Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Sometimes you just need to laugh.

So I have this goal.

And I'm working my way towards it. One year is what I've given myself.

Of course, it has to deal with my body.

I am a very confident person, in all areas of my life, save one.

My body.

I have a very low outlook on my body image, but it doesn't mean I'm not a confident person or have confidence in my abilities, or in myself. It's just means that I have a really screwed up view of how my body looks.

But there are facts that cannot be ignored. Stretch marks from my two kids. Extra weight that likes to sit on my belly, back, and butt. Well it's kind of made it's home for 8 years and doesn't really want to leave. I just sit with this extra 20 pounds, hardly varying in weight.

So I'm doing something about it, but not your regular diet and what not. No, no, no, this is a full on lifestyle change. I've worked out before, I've done diets, I've done almost everything one can think of. I'm an active person. I run and bike. Yet, you wouldn't really be able to tell that just by looking at me. So instead of bawling about it, I'm going to not let my mind and body win any longer.

I go to this place where, let me just say, they try to kill you everyday. But it HURTS so good. You work out with a group of people, but there is a trainer there pumping you up, pushing you to work harder, and telling you if you have the right or wrong technique of things.

I'm taking it a step further and they are actually going to show me how to eat for my body. Did you know that cookies and strawberry frozen yogurt isn't what my body needs? Weird right?

Anyway... what I'm getting at is they encourage you to take a before picture. The ME before the NEW ME sort of deal, before my re-incarnation.

So I did.

Let's just say, maybe my mind's eye wasn't so thwarted on what my body looked like. Maybe it IS as bad as I had imagined...if not worse. GASP!

Instead of crying and throwing myself in the depths of depression after seeing those pics, that my husband took, I laughed.

I laughed and laughed and laughed. I mean gut laughed. Tears rolling down my face. It's absolutely horrid and I couldn't bring myself to be sad about it.

I don't understand why that is. But I feel so renewed. So ready to break free. Or fill in your own cliche.

All I know is sometimes you just need to laugh.

Blogging Mama Andrea sent this video to me. I'm a Lady Gaga fan. It's pretty awesome and she rocks for sending it to me. Watch it!

How are all of you with the whole body image thing?


Debbie(single;complicated) said...

I can so relate! For me its 10 pounds that just covers me and I eat right and run and its still there.. looking forward to hearing more about your journey!!

Stefunkc said...

As I was reading and scrolling down I thought what was coming was the picture! And I was already thinking how brave you were:) I wish you the best of luck. As I sit here 50 pounds more than I want to be, I wish it was just 20. Keep up the good work, maybe it will inspire me!

MommyJ said...

I definitely think my body image is a little skewed, but opposite what one might expect. I think I see myself as thinner than I actually am. Whenever I see pictures, I'm always surprised! All in all though, I'm happy with how I look - I've embraced my curves and my very short legs. I don't think those things are ever gonna change. At the same time, I have been in better shape than I am now. Being fit is really important to me, even if it doesn't necessarily mean less weight. I like to feel strong, toned... not quite as squishy as I am right now. But then, baby number five is only three months old, so you know. I'll give myself a year or so before I really start to dog on myself! Good for you for making big changes... I think working out with someone, with others, with a trainer, is one of the best things we can do to stay motivated. Good luck!

One Cluttered Brain said...

I've totally seen this video before before! It is hilarious.
yeah, my image is a little skewed but I've learned to just like me for being me. It's hard, but I am trying to eat healthy and work out.
So I get where you are coming from.

Sometimes I wish I had a magic wand. And wave it over anything I wanted to change...
Wouldn't that be nice?

Amanda said...

Oh my gosh! I just did this too. Sports bra and undies (normal person undies). When I saw the picture, I did not laugh. I threw up in my mouth. Sad. I think it was the back side that got me.

Mae Rae said...

i am with you on this one. I have three children and stretch marks beyond stretch marks and even though I weigh less than I did when I got pregnant with my second and third I am not happy with my body fat. Girdles have become my best friend.

Gucci Mama said...

I practically shower with clothes on so I don't have to be repulsed every morning at my own image. So the picture thing is probably not happening in this house any time soon.

In other news, I'm going to watch that video like twenty more times. That was awesome.

Kristina P. said...

What, we don't get to see the picture? :)

T said...

I'm shuddering - my body image is currently so screwed up that the very idea of a picture of my back fat is making me ill... and I think it's getting worse with each passing day.

I NEED to do something about it... last year I was SO worried about my spare 6 pounds... and now I'm a little too accepting of my spare 20+ (they've ganged up on me?)

I keep telling myself that today is the day... and that usually lasts until about 10 a.m.

Always Home and Uncool said...

All I'm sayin' is: Beer has not been good to my belly.

Candice said...

