both missed the anouncement.

And come on, didn't just a part of you say "I am so blogging this".

Just saying.

Such The Spot said...

We should run errands together. I'd save you some embarrassment. Just last week I spilled an entire Starbucks cup of vanilla milk on the floor at Target. And yes, it was mine. Well, my son's, but same thing right?

Homer and Queen said...

At least you didn't throw up!! It does happen to me all the time, good to know I'm not alone and HA! K.P. wasn't first!!!!

Always Home and Uncool said...

I was mine. Sorry.

Devri said...

I beleive you, cuz nothing like that never happens to me daily!

Barefoot Dreamer said...

Oh my girl! Let me tell you this though - I have suddenly realized that the "cool people" have crud like this happen to them to, but they just seem to handle it better
- you know, a little flip comment like, "that little twit should have known better then to leave her soda there, can I help you clean up her mistake?"

But, yes, instead we are there feeling oh so crazy stuck!

Don't you wish you could just have thrown the whole cup on that little twit? cuz after all it wasn't your (and I believe that!)

Barbaloot said...

That is another one of the million reasons I don't go to CostCo at all---let ALONE on a Saturday.

Loralee and the gang... said...

I thought at first you were going to say that the girl ahead of you told the cashier you were together, and you paid for her items...hey it could happen, right? (to me!) Thankfully, it hasn't though. So maybe the pop thing wasn't so bad, was it? (Well, I TRIED to make you feel better. Did it work?)
:~D

Heidi Ashworth said...

Methinks she doth protest too much. Just saying . . . (JK!)

Mr. Anonymous said...

Bless your heart...

Let us always remember that it could have been worse.... Target and Poo come to mind. I am sure the Target employee's possibly thought your were the quilty party as well.

So, if it comes down to being blamed for one of them, I would pick the spilled soda over the doodoo left in the Target parking lot.

I am just saying,

Mr Anonymous

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

IWA--It's easier to be first on my blog... not as easy on Crash's blog... but I'm going to let you bask in the glory! You go girl!!!

Lilly aka Mary Jo Jefferson hehe-- OH MY GOSH... you're RIGHT! Someone has a voodoo doll. Jerks! It HAS to be that!

Kristina P==I believe I'm going to slap you!

NHC--having met you... I totally believe that! That was probably it... WAY TO DISTRACT ME!

Such the Spot--I'll just pay you to grocery shop for me... and then will you wear a camera strapped to your head? That way I can laugh at you, which would be me really, and feel better about it!

Queen--You are my new Hero anyway... but I agree HA! Kristina wasn't first! I love talking behind her back! hehehe!

Always Home and Uncool...I knew it... you had a pretty good disguise, I mean she was pretty cute!

Devri-- HA! You sound sarcastic! :)

Barefoot Dreamer-- I wish I could go back and replay that WHOLE event... cause I would have ran after that girl, thrown caution to the wind... and keyed her car! Just saying!

Barbaloot Suit--It's tough times right now and at Costco from their samples on Saturday, you can take care of a WHOLE meal!

LoraLEE--Did you at LEAST key the chicks car??? WHO DOES THAT???

Heidi-- I know I totally sound guilty... that is what the people at Costco thought also, I'm sure!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Mr. Anonymous!!! Boy I have missed ya around!

Okay... you are right... but I didn't have like a 100 people looking at me with the whole poo incident... sooooooooo it's a toss up!

and I had witnesses that the poo wasn't mine... but you are right, the Target employees DID think it was me, probably... DANG IT UNIVERSE!

Mr. Anonymous said...

Just tell me where to send the Depends for ya.

I am just saying,

Mr Anonymous

Melinda said...

Oh man, that is SOOO something that would happen to me. I would turn bright red and make it that much more embarassing! :)

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Mr. Anonymous--OH that is just WRONG! lol! mean and wrong! hehe! shhhhh...I'll email you the address.

Melinda-I was WAY RED are you kidding me... it was HORRIBLE!

Shop with Me Mama said...

LMBO! LOVE the way you express things, love it! Glad I found your blog :)

H.K. said...

Yes! Someone else out there besides me who gets into embarassing situations! Welcome to the club!

Cameron said...

Whoah, missy....the language?!??! There are children somewhere near here, watch it with the GOSH. FREAKING. DANG IT'S... ;)

Darcie - Such The Spot said...

Psst. I tagged you in a meme. :)

April said...

What is it with you and Costco??? or Target for that matter! LOL!!! All I can say is that I'm glad I didn't make it to Costco on Sat., or that would have been me! hahahaha!!!

Shawn said...

So annoying! Doesn't it make you want to shake that girl?

Kritta22 said...

I get the bad mom award today. I went to the post office and put Connor up on the counter. He was flirting with the girls next to us. He was going to put his feet up and I said No. He threw a tiny fit and tossed my envolope on the ground. I bent over to pick it up AND down fell Connor. On to the concrete.
Talk about 10 people staring at you then. Seriously if looks could kill!

Don't call CPS, K?

Smonkey Mama said...

LOL Shelle......I wondered who that lady with the wickedly wild purse was!!!! It was YOU!!!! I totally laughed for hours after that and was so glad it wasn't me that looked like a complete dork out there!!! Can you say HUMILIATION in all caps!!!!!
(I am TOTALLY kidding girl!!) You know if it had been me I would have looked like a clown with bright red cheeks for days!! I HATE embarrassing situations (in all caps!!!!!)
Oh and hey, to let you in on a little secret.....you totally made it into the "cool line" in heaven because I witnessed that too!! And, you just don't remember because you were having way too much fun talking on your cell phone and/or taking pics of other cool people, LIKE ME!!! ;) LOL

Melanie J said...

Today I took my boys to the Vans store so my oldest could get new shoes. I set the youngest on the counter while I paid and when I picked him up, I discovered he had a diarrhea diaper that left a butt print on the counter. I wiped it down with a paper towel myself but I advised them to use glass cleaner. Aaargh.

mother goose said...

LOL, I would have asked to clean it up too and professed over and over it wasn't my drink!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Once again, I have to say IT'S GREAT TO BE BACK ON YOUR BLOG. You so crack me up.

LOLOLOLOLOL

That was a delightful post. I love it that I'm not the only dummy who wasn't around when Gad was passing out cool points.

And I love that instead of saying I'm sorry over and over you said THAT WAS NOT MY DRINK!

You da bombdigity!

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