Friday, February 26, 2010

Where I define Love-Your Welcome

So I had time to read blogs the other day and I stopped on my friends blog and read THIS post.

It is his take on LOVE.

If I didn't know any better, I'd have thought my husband wrote this.

So I thought I'd kinda respond on what I think LOVE is. From my perspective. Even though nobody asked me! :)

Now that you have seen the introduction you have fair warning what it's going to be about. So stop reading if this topic makes you squirm! :)

Every relationship I've ever been in I'm IN because I like the person. When it came to boyfriends I liked them AND I lusted after them which can often be confused with LOVING THEM and often is, especially when we are young and have learned "love" through media. But having now been married to the same person for 10 years I realize that he is the only person I have EVER truly LOVED that wasn't my family.

My friend asks in his post: "First what is it? I mean how do you know you have it? It always seemed to me that everyone that ever had or was in love cried all the time. How could that be good enough to want it? Why would anyone have it?" and later on he asks these questions, "how would I know? I mean do bells go off? Do I get something? Does my stomach feel like I'm gonna have the squirts?" (he has a way with words right? *snort* at squirts)

So... here is how I see love. Or how I KNOW I love my husband. Even though in no way did anyone ask me. I just want to share my opinion!

Love is built upon--Lust or Like. But like and lust are fickle. It's ever changing and doesn't last, but that is how most relationships start. You either lust after them or you like them enough to hang out with them more than once. (exception being your own kids. Most parents will agree that you LOVE them first)

Most people confuse love for wanting to be with a person all.the.time or wanting to jump on them and have their way with them or something like that. But to me, that is lust or a lot and lot of like. But not love. I was like that with a lot of people in my life. Especially guys I liked. I just HAD to talk to them or be around them and if we dated and then kissed a lot...BOOM I thought I was in LOVE!. Then after just a few weeks I'd get sick of them. The newness died away and life would interfere. Or they might have gotten sick of me (Pshaw! yea right! I just had to put that in there so you didn't feel I was cocky). Or I met someone else that I liked (lusted after) more. So I was never really in love. But by society's definition I was. I had my fair share of crying over people leaving my life... but I realized it was mostly because I didn't control their leaving. Funny right? With every situation like that I was already trying to find a way out myself, but the fact that I didn't control when it happened I felt more vulnerable... does that makes sense? So I cried over hurt pride not necessarily the person.

Or they confuse LOVE with Romance. That can't be true though. A person could never have someone do romantic things for them and yet still be shown love or feel love. And on the reverse, someone could be showered with romance and still feel as though they haven't been loved or been shown love. Romance is an added bonus for sure, but unnecessary to love someone.

So now that I have separated what most people deem as love. Here is what I think it means.

Love to me isn't as much an emotion, as it is an action. Do I love to hear my husband whisper in my ear, "I love you". YES! Very much so! But if he hadn't of already showed me he loved me, he could whisper until he was blue in the face--but I'd never believe it. For example: my weight. My husband tells me how beautiful my body is to him but in my mind I see my body differently. I don't believe it, so therefore I don't believe him. Get it?

Love for me is the things he does to SHOW me he wants me in his life by taking care of me. He protects me. He provides for me. He does random things to make my life easier. He will do things I ask him to do even though I KNOW he would rather be doing something else, meaning he would be ANYWHERE else rather than where he is. He respects me and treats me that way. He forgives me when I do things that I'm sorry for. He sees a need of mine and takes care of it and sometimes even my wants. He shoves me out the door when I need GIRL time or MY time. He is supportive when I try something new.

But also I know he loves me because at times he DOESN'T like me, yet he still loves me. I drive him crazy. He'll fight with me to defend his position. I'm almost sure he's held back from knocking me upside the head.

And see... I LOVE him because I want and I do those same things for him.

Also, love for me is the person I don't ever want out of my life even during those times I'm mad or angry at them. I'd rather be mad at them with them in my life then to not have them at all. I KNOW I love my husband because if he ever left me by death or some other way I wouldn't and couldn't just forget about him. Sure I'd still live my life, kind of like when you lose someone you love by death, you still continue to live your life after they are gone, but they aren't forgettable They are ingrained in memories that involve action and smell, they are always one thought away. My husband is the reason for most ups in my life and the reason for most downs. He is both the good and the bad. I think love encompasses both.

I don't know if any of that makes sense really to you guys... and I definitely think Sage was lost as soon as I said the word LOVE.

But in a nutshell. Love is an action more than an emotion. It is what you do daily in your life for the people you don't want out of your life.

What about you guys? How do you feel about it? How do you define it?

Late EDIT: Go ahead and add your list of what you think LOVE entails! Like some of you have been doing in comments! :) hahahaha @ Home and Uncool's comment! Isn't that the truth!


The Boob Nazi said...

I've never been in love, so thank you for this post! I've always wondered.

Anonymous said...

