Monday, February 9, 2009

I'm going covert...

Okay guys you totally won't believe this but I am covert today...NO LIE!

The internet at my house is on strike. Won't let me on...

So I'm cheating on it. I have to, I don't want you to think my husband did anything wrong or get the wrong impression that we ACTUALLY did anything for our Anniversary besides go to a movie and share a popcorn. So NO, we didn't go on some extravagant trip that my husband showed up at my work and whisked me away to...(That was in my dreams and in the books I read, not REAL life, and NOBODY say different or I'll knock you to the ground, just let me live in my non-romantic REAL life and dream that everybody else lives the same)

The reality was that on THURSDAY, our ANNIVERSARY, we went to a movie and shared a popcorn.

The reason why I haven't blogged is because my INTERNET is down. Sometimes I repeat myself, get use to it.

So you guys *leans in and whispers*

I am totally at the Library writing this post! I've got Grandpa one and Grandpa two on either side of me and Sister LDS Missionaries in front of me...I'm sitting here with my Navy Blue Hoodie up over my head because I'm under the air and it's blowing COLD air...looking like I've got something to hide! It's GREAT!!!

OHMYGOSH and GADNESS how desperate right?

I'm laughing at myself right now... so completely funny.

But the cool things is, I have the time to myself anyway...and the library computers only allow me an HOUR to surf the internet...so I'm on a time limit, because if you are a dedicated MOMMY or DADDY blogger such as myself, you know that an hour in BLOG time is literally like 10.2 minutes.

So I really don't have much time. Without further ado...

DON'T YOU HATE IT WHEN....

I'm sorry this is another bathroom story for me...I wanted to hold off on this, but since my internet is on strike and I have little time to post here...it's all I got right now...and I really need to know your opinion...it's been killing me to hold back, but I thought you might be getting sick of toilet stories and I was going to wait a few more weeks, but here it goes.

Don't you hate it when you walk into a COSTCO public bathroom and all the stall doors are closed, so you have to lean down, LOW, to check to see where the feet are and if they are all full. While you are leaning over, and then over some more, you spot ONE stall left with NO feet...and of course, someone walks in...then you straighten up as quick as you can and rush into the stall so you don't have to look those people in the face.

Of course the person before you didn't flush so you make a disgusted face and flush the toilet...then the toilet seat covers are gone and you have water splash from flushing on the seat...so you grab toilet paper...wipe off the toilet seat, grab some MORE toilet paper and precariously lay the toilet paper down on the seat so you feel SAFER from germs and such and then sit down to go to the bathroom...only to find out the stall door doesn't lock because it SUCKS...

Slowly the door starts to open...so you shut it and try to hold it but the TWISTER moves aren't working...so you let go of the door to hurry and pee, when some OLDER lady comes walking in and comes RIGHT to your stall and proceeds to shove the door OPEN!!!

COME ON ALREADY!!!

Older lady who doesn't do the check for feet procedure: "OOPS! Sorry...thought that was empty!"

Me: TOTALLY embarrassed and just wishing that I could be done and over with. When she proceeds to say...

Older lady who doesn't do the check for feet procedure: "You should LOCK your stall door dear!"

Me: Is she KIDDING ME!!! Who in their right mind DOESN'T TRY TO LOCK THE STALL DOOR!!! WHAT the FREAKING WHAT? Give me a break already...I held on to this pee until it was stabbing my bladder for release...she thinks I WANT TO BE SITTING THERE in a public bathroom with a won't lock stall door? Or that I just didn't lock because...because...WHO the HELK knows? Holding in my sarcastic nature, I say, "It doesn't lock".

By that time I was finished peeing. I go to wipe...guess who used all but two squares of toilet paper to clean the toilet seat before she sat down?

Yea...that would be me.

So I cleverly scraped that toilet paper off and tried to wipe the most sanitary way I could...did my pants up and got out of there!

No worries...the older lady was already in the stall so I didn't have to see her.

Yea...hate that when that happens...so tell me, what in the WORLD do you say to something like that? HONESTLY? Because if it ever happens again I don't know if I could hold my tongue like I did, because I'm pretty sure if there is a next time and I am not prepared I'll come back with some kind of sarcastic remark that is MORE in my nature, but WAY less mature!

Gotta run...

Love,

Shelle

18 comments:

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Ha hahahahahah

I'm first I'm first I'm first.

