Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Discussion on Body Image... HOW?

Another Discussion Time:

Body Image.

Okay so if you didn't read my post from yesterday, then this post isn't going to make a whole lot of sense. So scroll down and read. But if you don't, you still will have an opinion, I bet... so maybe forget about the reading below? Who cares. We need to talk regardless.

I wrote yesterday's post because I needed to. I felt compelled to tell you guys that my experience with my before picture came as a surprise and well, there wasn't much I could do about it. THAT'S how I looked whether I liked it or not. I mean my body didn't get that way by itself. It had help. Particularly my hands and mouth and love for food.

Regardless. Whenever I mix ME, and looking at my body, it most always equals a bit of depression and "Whoa is me" sort of mood, maybe some tears if I'm really feeling good and dramatic.

So I was surprised that I reacted by laughing. It wasn't a normal response so I think my subconscious has given up on me and decided that it just doesn't care anymore--so it laughed at me. Either way, that was the whole point of my post. Seriously. Well, that and the video. ROCKED!

But now I want to discuss. Because anytime I bring up BODY IMAGE I almost always get those of you who tell me that you have been through the same thing but have conquered the big FIGHT and have found a place of happiness and peace withIN yourself, particularly your body. You have come to terms, you are now centered, you are whatever is the point where you are OKAY with your body.

My question is HOW? HOW did you get there? How do I tell myself my body looks good when I can look in the mirror and see that it doesn't.

 Am I healthy? By most standards, but not always. I'm not extremely obese or over-weight no, but I'm not slim by any means either. I'm slightly above average (meaning I have some va-voom and junk in the trunk-literally-if you count the Peanut Butter M&M's I ate almost constantly when I was pregnant with my first.)

I don't know where to start? I don't need more confidence or a higher self esteem. I just want to know how you become okay with your body? Even when I WAS in shape, according to society's or should I say main stream media's standards, I was never really okay with it. My body image problem didn't grow over night, it has cultivated itself over many years, it isn't easily overcome.

But I'd like to know how I get there. Do I hypnotize myself? Do I meditate? Do I see a therapist? Do I read some book? (Besides the BofM-cause I's already DONE that yo!)

What do I do?

I'm extremely happy and may I say jealous you are there, to that point. I WANT to be there. I WANT to work on my body and when it gets to the point of NON VOMITNESS in an AFTER picture, I want to be happy with myself. How do I see myself BETTER than I, well, SEE myself?

I know this screwed up way I thwart my body image is half my battle. Mind over matter. I believe that with all of my heart.

So tell me... what did YOU do?

Guys--how are you okay naked with a beer gut and hair on your back? How do you STILL feel sexy?

Girls who are at peace with their weight and body image--HOW did YOU get there? How did YOU change your mind from not being OKAY with your body... to being OKAY with it?

In other news... Some of you were disappointed I didn't share my before picture: Here you go you jerks!

Okay I MAY have gotten that in an People Of Walmart email.  Like I was really going to put my BEFORE picture out there!!!  I'm a sissy, deal with it.  But you get the general idea now of what my butt looks like ;) Come on, that's funny right there. I always tell people to appreciate my LOVE for layering... or else you'd get that picture above!

And I want you also to know how dedicated I am to this new lifestyle change. I did 75 pull ups(among other things in the workout) on a bar (assisted with a rubber band-not going to explain it) and got these suckers.

Take THAT for commitment! (And it's WAY worse in real life)

Okay... discuss away. Tell me your seeing-my-body-image-in-a-better-light SECRETS.



The Urban Cowboy said...

One of the best things to do is go on daily walks.

I'm very comfortable with my body image, probably because I don't have a beer gut, or overly hairy back.

I did used to powerlift, so I am not in the same shape as I used to be, but I am in a different stage of my life where it is an impossibility to do/be what I used to.

I actually used to have STRENGTH image, I wasn't happy because I am no longer as strong as I used to be. No more 500lb bench presses for this body.

Healthy and moderate in my eating and exercise works best for me.

Brittney said...

i havent made it to the after picture yet well unless you count before the weight gain haha.. anyway i know when i lost it before i still saw myself as the fat girl i just think it takes time & acceptance ;)

Gucci Mama said...

