Wednesday, July 28, 2010

I have found Satan's Lair

I have found Satan's lair and it's right in the town of where I reside.

Forget the fact that it's insanely hot, over the 100's, and dry as snot. Forget that.

It hides under the name of CrossFit.

My brother--the Black Sheep-the one younger than me. See he's gone through this amazing transition. He's gone from 300 lbs... to well, fit or darn near close to it.

Here's his before and after... not sure how long this will stay up, since I didn't ask if I could post it, he might come karate chop my head off and tell me to take it down.


Anyway he talked so much about this CrossFit that he's been doing that I finally just gave in to try it just to shut him up.

It's an evil place. I call it H.E.L.L. (it's okay to spell it that way, it's not a cuss, my mom said).

Everyday since I started this place I come home barely able to function. Not only do I have to endure a certified trainer yelling things to motivate me like "Come on Shelle" and "Get a little lower in that lunge Shelle" and "There you go Shelle, you got it!"-- and it actually works! Something insides me makes me try to do things quicker and better! And when I leave the place my body curses them. I think they have some kind of motivating spell put on the doors as you enter, because usually when someone tries to tell me what to do I do just the opposite to spite them. Ask my parents and my husband if you don't believe me.

They also have people there doing the Work Outs with you, enduring the same pain, and they are so snarky these people--I don't know how I handle it. They say things like, "Good Job Shelle" and "You can do it" and "Look you are already doing that so much better! You're awesome!" As I drip sweat and gasp for air and my arms and legs scream at me that I can't do even ONE MORE pull up or lunge or kettle bell swing...

Did you know that in H.E.L.L. that lazy is a cuss word? It's true. So sometimes to be the rebel that I am, I'll mutter lazy under my breath just because I can. They don't allow you to get down, they make you push to finish a workout under a certain time that they feel you can complete it in.

It's H.E.L.L. and yet like a zombie I keep going. Everyday I'm sore in a muscle I didn't know I had.

So like a good friend I'm letting you know because if I don't live through this and my body finally shuts down and dies right there in the middle of the CrossFit gym I go to (believe me, it's come close to happening) I want you to know that I was a victim, willing yes, but victim nonetheless.

Now, will someone tell me how to help blisters on my hands? I finally bought gloves, but the ones that I already have had callused and I want to feel like I have girl hands again.

Thanks.

Oh and let me know if you ever join me in H.E.L.L.--misery loves company and that's the truth!

23 comments:

Kristina P. said...

Wow, that sounds like fun. :P

And I thought Satan's lair was a Miley Cyrus concert.

Papa K said...

It always sucks getting back in the gym... no matter which one you go to. I can't stand going... but it's like a necessity to feel good about myself.

I agree with Kristina too. A Miley Cyrus concert sounds MUCH worse.

The Urban Cowboy said...

Never been to a CrossFit gym before, but it sounds like a good place. I used to power lift, so I'm used to the pain endured to reach maximum strength and fitness.

I applaud you for finally doing something to get in shape. ;)

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Kristina- you were wrong. She is just a realm up from Satans lair.

Papa K-it is a necessity. I have been running but maybe this is my next step. To die at this gym? Who know.

TheUrbanCowboy-i KNOW you didn't just say "finally" doing something to get in shape! Apparently you weren't threatened by my throat punch post. Consider yourself mentally throat punched!!! :)

Bee and Rose said...

It's so hard to get started, but once you do it's completely worth it!

(kristina p...miley cyrus..hee hee hee..)

You have inspired me to get up and get movin!

The Urban Cowboy said...

I don't recall reading your throat punch post, it sounds. throaty?

Anyways, like I stated, you have taken a huge step by getting yourself into shape.

I would stick to the 'mental' throat punches until you start to see results from CrossFit.

...I'm just sayin :)

Garden of Egan said...

Satan Liar? Really?
He must come here when it freezes over.

So you are workin' out huh?
Idiot.
NO I'M KIDDING!

Please do some before and afters for us.
Congrats on your brother. Wow, that's quite a transformation.

But for the love of all that is holy PLEASE. DO. NOT. use the words "this journey has been such a journey on my journey" I hate that on the Biggest Loser. JOURNEY JOURNEY JOURNEY.

K?
Don't say it.

Love ya.

Barbaloot said...

I would come join you if it wasn't far far away. Oh-and if you paid. Sound good?

Cherie said...

I only wish I could come there with you. I know it hurts but I need someone to kick my butt so I can lose weight and get in shape!
You are going to be lookin' good girl!!

T said...

could you manage to get the throat punching urges out BEFORE lunch on Friday? thanks!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Bee and rose-hey! Hi there! (Waves hand)-im glad I'm motivating someone, because at class I'm to tired to do much let alone throw out snarky positive comments!? :)

TUC-my throat punch post was awesome, you missed out. But I'll take your advice on sticking with the mental throat punches... Pretty much a baby could beat me up right now if they wanted to.

The garden of egan-i don't doubt that about him visiting your cold spot! I would never mention this as a journey... More as a torture session. Is that okay?

Barb-okay fine, you can move down here and I'll tell the owners your cheap labor! :)

Cherie- thanks girl! I need to keep telling myself that, mental is half of it I hear!

T-okay, fine, I'll behave.

Paul G said...

Good for you. I'll give it a try if I need to blow off some steam.

Danielle said...

No pain, No gain or something stupid like that!
Really though, I am so proud of you.
I am now motivated to get my butt back in the gym!!!

Kimi said...

We sell a cream stuff that is specifically for blisters at the sporting goods store where I work. So I would check at one of those.

Que said...

You know you can keep all of that! I've decided I'm going to let you try this out and I will think about Crossfit based on YOUR experiences. No pressure.

We live in a Zoo! said...

Lol! Never been there, I put myself through H.E.L.L. at home. I have to yell things at myself, so it's not really the same ;D

Wild Rose said...

Okay your posts are hilarious and i came by from Urban Cowboy's...so glad i stopped by. Laughed so hard and yes i am a mum but a wild one just have one daughter :)
You can find me on twitter under @LarvK too.

Space Cowgirl or Wild Rose.

Wild Rose said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Paul G- hello there! Lol@blow off some steam. You should! And if you make it out alive--tell me about it! :)

Danielle-let me have my head start on you! You are already eons ahead of me in the awesome body--i'll let you know when I'm ready for your competition.

Que- ok, yea no pressure, when I'm to hot to trot- then I'll let you know ;)

We live in a zoo- I have done the at home fitness regime-but I'm way too lazy for that- *puts hands over mouth* oops sorry, I apologize for swearing, I said the "L" word!

Wild Rose- any friend of Urban Cowboys is a tentative friend of mine-i mean, I barely know the guy, is he trustworthy really? :). I love that you said mum--where are you from? I'm coming over to your blog to see today! Thanks for stopping by!

♥Georgie♥ said...

your brother looks GREAT and YAY for getting in shape errrmmm HELL LOL I think that is a lot like zumba or at least thats how i feel after a zumba class

Wild Rose said...

I live in Dallas now but lived in MN, FL and in Africa...Love travelling and meeting new friends and yes we mums are proud aren't we. Hope you had fun at my blog if you did stop by and yeah am a wild gypsy. As for Urban Cowboy he's a dear and he can be trusted. Too sweet and very kind :)
I did follow you back on twitter too.

Wild Rose~

Always Home and Uncool said...

I only lunge for the last beer. Period.

See Mom Smile said...

Maybe if you wore serviceable underwear it would help ;)

Here you Go SciFi Dad