Monday, August 2, 2010

Change sometimes frustrates me.

There comes a point when I just have to roll my eyes and say, "Enough is enough".

I get that people want to change. I get that people HAVE to change. What I hate is when they are obviously faking it to make it. Ya know what I mean?

I hate that it seems forced, this new personality they are attaching themself with. I hate that they are so enamored of molding into someone or something else that they seem totally unattached from what they were.

I hate that I no longer get them or understand them or KNOW them.

They seem so completely different that I want to punch them back to who they were. I want to pull out the DVD of their life from when the change began and make them sit and watch it. Then we can laugh at them together like a really bad reality show.

I know I sound awful right now. I know I may even sound selfish. But I'm kinda just sick of it. I'm sick of getting to know someone, investing time in who they are, falling in love with what I know of them, and then they go and decide that who they are isn't good enough for them, even though who they are is incredible, and beautiful, and all together worthy of not only MY attentions but every one who cares for them.

Why does a journey of self-discovery for some people mean that they have to change who they are? Why can't it just be a journey of finding out WHAT they are, and why they are special that way?

Now don't get me wrong. I KNOW we all change little by little from experiences thrown our way in the path of life. I realize that it isn't as much CHANGE as it is evolving or growing into a greater and more fuller person. What makes me spasm a bit, is when a person I love and know seems to fall back into a more shallow person as a result of their self-discovery, rather than a more fuller person. It's like instead of wanting to grow, they just want to return to life when responsibility was something they talked about with OLD people.

I am probably the ONLY person that feels this way or even understands what I'm saying. But I had to say it. I had to write this out, because if I didn't, I might have actually confronted these people and said things I couldn't take back. And even though I'm irritated with them and there are days I've had enough... I'm still the sucker, because I still completely love them... even if right now I barely recognize who they even are.

And then I sit here reading the black words on top of the white background and wonder if I am the one who has changed, if I am the one disappointing those around me.

Feel free to unleash whatever awesome advice you have for me.  Especially if you understood anything of what I just said.  If not... then please leave something I can laugh at and post on twitter...


Picture taken from Google Images HERE


T said...

well said. bravo :) (or is it brava?)

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

I'm not sure. But I see we both posted about what we talked about on the drive back :)

The Urban Cowboy said...

Dang...I didn't know you loved me! If I knew that I wouldn't have changed for ya! :)

Always Home and Uncool said...

But ... But ... I thought you'd like me as a redhead? I matched the rug to the curtains and everything.

Oh, Shelle, I don't know what to say except to that make sure you take a good, hard look to see if there is something left there that you recognize and can make re-grow.

Papa K said...

Hmmm. My earth shattering advice is that everyone comes into your life for a reason... even if just for a little while. I know... deep stuff, huh. But it's true.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

TUC- great knowledge that does for us now!!! ;)

Always Home and Uncool-there is, especially since I can still get frustrated by it... ya know? Means I still care.

Papak-so true. They are meant to come into our lives for a reason. I just hate to see the part where they leave... but yea, deep stuff. :)

BTW everyone, this is NOT about my husband. Thought I should be clear about that. See the comment I wrote on Real World Venus vs. Mars today and you'll understand.

Melissa Bastow said...

Yeah, that's frustrating. It's a good thing I don't have a lot of friends that I have to worry about changing on me...

Cherie said...

You must be dealing with someone very frustrating in your life right now.
I know I have written posts like this to vent when someone does something that bugs the crap out of me.
People sometimes drive me to insanity.

Barbaloot said...

I'm so sorry---you sound so frustrated! I wish I could help. I know I'm a different person than I was in jr. high/high school, but I like me more know than I did back then. It's like I actually started being the person I really am. But it's less shallow than it was then:)

Momma Sunshine said...

My take is that part of loving someone unconditionally is continuing to love them even when they change in ways we don't necessarily like. At the end of the day, the important thing is them, and if they are happy with their life and where they are going. And if they can answer "yes" to that question, then all we can do is let them go.

I have changed a lot in the last two years of my life. I am sure that there are a lot of former friends who feel that those changes are for the worse, based on the relationship that we used to have. But I can, without a doubt, say that I am a much healthier and stronger person. It's their own issues and biases that are getting in the way of seeing that.

Now, I'm not saying that's the case with you, Shelle. I guess I'm just trying to suggest that there might be factors at work that you're not fully aware of. :-)

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Melissa Bastow-Ha! That's smart...I would do that, but I'd wither and die without friends, even ones that frustrate me.

Cherie-People can make me insane. I bet I make people insane. I guess I"m just getting back what I've dished out! :)

Barb-I think growing up and maturing is different than growing up and moving backwards in your change... ya know what I mean?

Momma Sunshine- I actually don't believe in love that is unconditioned. But I do understand what you are saying. The thing is, I don't stop loving them, but I do get extremely frustrated with them.

I'm not sure what their answers to your questions would be... I think I wouldn't be as frustrated if I didn't care, but I also am frustrated because I don't really believe it's making them happy, but I think THEY believe it will make them happy.

I can admit, I don't know what factors began their change or their journey and so I can see what you mean.

In this case, I think they are giving up too much of the most wonderful parts of them. But as you said, it's up to them and their own happiness.

Thanks MS :)

SciFi Dad said...

Just because you like the person today doesn't mean you will dislike the changed person tomorrow, and if you do dislike them, isn't it possible that the person you liked wasn't the real person in the first place? In other words, weren't you "in like" with something fake?

Danielle said...

Why does a journey of self-discovery for some people mean that they have to change who they are? Why can't it just be a journey of finding out WHAT they are, and why they are special that way?
I really like this concept. The only problem for me is that I don't know who I am sometimes. Like really am, not just the surface stuff. And some of the things I am learning about myself, I don't like.

Tit for Tat said...


I heard a good one.

"When people show you who they are, believe them"

Garden of Egan said...

I have no advice. I feel much the same.
I would love to give you a hug.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

SciFi-maybe I was in like with the fake person they were. But when someone seems to take two steps back in character it makes you wonder.

Danielle- I get that. But if you don't like it, I doubt those close to you will like it either. Unless of course you were faking who you were your whole life. I just doubt someone can do it for that long. But I do get what you are saying.

Tit for tat- but which part do I believe? The part that they showed me before that seemed real and true, or this new person they claim is really them? What do I believe? If that IS them then how do I trust them when they showed me someone fake the whole time I knew them up until the change.?

Garden of egan- I'll take the hug! :)

wendy said...

I like consistency too. That is why I remain a Pain in the ass.
It makes people feel better.

ModernMom said...

I do know what you are talking about. I find the people who change like that just have not found their own sense of self. They are not confident in who they are. The older you get, the less you worry, the less change you see! :)

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