I think I have waaaaaay to much self esteem for my dress size, quite frankly. There are thin people who look in the mirror and see fat; I am a fat person who looks in the mirror and sees, well, not reality. But then I might be walking outside and see my reflection in a store window or look at a photograph of myself now or one when I was 20 and weighed 118 pounds and I just kind of double over in horror.

I got to the place recently where I decided enough was enough not so much because I was tired of being fat, though that certainly is part of it, but because I decided there is so little in my life I can control, I can at least control my weight. That has motivated me like nothing else has in the last four years since pregnancy and eating like a horse have made me into a fat ass.

I don't know what the secret is to being happy with where you're at, though. Shit, if I knew that, a lot of things would be changing right along with my weight!

I hope you meet your weight loss goals, love. ;)

mother goose said...

I think inside always lies insecurities however, for the most part my change came when I finally felt completely comfortable with myself and accepted myself for who I was and who I was, was good enough. I truly believe it comes from knowing the Savior. Cliche but true. When you truly understand his love for you and his acceptance. It is amazing. Sister Hinckley's book glimpses has really put in perspective my life and what it should be! I needn't try to be the most educated or degreed on paper! Education can come without a degree. It is my go to book for everything.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Aloha girlfriend! LUB YOU! Great post. Sooooo sooooo true. And heeeeelarious photographic evidence.

I'll tell you the secret. You just wait until you get into your forties. The forties are awesome.

That's it.

You've still got like ten years to go, sorry. ;)

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

The Urban Cowboy- okay, daily walks it is. I get that my body will change as I eat right and exercise, but I wonder if that will be enough to change my mind?

And your dodging the cheer skirt challenge!!! Awesome that you use to power lift! Totally impressive. Did you wear your cowboy hat while benching 500lbs?

Brittney- Maybe it is time...I'm horrible with patience and waiting things out. Acceptance is what I'm striving for. Thanks.

Gucci Mama- it's true I do have control over my body, but my hunger and love of food doesn't seem to get that. I don't see reality either, what I see is probably wwwaaayyy off than what I acrtually look like.

I play this game with my husband and I point out women I think are close to my body type. He always says I'm way off, way too big, yet, to me that is what I seem. I am a very confident person in almost every other aspect of my life. Thanks!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Mother Goose-but how do u get completely comfortable with yourself? I mean I need to lose weight, that's a fact. Is being okay with it in my best interest? I want to be comfortable with it when I'm actually in shape... The thing is, I'm completely spiritual and my whole life has been dedicated in knowing my Savior. I am not mocking him because I know that the body he did give me is incredible-but he didn't give me the extra fat-that I did myself.

I need to go get that book. Thank you so much. Daily inspiration and positive thinking seems to be a recurring theme. Love ya girl!

CTD- okay, then I'll suffer until I'm 40! Hehehehe.

Garden of Egan said...

Shelle, I don't know what to tell you!
I'm certainly not there and I'm freaking old!
Six years ago I was doing South Beach and I was soooo dedicated.
For 7 months, no pop, candy, white anything. I was so perfect. I ran and did sit-ups. Can I just say I was hot? Ya, I was.
I lost 53 pounds and I looked and felt so good.
I keep looking back to that six years ago, wishing I hadn't gained it all back.
I own my problem.
I just can't figure out why I don't make a change.
When you come up with the answers post about it will ya?

Gucci Mama said...

Oh, I get that, for sure. My epiphany only came because there are two things, literally two things that I have control over in my life. How clean my house is and my fat ass. So my house is immaculate because I clean furiously and have a maid and while I used to control my weight the wrong way - getting fat as some kind of self sabotage, cutting off my nose to spite my face type of deal - I'm not punishing myself anymore, if that makes sense.

Not saying that's what you're doing at all; our lives are vastly different. You are confident and joyful and amazing because a.) you're very self aware and b.) you have the support and love of your husband and family and c.) you have no reason not to be because you rock.

I have confidence because I am giving the people in my life who have tried to break me a big fat "fuck you". But that's all about stubbornnes, not any real reason to be confident. Because, seriously, my ass is epic.

Candice said...

Go see a therapist. It helped me. ;) You have to work on that negative tape recorder that has been playing for no telling how long inside of your head.

It's a long process that doesn't get better over night.

Jack said...

Urban Cowboy- I hear you. I am not nearly as strong as I used to be. Still stronger than most I encounter, but I feel the difference. The day that my strength truly goes is going to be exceptionally sad for me.

