He what? He SURPRISED me!!!

May 14, 2008

My husband...who I have deemed MountainSport Man because of his insane desire to see his life flash before himself while riding down a mountain of snow or rock, is the man I fell in love with.

At first, of course, it was lust...mad, hot, I need to kiss your lips lust. I couldn't get enough of the guy and every opportunity that came along to be around him I took, grasped, and clung to. He enjoys things like skateboarding, skydiving, and bungi jumping. I LOVED to watch it, but forget about me actively being involved...I almost cried at StateLine in Nevada...you know that roller coaster that claims to have the HIGHEST and LONGEST drop of any roller coaster in the WORLD...well it use to claim that anyway...when I rode that I literally felt my heart beating in my bum...no lie...it had lodged itself down there after dropping to my death...I just don't DO that type of death defying stunts...

To impress MSM, while dating, I would try and dress like a girl that I THOUGHT he would be interested in...I would wear loose pants with a long sleeve shirt underneath a short sleeve shirt...like Avril Lavigne, when she first came out, but without the tie.

I remember the night I wore that outfit and shyly asked him to show me how to skateboard...then I remember be totally humiliated by getting on the board and riding for about 2 seconds before it slipped out from under me where I, tripped, stumbled, twisted my body into a position that I'm not sure I can describe, before I waved my hands like big windmill's in the air, plastered a horror look on my face, drool coming down the side of my mouth from my spit, and screaming, like a loser ( which I tend to do, ALWAYS, yes...ladies and gents...I'm a screamer), and began falling...except HE was there...to catch me, then gently put me upright.

MSM then began to laugh at me because I had ugly drool on my mouth, or he might have been laughing because of the look on my face, or because I so, ungracefully, ALMOST, face planted it on the pavement and he had to save me, or because he saw through my charade and knew I dressed the part but didn't actually participate in it?

Who knows...all I know is that I was ALWAYS trying to impress him and it always ended up screwing me over somehow...hence the skateboard story...which I use as one of MANY other horrifying examples of how desperate I was to IMPRESS him.

I don't know if anyone else was like this...please do feel free to say an Amen if you were, because I need to know I wasn't the only ridiculously stupid young girl in love or lust; actually as I look back on it...little love...lots of lust.

I feel like I lost myself in him a little. I gave up some things about me that were vital and important to who I was and who I am. For this post and this discussion and what I want to talk about is I gave up Romance. There I said it.

Okay, like always, let me try and explain.

While dating MSM, everything about him was exciting to me...I so loved even WHO I was with him...but he's not really ROMANTIC...or the romance that I want...he is more of a "touchy, feely" romantic kinda guy. The guy is always touching, petting, massaging, kissing, wrap me up in his arms, kind of romance. Don't get me wrong...it's nice...and I never doubt his love of all womanly body parts...but I have a different set of LOVE/ROMANCE rules(Love/Romance Rules=a concept I learned in one of my classes in college where you each have a set of standards or rules that you believe tells you that your significant other loves you...they make you feel wanted and loved, in other words). Those are his rules; touch, feel, grope, massage, if I do those things for him...he's a happy man. He feels loved.

These are MY rules, there different. I want a surprise. I want to know he is thinking about me at random times of the day! I want a secret love letter stashed in my purse between my lipstick and gum because he knows I will see it. We fly for free...so I want to be whisked away to LA to have lunch at a little cafe on the corner. I want a text message that says, "You looked so hot today...I can't believe I was lucky enough to marry you!". I want gifts on appropriate holidays (Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries) that he didn't think about last minute...and flowers don't count, although they smell nice...they also die...so flowers don't count, I'll take flowers over NO gift though, yes...I don't get gifts sometimes on important holidays (sidenote: just in case HE'S reading this...gifts: don't always have to be gifts that cost money...I mean ANY gift) ...mean right?

I could go on and on...I won't, because it will show you really how vain and shallow I am...so I won't. I think you get the idea or jist of what MY love rules entail.

While dating my husband I didn't demand these rules from him...I actually, probably, in a way, made him think that I was too strong of woman to need those stupid, girlish, romantic, gestures; like a surprise picnic in the park! I thought that back then, when I was young, that he would think I was WEAK if I asked or demanded those things. I admit now that I wasn't thinking straight then.

