Here's the thing.
I try to let me kids know about stuff that use to scare me as a child.
Things like Death.
I was SOOOOOO scared of dying.
Not ME dying but people I loved and depended on... so mostly my parents.
There was more than one night where I would have to think about my favorite childhood church song to make me feel more at peace because at times the thought of not having my parents around would consume me with paralyzing fear. Which is quite a feat in and of itself when you have a little sister kicking you in the twin bed you share with her.
Anyway... back to my point. I try to lessen the fear by talking about Death and the fact that we will see the people that die again. I try to make it seem magical. "Death is what get's us back to our families and loved ones that have passed on, so it's a good thing" and "it's okay to miss them right now, but did you know that time goes really quick up in Heaven so after they get there it will seem like minutes until we are there with them again!" and "it's hard for us because we miss them down here with us, but they are having such a great time up there!"
So the other day my daughter and I were driving together... somewhere. I forget now. And she starts this conversation about getting old.
Her: Mommy-when you get old you'll die.
ME: Yes, I will, but I have a long way to go until I get old so you have nothing to worry about. (assuming she was worried I would die)
Her: I'm not worried, but you ARE getting really really old, so it might not be that long.
And there you have it. The reason why my daughter can't speak right now, because I turned around and throat punched her. (I was kidding in case you thought I was being for real).
Since we are talking about death. I've been going to a CrossFit box here where I live, I have endearingly termed it Satan's Lair, if you remember. I am quite obsessed with it actually and go 5-6 times a week. For the first time in a long time I have not concentrated on how much I weigh, but on how I'm improving on workouts. I've been going for 6 months now and have cut my times down by whole minutes on some of the workouts while lifting more or doing more reps--but I about die each workout--each one harder than I expect--but such a sense of accomplishment when I get done!
I still work on how I see myself in the mirror--realizing more and more that I need to remember that I'm working towards the perfect 10 ME and not some really slender girl with no hips or sisters on top aka boobs--basically I'm owning up to reality. And it frees me a little bit more from my mind and the destructive thoughts I battle.
I thought I'd show this picture that the owner of the CrossFit here where I workout took of me and posted on their blog-- a kipping pull up with no band-- just me myself and I.
I know it looks like I was eating the bar... but there you go. I think we did 40 pullups that day and I did it all with out the band.
So yea... working on the perfect 10 ME and killin myself one workout at a time. But I'm NOT getting really really old!!!
Love,
