Wednesday, November 5, 2008

I'm being TORN apart!!!

Okay...for the very first time...we have a TIE in my Don't You Hate It When they will both be in the running for the final prize!!!

Crash Test Dummies and Honey I will email you your cool blog buttons soon! Thanks for playing this week! It was fun!

I'm feeling a little reflective today...and less humorous and witty.

So if you are a creative person, you'll totally get this post. If you are not...

I look down my nose at you!


If you have been reading my blog for ANY amount of already know that Dance is a BIG part of my life. My Mom taught dance...she learned it from HER MOM...I learned it from MY MOM...

You see the pattern right?

Well...Dance and Music go hand in hand. And for the first years of my dancing career I got to enjoy how the two worked harmoniously together. I got to feel the music in the step of the dance I was taught...I got to listen to the lyrics and move my body with the feel and spirit of the to speak. I loved just being a DANCER. I loved learning. I loved getting a really difficult step. I loved being inspired by a choreographers idea.

But at a really young age...when I listened to music...I could see a dance in my head. In fact, for a really long time I thought EVERYBODY saw what I saw when they listened to music. I thought it was totally normal. Only later did I find out that I was the minority. Go is the story of my life :)

I moved about 3 years ago back to my hometown. The thing about moving is I feel I have to start all over because the Dance Studio Owners don't know me anymore nor do they know what I can do. It's like beginning all over and having to get my name out there.

Luckily, there is ONE adviser at a high school that knows me and I can get my fill of dance and choreography through helping them. But I only help when they NEED me...because they don't have the budget to keep me on permanently!

But when a new song comes out, and I'm not in need at the high school, it sucks because I don't have anyone to unload my ideas on...nobody to dance to the music the way I see it in my head...I feel like admitting myself into an institution!

For instance...last year I had this song on my MIND...and luckily about 6 months of suffering with it bouncing around in my head...that High School Advisor called me and asked me to choreograph a piece for her concert...and I loved the quirky-ness of the song and you know me...humor and quirky go hand in hand! It was a little difficult because I had to choreograph for group of girls with varying levels of technique...but it turned out well enough...So I was able to have my Creative Outlet...UNLOAD, and have some semblance of peace again...
Here it is (I'm going to apologize for the poor quality of was done on my point and shoot camera...their costumes where part and funky and add SO much more to the piece):

But even though this was a fun dance to ultimate love is Lyrical/Contemporary.

So when I heard this version of the song BELIEF by Gavin DeGraw...the madness began again!

So, I find myself, CONSTANTLY thinking about it. And for some reason, the last couple of weeks, it has been BAD. Its KILLING ME!

I think a part of it comes from going to a Hip Hop class and learning again...I think it triggers something in my brain and I'm wrapped up in the frenzy of the Dance world and the passion and obsession that goes along with it!

But its also something about the song that pulls me...wraps itself around my mind and gently begins to embed itself within's crazy! And I don't get a reprieve until I am able to "unload" it!

But then...then...I was listening to my IPOD on shuffle and first song that comes on is BELIEF...torments me...then this song came on right after:

Might as well put my Mind and Heart through a meat grinder! It was almost to the point of depressing I so YEARNED to work and create and move!!! There is just nothing compared to the acoustic version!!!

And seriously! If I don't find a group of advanced contemporary dancers to put these songs to...I'm going to BURST!!!

I haven't felt like this for such a long time. I don't know what to do.

Weird right?

K--well now that you are probably totally confused...and think I'm more crazy then before!

I will say "until tomorrow"!



The Crash Test Dummy said...

hey, I get to be first!!!!

I TOTALLY Get YOU! I totally understand your process. It's like the heavens open up and jam the ideas down your throat.

I don't get that for dance though, only words.

But I feeeeeeel your pain. The creative process sucks. In an exhilarating way.

I'll be back to listen and watch because right now I HAVE TO PULL myself AWAY and grade some papers. YUCK-O, I know.

I hope I'm still first.

Kristina P. said...

That dummy, always being first and creative and all that stuff!

manic mariah said...

I'm in tears. Perhaps it's because I have PMS, but I GET IT! Music can wrap itself around my soul and make me complete. Or create a carefree character that dances on the rooftops. I GET IT!

Barbaloot said...

I don't have a dancing bone in my I don't necessarily get it. However, the dance was awesome. And I LOVE Mika so it was fun to listen to, also:)

Richard, Ashley and Ben said...

UGH...join the damn club. It makes you want to throw up huh? Once my Bishop asked me to sing in stake conference and he said "it took me having to pull some real 'Bishoply' strings to even get this girl to sing'". Unless I want to sing hymns every week in church, I've got nothin'. I try to stay away from music completely just because it's so freakin' depressing! So I feel your pain in a different way. That dance was so cute though, good job!