You could have at least posted a picture of an elephant, orca whale, or Gabourey Sidibe, but nothing?

The fuck?

Anyway, now that I'm over my initial let-down, best of luck to you! :)

PJ - Our life said...

I think everyone has an area or two that they don't like on them, but it is how you deal with it that counts.

In the video I loved to watch the guy in the blue shirt with the hat on backwardS!!! THanks for sharing!!

Barbaloot said...

That video is amazing! I want to marry every single one of those guys...except the ones wearing capris. That's just wrong.

And body image. I did a before picture awhile ago. It's the back that's painful. Like, you're kind of used to your side and front images, and then you see your read...yikes!! I'm traumatized for life :)

The Urban Cowboy said...

I think you are on the right track, and before you know it your goals will be attained.

Danielle said...

Oh, and let me tell you, it gets worse the closer to 40 I get. I used to be able to look in the mirror without cringing. Not so much anymore!

Momma Sunshine said...

I struggled through most of my life with severe body image issues and disordered eating. It took a lot of hard work to get past all of that...but it came. I still have days when I hate my body and all I see are the flaws, but for the most part, I am able to be happy and comfortable in my own skin.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Debbie- see you are where I'd like to be now! Hehe. My thing is, will I ever be satisfied? How DO people get to that place of being okay with their body?

Stefunkc-ummm yea right. No freaking way I'm that brave. I am determined this is the last thing I do. Now or never sort of deal.

MommyJ-tell me...how do you embrace it? What do I need to change? How do I change it. I wish I was pleasantly surprised...that would be awesome! I need to write another post with just those questions!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

OCB-i mean I like me- I just have never liked the outer shell that encases me-my soul- kinda thing. I struggle so much with it and want to change it, but with little success.

MaeRae-i have done girdles and want to get spanks--but those things have to come off at some point and there is the body in the mirror.

GM-the picture thing I think helped. I looked at it just this morning and it's super motivating and good to come to mind when there were cookies at work. The video rocks huh?

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Kristina p-hey no way I'm showing that--well okay- I promise to show it when I have a fitness model body--then yea for sure I'll sport the before body.

T-my back! Don't get me started. Well I do this thing I'm doing and WHEN it works, I'll tell you all about it!

AHAUncool-your beer is my Strawberry Frozen Yogurt-

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Candice- HEY! Are you saying I'm comparable to an elephant!? But you should keep in mind I'm a lett-er down-er--i hardly ever live up to expectations...it's what I'm best at. I won't need luck--i'll need skill and like nine lives.

Amanda- yep! Sports bra and boy shorts! Aaaaccckkkkk! Right-the back side was when I snorted through my nose.

PJ-since I know you in real life. Just tell me your secrets and I'm well on my way to super sexy and fit! No lie about the blue shirt guy huh?

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Barb- they are definitely hot because they can sing. All way younger than me, but perfect for you! Don't let you fool yourself--th whole thing was painful!

Urban Cowboy- gah! I hope so! Will you wear a cheerleading skirt if I do attain my goals? I think that would a great motivator... Just sayin.

Danielle- I might as well be 40! I've treated my body bad enough that it's aged decades. Bleh. See my problem, is even when I had a nice body- I looked in the mirror and cringed. I'm hard on myself.

Momma Sunshine-please tell me how you overcame it! Please! I know that is half my battle. I don't even know where to start.

Garden of Egan said...

I wish mine were only 20 pounds! I think you look completely darling.

I'm glad you are enjoying working out and dying in the process. You are probably paying for that priviledge too aren't you?

I think you should have posted the pics. Seriously.
Then we could laugh with you.

Love yer guts!

MommyJ said...

I wish my surprise was pleasant too... it's more like, "good grief does my butt really look that big?! I swear it was smaller than that when I looked in the mirror this morning!" Well um, yeah, I guess it does because it IS that big. But that's okay. Before baby number five, I was working out, trying to shed the baby weight gained from baby number 4. For two solid months, I ran every single freakin day. Not just a little jog, I ran, 3 miles, hard. And I didn't drop a single pound. It was the most frustrating thing. But then, I decided that I was running because I liked the way it made me feel, not for size, not for numbers on the scale. Oddly enough, it was after I mentally relaxed and let myself off the hook, so to speak, that I did drop a few pounds. Even still, it was only a few pounds. Genetically, I just don't think it's in the cards for me to be really skinny... I'll always have a certain degree of voluptuousness.. but uh, so does Jennifer Lopez and she's managed just fine, yes?

Que said...

