Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Who I was in high school...

Who I was in High School. Inspired by THIS post and THIS post.

You know guys... I KNOW I'm different because I'm older and have matured and been through stuff that just makes you change and grow up but high school for me was three things: dance, SCHOOL (like actually study), and social.

*Hello Glamour shot! hahahahaha! OMGOSH gotta love High School*

That's it.

I KNEW a lot of people, was invited to a lot of parties, could kind of adapt to whatever group I felt like hanging out with... but like I commented on the other two blogs that inspired me, I was more two dimensional, black and white, good and bad.

I loved me in high school. I was a nice person. I just didn't KNOW a lot hadn't experienced enough. I knew a lot about dance, I was pretty BOOK smart, but as far as the WORLD goes... I didn't really know a whole bunch. And I'm glad.

My voice was those who influenced me the most. My parents. I believed what they believed, that includes religion. I repeated what I had been taught to know and repeat... that is just how it went.

After a few times of getting caught doing the wrong thing in middle school I learned that getting into "trouble" took to much time and effort. So I did what my parents said, thought what they told me to think, and lived my life the best way I could with my boundaries.

I loved almost every minute of it, high school was good to me.

I crushed on boys... a lot. I had 3 REALLY close friends in High School and we would jump from one group to another never really staying or hanging with the same group of people. I learned to love my Father in Heaven. I trusted WAY to easily and was burned a lot because of it. I made Dance my life.

I still get this when I see people from high school, "Oh Shelle right? You were in (Drill Team Name) right?" It defined me... and I loved it.

That was me.

That was who I was.

The thing that I wished was different was I wished I let people in more. Sure I made people feel that way, but I put on a front. I appeared ALWAYS happy, when in reality it was all a facade. I had normal emotions like everyone else, but I only allowed myself to show one emotion. My closest friends were the only ones that really KNEW me and I was okay with that.

I was happy to say that almost everyone I graduated with I hung out with at one time or another... I just LOVE people. And I'm still that way.

So although I liked who I was in high school, I would NEVER want to be her again though.

I think that changing and becoming a better person than who you were is a must. The worst kind of person is the one who is stuck back in high school and the "what could have been" mind frame.

I love who I am becoming. I love that there are more dimensions to me... some shallow and some deep... but there nonetheless. I think more now when I speak to people (still working on that though); I smile more, I laugh harder, but I also get mad, sad, and I cry; I am a mom and LOVE being a mom (one a completely natural birth. Labor use to be one of my greatest fears) even when I get frustrated with it; I take pictures and continue to work at being and one day becoming a Professional Photographer; I work at a job that I have to listen to a co-worker tell me about her life and WO-BE-HER everyday because she needs me to; I married my best friend and continue to get to know him and who he is changing into; I blog and meet interesting people everyday who let me share a part of my life with them-because I NEED it, I have traveled and learned about other cultures and walked through dirty cities and small towns; I've fought when I felt like I needed to, I've bitten my tongue when I would have rather not, I've been passionate about certain issues and made my voice heard or debated; I've experienced death of a close one and birth with the ones I loved; I've compromised; I have a deeper understanding of my religion and am thankful that I was blessed to have it in my life and the peace and perspective it gives me; I'm definitely more curvy (my kids fault); I exercise and watch what I eat, most of the time, but still splurge when I'm really happy or really sad; I like to scrapbook but don't have time; I like to write and would one day like to write a Romantic Comedy novel :); and I adapt better to change.

There is just A LOT more to me now (that wasn't MEANT to be a fat joke)... and I hope in 10 years when I'm blogging through my brain into a blue tooth that then types it onto my blog... I hope my list is longer and I hope that I am better because I've grown and changed and learned.

What about you guys? Who were YOU in high school?

P.S. Chief is the winner of the $10 Amazon Card, her comment is in the comment of the day if you want to link to her.


jess said...

I can totally relate to this.. sometimes I cringe when I think of things I did when I was in high school.. although I liked who I was... I know that I am a much better person now- on so many levels...

Barbaloot said...

I don't think you're gonna want my 'who I was in H.S.' post. I'm not sure much has changed yet...

The Wixom Zoo said...