But the overall question of being secure with my body, well age has a lot to do with it.

I had the hard body. Never had any insecurities- than kids, marriage, mortgage and all came and I lost it.

Not in horrible shape, but nothing compared to where I was. Overall I am confident because that is who I am and because at 41 I don't care what others think.

mother goose said...

ok, after further pondering. I was thinking I know that certain ethnic groups, black to be specific. Their oversized large women, according to the world's standards, They consider themselves big black and beautiful! Now, what in their up bringing and in their perception was able to give them that mindset? Is it because society and media are not filled and cluttered by skinny black women let alone large black women? Is it because as a society our mind, media and images are filled with what beauty is? and its a thin white woman? PERHAPS! but, what in their culture has allowed them to deny the stereotype of being thin and white and knowing that there is worth in size no matter what size you are??

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Garden of Egan-that is just the thing. This time I have to change for good... I don't want to ever "diet" again.

I can't figure it out either-but you will be the first I contact if I do!

GM-i see what you are saying. I'm extremely lucky true. That makes more sense to me. So I need to find someone who I want to say "F you" to and let it motivate me. :) no in all seriousness. I get what your saying.

Candice-yes working on the tape recorder...but how again? Not over night is the truest words ever spoken huh. Your queen of workout DVD's so I trust ya. My problem is ME... And that just sucks.

Jack- see I am not one to really care what people think most of the time either. But it's not really caring what THEY think which is my problem, it is the ME caring what I think. Ya know?

I don't really care if my friends think I've gained 50 pounds or that I let myself go. I care is my problem. I judge myself.

But people keep saying age will help. To be honest, I hope so, and I can't wait to feel that relief.

Mothergoose- wow! So true. I'd like to know also! I think you are on to something. Why IS that?

See I've also tried the looking in the mirror and saying "girl you're body is HOTT! And then I repeat, until I start laughing at myself. At least it keeps me happy! ;)

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Tiaras- well that shot the age thing outta the water!!! Or maybe that just works for naturally skinny people? Who knows.

If you hate exercising then it's all what you eat.

Or that's what I'm told ;)

T said...

The walking - it's not all about the exercise. There's a real valid reason I describe my morning constitutionals as "my morning therapy"... it's on one of these walks recently that I discovered I wanted to kill the next person that told me to "get with the program" - and then discovered that maybe they were right... but this time I was going to be the one picking the program at least!

you know I'm not in love with my body image (I'm not 40 quite yet, maybe Crash has a point?) but I am learning to find a new happy point... perhaps I wasn't meant to wear a size 2?

Kathi Oram Peterson said...

This is a constant struggle for me, too. But I've joined a gym and try to use their exercise cycles at least three times a week. What I love about this is I can read while I work out. I'm going to try some weight training next.

What we have to focus on is being healthy. I know you've heard it before, but it's true. Healthy exercises and healthy food. And yes, chocolate is healthy! ;)

Momma Sunshine said...

The only thing that I can tell you is that it must be a conscious decision. You have to decide that you are going to accept your body as it is and love it no matter what it looks like. Our bodies are miracles in action, and we should appreciate them for being such.

That doesn't mean that you're giving up or that you don't want to look better, it just means that you can love yourself in the meantime.

The Bare Essentials Today said...

I truly don't think I will ever be comfortable with my body. I have run the gammut from way too thin, average, chubbier than average and I'm never happy. Even when I was at my thinnest (which I think was way too thin) there was always something that I found wrong.

If you find that magical answer, share please!

BTW....thwarted? Very old school! lol!

Danielle said...

I was just wondering this morning why I have become so grouchy over the last couple of week and when I thought about it, it is because I have put on a few pounds and haven't been to the gym. It is sad that my whole personality is direct response to how I think I look.
So, if you figure out how to just be ok, pass it along to me please. I am sick of caring so much about how I look.

Serene is my name, not my life! said...

Oh Shelle-Girl, I get it. And I'm talking, eating disorder as a teenager get it.

My dad use to always tell me that if you want something, and want it back enough, you have to make yourself mentally make it possible. Not just tell yourself you want something, but visualize in your mind the how and when, in every detail.