I was a romantic person at heart. I read. A LOT. Which I have hinted to many of times. I loved the series, "SWEET VALLEY HIGH" written by Francine Pascal, and believe me...I knew how a boyfriend should treat a girlfriend, how they should be romantic...I watched chick flicks ALL the time like the infamous, "CAN'T BUY ME LOVE"...I knew what romance was suppose to be like. Okay so those examples are the PUBLIC'S MASS MEDIA AND HIGH SCHOOL VERSION view of Romance (did I mention I was young when we dated...like 19 young? And I know there are better chic flicks out there like "Sleepless in Seattle", but I was going with the younger theme)...which may not be correct...but they aren't completely wrong...women are special, they should be treated as such...honored, revered, and deeply loved.

After getting married, and having the "Newly Married" euphoria, slowly chip off, I realized that I married a man that has maybe a pinky finger on his body full of romance. He says he feels it's cheesy, and that he looks and feels cheesy doing it, so he doesn't attempt. He also has a hard time expressing himself on paper or through words how he feels about me. For example, he completely shut off when I asked him in our first year of marriage, "MSM, why did you choose ME, why out of all the girls you could've chosen did you pick me?" being married almost 9 years, I laugh at my immature-ness, but at the time I was serious, my very pride hung on the balance of his next words, which were something like this,

"You were always around" then he chuckles...and turns over, bum facing me, and falls asleep.

I seriously thought, "What have I done?" (meaning, who have I married?)--K, I'll admit, I totally laugh about it now, but I seriously thought that then. That caused "The Fight of '2000". Won't go into detail, but it was bad. Really bad.

So you get it...and it's late...and I should be going to bed...so I'll wrap this up. MSM has romancephobia-fear of all things romantic or gives you that mooshy, sentimental, I have something in my eye, type of feeling. (Hey, maybe I can send that in to the UNWORD people...expand on that definition for me...I think we might have something here). I received my first "Love Letter" from him after 6 years of marriage because I told him NOT to come home on Valentine's Day unless he had one for me.

This year, I have bought all my own gifts for myself for the Holiday's (Anniversary, Birthday, and Christmas-to name a few) because I am sick of feeling sorry for myself...and I will admit to 1/2 the blame of him being allowed to be this way, because I didn't demand he be any other way! And well, being "SURPRISED"...I had finally come to the conclusion that I would have to live without that in this life, and hope and pray there was a class, mandatory for men like my husband, who have romancephobia, to take, and PASS, or else!

All that story...just to tell you that...My husband, surprised me with COLBIE CALLIAT tickets when she came into town to do a concert a month ago! I got this surprise months before the actual concert but he bought them FOR BOTH of us to go see her ...just out of the blue...not for ANY special occasion, and COLBIE CALLIAT is also not his preferred type of music...so that made it extra special...and he paid attention to what was on my IPOD...I just can't tell you enough how so OUT IN LEFT FIELD this was for him.

Wait, he didn't stop there...he also went all out for Mother's Day, that's right, a HOLIDAY! I'm telling you...I had lost all hope, given up on my dream world of romance filled with surprises, and then he does this...he surprises me! And guess what? I fall even more IN LOVE with him then I already was or thought I could be...after eight + years of marriage I think we are moving into another phase of our marriage...the phase where each of us has changed from who we were then, and we are falling deeply again for who we have become! There are many more phases to come, but I'm just going to sit back and bask in this rare and cherished phase, of me being spoiled! Can I get an Amen anyone?

I have wanted "Reef" flip-flops for...EVER...because they are super comfy...look what the guy surprised me with...I have always admitted he has style!!!

Here is his homemade card for me! He's actually is an excellent artist! And there is a LONG love note inside...one that was written without me threatening him!

Oh and he ordered this for me...for my camera and lenses!

So yea...I was spoiled...but hey, he's making up for 8 years!

:) I love him.

What about you? How do you like to be loved? What are YOUR Love/Romance Rules? I would be interested to know who is more like me and who is more like my husband!

Love Shelle