I liked myself in highschool but only after the 9th grade. HS was good to me too. Good friends and good times. But, I have to agree, I wouldn't go back. I like who I am now and look forward to learning more about me and what I can do now. GOod post.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

I agree with Wixom. I liked this a lot also. This will require some pondering before I am ready to comment.

I do know that I am glad you are how you are now, and that is the Shelle I got to know and love.

SciFi Dad said...

I spent a lot of time trying to be someone I wasn't in high school. I was a social pariah... smart, funny looking, math club, band... need I go on? I tried so hard to "fit in" it was pathetic. I'm embarrassed by who I was then.

When I left high school, I decided to not be that person anymore. I already told that story on my blog.

Sher said...

Girl, your are Smokin' Hot!
You were like POPULAR. What's changed?

I'm pretty sure I was nerd, who didn't know it, when I was in HS.

I lived for choir, big surprise.
My sr. year I had 4 music classes, and dropped out of Calculus to be my music teacher's TA.


Sher said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kristina P. said...

I was very insecure in high school. I was really overweight and had moved to Provo right before my freshman year and we had a very small YM/YW program in our ward so I had no friends. High school was a hard time for me.

I've since blossomed into a smart alec.

Alyson (New England Living) said...

You were a cool chick! :) As for me, I was going through a lot of personal crap back when I was in high school. It was a really hard time for me. I was battling demons without any help. I seriously get the willies when I think back to high school. Awful time!

Chief said...

Holy Crap Batman! I never, EVER win anything! I am totally freaking out! and to think, farting in front of my boss would bring me such wealth!

I was not a normal High Schooller. I wanted to be grown up and on my own and was too busy figuring out how to get there to enjoy the time I had left to just be a kid

Amanda said...

I was always talking and I didn't think rules applied to me. Pretty much how I am now.

Southern Sage said...

LOOK aT YOU!!!!!!
Pimpin those daisy dukes!!
woot woot!
you go girl!!
love it!

Good post.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Hey Jess... I was just wondering about you! How are you guys doing?

Barb--you're definitely more traveled???

Wixom Zoo--Its a weird feeling... to like yourself, but never want to go back there! :)

NHC--awwwww thanks... I'm a little teary eyed. Seriously made my day!

SciFi Dad--I like who you are now... and I like how you voice your blog! Thanks.

Sher--You can't be as beautiful as you are and be a nerd... sorry, society doesn't work that way. Everyone was envious of your talent... I can guarantee that! :)

Kristina--I was a smart alec in High School as well as now... I was hoping to get better at NOT doing that...but you've made it cool, so I'm good.

K Alyson--that just sucks. You are WONDERFUL now! Love ya girl!

Chief--I KNOW YOU WON!!! Do the happy dance and put it on your blog! lol

I have never wanted to grow up... part of my problem I think.

Amanda--totally how you are now... but a more mature and experienced talker as well as not listening to rules--er

Sage--I always WANTED to wear daisy dukes!!! I thought mine were to long for those! I'm so bummed I didn't know I was sportin them back then... I would have totally worked it more! hehehe :)

April said...

Great post. Glad you have good memories and glad you are growing.....but not in size! I wish I could say that HS held some good memories for me....not so much.

H.K. said...

This was a great post! I've reconnected with some old friends from high school & it's been great. I haven't seen them in years.

I was the kind of person who anxiously couldn't wait to get out of high school. I was more interested in older guys, the friends I hung out with were older and I was too much in a rush to grow up. I wasn't interested in high school, I couldn't wait to go to college.

Now, I make sure that my son savors every moment in high school and I tell him not to rush into growing up. You're only a teenager once!

Just Jules said...

oh this was great. good reflections thanks - you were so dolly :)

Missty said...

Great post. I LOVED High school. Was very involved.

And as far as who I was... I was everything parents wanted, always good, believed what they did, never questioned anything, and as time has went on, that has changed. I have found my own way, not just off the hems of whatever I was told I believe. I am much happier.

great post.

Cherie said...

Dwelling on HS is something I do not like to do. You are a brave soul - ha ha.
I'm so glad you only have to do it once. I didn't have a bad experience but just being a teenager is hard.
BTW you are GORGEOUS!!!!

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