After baby #3 I was determined to get into shape and be healthy! After a ton of research, I went with the Eat 4 Your Blood Type. It's more for health then weight loss but the losing weight is a natural side effect and I felt AWESOME! I had so much stinkin' energy I working out every day!

But alas, that was one baby ago. Still working on getting back to my happy place. :D

Andrea said...

I wrote this great comment for you. But my bb ate it. Aggh.

I don't think it matters if you're overweight or thin, we all have body issues. I've been 100 lbs since high school. Does it mean I like my body? Heck no! I'd trade up for some boobies and maybe some fat on my arms so I don't look like a toothpick.

Point is the media makes us think we have to all be beautiful and thin and perfect. Forget that!

Just be yourself and be heathly! I think you look great ;)

Kimi said...

Shelle, I cannot believe you posted MY ass on your blog. How rude?

Okay fine. But seriously I do look in the mirror and think mine looks just like that. I'm so not the girl to ask about improving the way you see yourself.

Que said...

This was great! I'm thinking I want to wear what's in the Walmart pic instead of the Cheer Skirt. Can we make that happen?

Seriously, though, that's a good question as to why men aren't worried about their look. I wish I had an answer for it. But I guess, like my look, I haven't really thought that much about it. I think of MY weight in terms of general health as opposed to my look. SO I stay at a healthy weight and I don't worry about the rest. I know that doesn't help you but that's how I manage.

Melissa Bastow said...

I dunno. Growing up, my mom was ALWAYS on a diet and worried about her weight. So guess what I do? Constantly worry about my fatty-fatishness. I'm actually pretty disgusted that I'm fat. So I was going to read through the comments here, to learn the techniques of a good body image. But then I remembered that people who are comfortable with their bodies make me sort of spitefully hateful and kind of nauseous. Which just shows how emotionally stable I am...

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

T- that morning therapy would probably do me some good I bet. I should start doing that. I just want to find a happy point so I know it's just stopping the internal negative thought and maybe that morning walk will help.

Kathi- it's true, when I do eat healthy I don't feel as much guilt or maybe I'm mistaking guilt for bloated...either way, the feeling is bad.

Momma Sunshine- that makes sense with the conscious decision. Thoughts are harder to stop then I realized. Because I want this so bad I believe my choice is made, but stopping those internal thoughts which are neagtive, when I look in a mirror, has been my challenge. Does it get easier? I love, "it just means you can love yourself in the meantime" that is so true. Great perspective.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Danielle- that is me! With my personality! And being directly related to how I look! It majorly sucks huh. I'm with you, I'm way sick of caring so much.

Serene-that "eat for ur blood type" sounds interesting. I'm going to Google that. Can you give me more info? The energy would be awqesome right now!

Andrea- nothing worse than a bb eating a comment--sucks. It's true about the media, but I also think it's even things like the porn industry which is huge. Healthy and me...I'm working on it.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Kimi- your right, I should have asked permission first! Hehehe that was funny! That is the thing, I look in the mirror and see that also. Thanks for being honest.

Que- that outfit will work also and that color would look way better on you.that's probably the key is that guys DON'T think that much about it. And no, it helps me, staying at a healthy weight should always be my goal.

Bare essentials- yes, because in my mind I have always been an old soul! :) it's probably why I like history so much. I will pass on the answer if I ever find out!

Melissa- mu mom was also! She put me on fat pills in 6th grade! I'm right their with you girl, I could have wrote that comment!

Adoption of Jane said...

Hey you! I miss ya! Losing weight is a never ending battle. We just have to change our lifestyle and focus on putting whats healthy into our bodys... and the rest will come. Ugh! I am going through it to!

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Paul G said...

Can you imagine if that was an "after" picture?

wendy said...

I certainly am NOT happy with my body image right now. No sirreeee!!
I have gained 20 lbs since moving up here. It was a traumatic change for me, missing my family, carrying alot of guilt, not working or having a gym to go to...A LONG WINTER, no friends.
so I ate.
and sat around
and sulked

Now I can't stand to look at myself and my whole wardrobe doesn't fit me.
I have never been so disgusted with myself in my life.
I turn 59 this year and I totally do not want to turn into a frumpy old lady.
I have never been perfectly happy with my body image....but especially now.

I can't let myself become "comfortable" with my body right now or I'd be in serious trouble.
We have to be careful to not let "comfortable" become the excuse for "I just don't want to bother with it anymore"

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