I have to hurry and send this so I can be first.

brb

The Crash Test Dummy said...

OH YAY! I can't believe I'm first.

Seeee how I've been waiting on pins and needles for you to come out of your glorious romantic anniversary fortune cookie fog. See! See! See!

But I am so overjoyed with happiness that it was nothing. Just a movie and some shared popcorn. I can't tell you how happy that makes me that my life isn't the only life NOT in books and movies.

YAY!

And it is so freakin' funny to think of you covert at the library writing your post. hee hee

This post made me ROTFLOL.

No one can tell a bathroom story like you. I would never go there, but I'm glad you do because I've BEEN there a thousand times. I just won't admit it. But hey, one of us has to be explicit! It might as well be YOU!

LY

And your comment on my post today made me laugh so hard.

roy/elisabeth dean said...

omg Shelle! Only YOU can get away with all these bathroom stories, and only YOU can keep us coming back for MORE bathroom stories!

I would probably reply "I left it unlocked because I was hoping for some company!", because I'm a smarty pants like that!
Have a happy Monday, I hope you get your internet fixed soon!
♥ Lilly

Nan said...

I guess I miss your Don't you hate it when Mr. Linky thing, even with out a contest, just to read others DYHIW moments, I actually posted a Don't you hate it when blog entry today, and was so tickled when I saw a bit later on that April from April Showers had posted one too. See... that's telling you something we need a revival of the Mr. Linky thing so we can share more stories of that nature, no contest needed!

Youngblood4ever said...

WOW! That sucks... sad to say I've been there and done that and I just looked dumbfounded at the lady! Ummm, seriously, what the...????

Mallorie said...

I absolutely hate public restrooms and do everything possible to not use them, but when I do, I can NOT sit on the pot. I have to hover.

Public restrooms are just one of my "irrational fears" as my husband calls them.

Heidi Ashworth said...

THis story reminds me of so many bathroom stories of my own but it also reminds me of the time my toddler kept ripping his socks off and throwing them on the ground at the store forcing me to bend over and retrieve them every 30 seconds so I finally just put them in my purse. Who should I see next but an oldster who thinks she knows everything (as they seem to) who says, "His bare feet are getting cold!" Aiiieeee! Is there are word for oldster murder? Grumpacide?

Ann On and On... said...

Too Funny! Public bathrooms...are pretty much awful. We had to travel across the US this fall, so my husband and I started to rate them. Not many 10's. Actually, none.

T said...

you know - you're ruining a lot of places in town for me... at least I'll know to bring along a lock when I'm at CostCo... Wait! I was there today... but no, I'm not the older lady who doesn't do the feet check!

Keeping your mouth shut was probably more appropriate than a snappy retort - but retorts are infinitely more satisfying :) I'm sure I'll come up with one in the middle of the night - that's when all my best "I should have said" moments occur!

Annette Lyon said...

Another Seinfeld comes to mind: "I don't have a square to spare." :D

Going covert . . . love it.

Sandi said...

Us? Sick of bathroom stories? NEVAH!

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

Hate it when there's no tp!

And I hope your internet gets back up soon, withdrawals are no fun.

Kritta22 said...

I'm with Mal...I always hoover. No touchy!

This saves you from using the last of the toilet paper.

I think all Costco have broken door thingys.

I would have been really sarcastic with that lady!

You are much nicer!

binks said...

I was wondering where the helk you were & was seriously going to call in the National Guard.
(long sigh of relief)

I would've bitten my tongue too but I love Lilly's answer about company. Too funny.

McEwens said...

Love your bathroom stories!!! Hope your internet is up soon!

sara said...

The proper response is "YOU should check for feet before barging in" I don't think I would've been nice. Too bad about the 2 squares thing. Everything else was out of your control, but that one... Sorry.

April said...

The farther down you go at the Costco bathroom stalls, the harder it is to lock them...I know. I always have to use the restroom when I am there! UGHHH!!!

My response in my most sarcastic voice....WOW, is THAT what those thing-a-ma-jiggies are for?? SERIOUSLY??? GET OUT!

abritdifferent said...

Wow, no wonder you don't like peeing in public toilets. Bad karma. Pahahaha! I always find the one with a floater and no lock too. It's no fun trying to balance over the toilet AND stand on one leg to hold the door shut. And...old ladies suck. In general.

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