I think you know you are in love when you roll over, and the person next to you has drooled and is stuck to the a mess, smells a bit, and you dont throw them out of your bed;)

Shell said...

My definition is very much like yours, though I'm feeling too lazy to dig up what I've written about it. LOL

Great post!

Barbaloot said...

I'm pretty dang sure I've never been in love. And one thing that I can't bring myself to do is tell my friends I love them. Lots of times when we're saying bye, getting off the phone etc. it's like, "K-love you. Bye." And I just respond "Bye." It's weird to me that they say that. I like them a lot-they're great friends. But I don't want to tell them I love them.

And now I'm on my way to put this same thought on my blog:)

Always Home and Uncool said...

Love is still wanting to be with someone no matter how often they refuse to put a new roll of TP on the spindle.

The Wixom Zoo said...

I liked this post. It's hard to know what love is when you've never been "in" love before. I know I love my husband when he farts or doesn't take a shower for a few days and I still want to have him around.

Anjeny said...

WELL...that is a DEEP subject, get it? Well, deep. Sorry, my poor attempt at humor so early in the morning without enough sleep, breakfast and no shower yet...LOL.

Yes, I read Sage's post and I responded to his post and looks like a post is coming up from him out of my comment and I am actually looking forward to read what he got to say..imagine that.

Moving on...when I was little (our house sits right across the road from a Protestant synogue(sp?) and the young people there would meet every Thursday night, like our youth for mutual..there was a song that they sang religiously (get it, church, religious, sorry, sidetracked) that opened up with something like "Love is very patient, very kind..."

I thought it was really a neat definition of what love is but now being wife and mom, I am not the most patient person in the world and more often than not, I'm not very kind when it comes to my family. So what does that mean then? Do I not love my family according to that song? Hmmmm.

As I think more on it, no that doesn't mean I don't love my family at all. You see, I love my family so much that I always want what is best for them, even though at times they don't even know what that is themselves. If my hubby gets up in the morning and drags his feet to get to work, I most certainly will lose that patience that I hardly have to booth him out the door so that he is not late for work, does that mean I don't love him? Nope. If I yell at my kids for not listening to me and neglecting their chores..does that mean I don't love them? Don't think so. Yes I know soft spoken words and patience go a long way but there are times when doing the opposite will be beneficial and effective to all concerned.

I totally agree and love how you define LOVE in your post..totally well written and I'd say that you did a great job with it.
To answer one of Sage's question...he said something about people in love seem to cry all the time..I think that crying mostly comes from insecurity which often brings up jealousy and then causing a person who claim to be in love to cry. Ok, that sounds sooo oximoronic but that's about the only thing I can come up why anyone would cry when they are in love..ahah.

You know what, I'm starting to babble and making a complete mess of my thoughts so I'll just cut it off here and go look for some nourishment. Great post btw.

Heidi Ashworth said...

I agree that what most people feel at the beginning of a relationship, esp. teenagers, is infatuation. There is an attraction, a meeting of chemicals that feels good, a need to be validated as viable partners to the opposite sex. I think the biggest wake up call for me during the course of my nearly 23 years of marriage is that marriage is a lot of work. You can't live on that infatuation forever. You have to have friendship (my husband and I were lucky to have that first, before the infatuation and it has served us very well)and respect and admiration and esteem and trust and all sorts of things for each other that come via hard work. When we have served a person and sacrificed for a person and put that other person first for a period of time, that is when the kind of love that is lasting comes into play. (Hey, I'm here! It's taken a while but I'm finally figuring out the best way for me to get arond to everyone once in a while.)

SciFi Dad said...

What is love? Something about "baby don't hurt me no more".

That, or giving up the last slice of bacon.

Homer and Queen said...

I still think my fat bald guy is HOT and he still does it for me so I must love him. And he would never ask me to give up the last piece of bacon so I know he loves me too.

Anonymous said...
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wendy said...

I love how you are able to share your opinon even though "nobody asked" (tee,hee)
good thoughts Shelle

Love is definetly a word that involves DOING. You can't just SPEAK of love and do NOTHING to ensure it.

Love is growth
Love is unconditional
it is so many things

perhaps, even giving you the squirts (tee,hee)

T said...

I had a great meaningful comment - but then saw Sage's (probably on purpose) version of the "fetal position" and about choked on my gum.

I've had friends ask why THIS guy was the one I chose - why this time "love" was love and not just the lust/like version... for me it had to do with not only how I felt about him, but how I felt about myself when I was with him. He made me want to be better - He made me see my own potential... that made the difference. I could never see myself growing old with anyone before - and even now I'm not sure I can, but I sure can't imagine growing old WITHOUT this guy - wouldn't want to :)

April said...

I had a good response, but Sage's "fecal position" comment had me laughing so hard I had to clean the water off my screen.

H.K. said...

For me the definition of love is being able to be who you are, the bad, the good, the ugly, and still loving that person with all their bad and good qualities.

Chief said...

Love is

and a bit sexy too... sometimes

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