I had a friend who took a before pic and started a "lifestyle change". Their after pic was worse than the before pic. I'm sure you really wanted to hear that. :)

Here's to tackling those few pounds that we could all stand to lose!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Garden of Egan- I AM paying for the torture...that is funny huh? I promise I'll post the pics when I show you how my body has changed ;) (crossing toes)

MommyJ-i did that very thing! I trained for a 1/2 marathon and ran everyday. Long runs, short runs, I just ran and ran. I didn't lose a pound either. I ate the same only thing that changed was I exercised more! So in all I should have shedded some pounds.

But I agree- I believe in the whole mind over matter and I believe my mentality is what's keeping me from really having any success. I won't ever be really skinny either, but I do want to be the best me...I'm afraid I just won't realize when that is. Ya know?

I need to mentally relax. I just need a starting point.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Que!!! LOL! I would probably have just by passed taking an after picture if that was the case, save myself the humiliation.

Are you also volunteering to wear a cheer skirt if I hit my goal? :)

Que said...

Cheer skirt??? Wait a minute... I didn't read about that in the blog. That would just be ridiculous! You would never catch me in one of those things.

...What size is it?

One Cluttered Brain said...

I do love myself though. I've at least learned that I need to like myself and be happy with who I am inside and out...
This was an excellent post BTW! Made me think!

wendy said...

Here I was all set up thinking the video would be of your photos...the before..........come on now.
Ha, I laugh at you and your little itty bitty 20 lbs that you think you have to loose.
Even at your starting weight.....I bet you weigh less then MY reasonalbe goal weight....just saying.
Ah, to be young, and fit again
BUT........all things serious here
I hear ya...good to have goals

I'd give my love handles for a gym right now. Living in the country has it's deficits.

Cherie said...

Good for you! It sounds like Boot Camp - so awesome!
I think all women think about body image and we all make excuses, sometimes we accept it, and some days we go - Hello I need to lose weight.
It's just a lifetime process!
I knew when I saw this skinny little minnie at the gym with the perfect body and she was complaining that there was no hope for the rest of us!

MerriannE said...

i feel ya shelle.
i have the same problem.....

i gotta get my gut in gear and start making a change!!!!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Que-it's a one size fits all... any color you want! :) It wasn't mentioned in the blog... it came through a fit of inspiration, so I think you and Urban Cowboy and Uncool should just go with it.

OCB--that is so cool. I wish I was there as far as my body goes.

Wendy--20 lbs is a lot when you're trying to get it off!!! But I hear ya, your situation is probably way more difficult that you can't just up and run to a supportive gym or something like that. But Cowboys are always out working and they have a lot of land to walk around... I'd be the one with the telephoto lens taking pictures of all the work, but not actually participating. You just enjoy your life... you're happy and I think you look great!

Cherie--ugh! that's probably true. I don't always hate my body. But I'd say I hate it more than I've ever found it acceptable. But you are right... it's one vicious cycle.

Merrianne--I saw you in a swimming suit girl that one year... remember... your body is SMOKIN! But I get it... we all have our dislikes I guess :)

mother goose said...

what you're a lady gaga fan?? say it aint so? AND you live in UTAH??? GAaspuh!!! I just read some blog, and she was so dissin her and music and her clothes. LOL

Tiaras said...

I used to be much better about my body image . . . oddly, I was one of those people that ate whatever they wanted and never gained an ounce of weight. FOR YEARS this went on!! I have always been very active in my life and am naturally skinny (my entire family is as well). But once I hit age 41ish - BAM - my metabolism pretty much just STOPPED on me cold turkey. I still ate the same and I started to gain weight - I was in shock (I think I still am). I know what I need to do to lose weight is exercise - heck I even joined a Jazzercise class in Jan - that lasted all of 3 months for me. i have decided that I don't like exercising. So, now what? who knows??

Tiffany said...

I'm with you on not liking what I see in the mirror. My plan this year is to try out the P90X because I know so many people who love it - once they get past cursing it's existence. I'm also looking into getting a punching bag - not so much for my body but more for getting out the emotional build-up and I think that will help me overall. Good luck with what your doing!!

Lisa said...

I feel like I read this exactly when I needed to. It's been a rough week of self doubt and hating what my body's become. After having Lyme for 5 years and gaining over 60 lbs., and having a lifetime of food issues, I've hit rock bottom. None of my clothes fit. I don't recognize myself in photos. I'd rather hide at home than go out. I didn't even want to go to EVO because I was so self conscious. So thank you for being so honest and open. You inspire me. I had already decided that next week I go back to the gym and work with my trainer, and now I have even more motivation!

Joanna Cake said...

My own problems with body image are well documented.

But you have accepted your body as it is now so that's a good start. So many people dont actually look at themselves. Having to see a real picture is crucial to understanding and accepting.

Just remember, starving yourself will not help! Good healthy meals containing ingredients from all themain food groups plus regular exercise is the only way to get fit and stay fit.

But don't forget to love yourself and have a treat now and again :)

Good Luck x

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