McEwens said...

you did a GREAT job on choreographing it was AWESOME!!

Pat said...

I loved that dance. I also loved the costumes, modest and yet they did add so much to the dance, I agree.

What an amazing gift you have been given.

I wonder where you can get your hands on a dance group. I would love to see what you would have them do.

Do you like SYTYCD? I love that show. I wish I could have had more dancing expereinces. In my next life maybe.

Sher said...

I kind of sort of get you. I am crazy passionate about music. When I hear a song, I like to figure out how to make it a piano solo, with a little twist of Sherrie.
And of course, I love to write music.
But, I am sooo not a dancer. I have two left feet.
Today, I fell flat on my butt at my step aerobics class.
Yeah, not pretty.

Honey Mommy said...

Wahoo! I am a winner!

Hopefully I have a shot at the end of the month. My little guy could sure use a quilt!

Your choreography is awesome!

x said...

Wow you are a talented choreographer! Me and my hubby love dancing to all types of music.

For our 10th anniversary, we slow danced and he surprised me with a gorgeous diamond necklace from and then did some swing dancing to finish the romantic night in!

Kritta22 said...

I LOVED the dance! Way to go! There are some great dancers in there.
I totally get you. Not in the dancing way but I get you with your creative side. I make quilts. I see a fabric and think, holy crap, this would be awesome with this fabric and in this setting. I love it. My problem is that it costs so much money to make all the quilts I want to. Our little budget can't afford it so I doodle and buy a little piece and PRAY that the fabric is still there when I can afford it.
Is there any way you could teach a hip-hop class at the YMCA or something? Even having little munchkins dance to a song might help if it's every week.

brooken'dus said...

I want to dance with you!! Where do you take your class? Come over and teach me a dance, I will be your class!!!! I always wished I had a friend that loved to dance like I do (other than I suck) and here you are!!!!!!!! LETS DANCE!!!!!! I'm being serious! Dance is such an outlet.....It gets rid of my anger/madness/sadness/hyperness ect feels awesome to dance to a rad song!

Funny Farmer said...

Why don't you start a dance studio out of your home - if space allows? It would take time to build up a clientele, but at least you'd be actively choreographing for your own group.

Tiff said...

I've never been a dancer, okay I've been a dancer in my head and heart, but you'd cringe at my real attempt. but I have written a thing or two that when it was in my head it KILLED me not to get it down on paper. i would go over and over it in my head until it just about drove me crazy.
I'm so impressed with your choreography!!! Dang Girlfriend, is there anything you don't do? ;o)

Erica said...

You need to choreograph for "so you think you can dance". I'm not kidding. I loved the choreography on that dance.

Honest to goodness, I think just like you when it comes to music. I know that that I could never come up with something like you do. But when I hear a good song, it's like I turn into daydreaming mode. I'm thinking of myself dancing to this certain song. It's a great way to lose yourself for a while. It's so funny because I found myself doing it during my spin class today during a good time. Probably a type of defense mechanism so that I don't throw up because I'm so tired. But, nevertheless I love it.

I can't wait to see what you come up with next. (I wish that I still danced!!!!!)

Alyson (New England Living) said...

Loved the dance! It was awesome. And I get it about the creative process. It can totally overtake your soul and if you don't act, then it physically hurts.

Frustrating that you don't have a group to work with. I hear there are maurading bands of advanced contemporary dancers roaming the streets of Boston. If I were you, I'd move there! ;-)

~~tonya~~ said...

Just found your blog!! I love your photography. I will be back...come see me some time.

Shannon said...

good job shelle. I don't know if i ever appreciated how talented you were not knowing one thing about dancing!!!!! i can see the beauty in sports(may sound weird) but i think it's great you have those creative juices flowing through you! not fair, i think you way more talents than the rest of us. you need to share!

call me for sure if you come up. i would LOVE to hang out!

DeGraffenried's said...

Why don't you send your resume to some the studios down there? That will help you get started to release your inner choreography diva!!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

THANK YOU EVERYONE for your advice...made me feel a lot better! i seriously have the best people around me! :)

Andrea said...

Please! Tell me who sings the Breathe song. Do you know how many songs are titled Breathe? I'm going nuts trying to find it.
If it should be obvious by the person doing the singing, well, I'm not so cool and up to date with music :) But I love the song.

binks said...

hi Shelle - I. Finally figure out how to get to the comments on this crazy phone. You are so cute with your dancing. I would so take dance classes from you. I think you would be the funnest teacher. I agree, you should just find some peeps and start your own little dance studio.

CJ, the Purple Diva said...

I loved watching that video of your dance! WOW that was AWESOME!
I would love to see more of your stuff! I hope you can find dancers!

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