Friday, September 18, 2009

i can't give a 100% to everything.

So my mind has been everywhere! It doesn't seem to want to focus and I think it is because I'm stretching myself to thin...so to speak...

I'm still laughing everyday, my life is good and I'm happy, but I'm also tired, and maybe a little OVER giddy because I'm putting myself through some kind of psychotic training on how one can survive and be normal on little amounts of sleep.

I'm happy, but if I step back, I think those that I love most are suffering because I'm not 100% there. I'm maybe 50% there for them, on a bad day lower, on a good day higher...but it's not fair to them and its not good for me...at least I don't think so.

Its a balancing act that at one time I thought I was good at. Time for my real life, and real life responsibilities... and then time for my online life and making sure that I get around to see everyone and let them know that I do read them by commenting, because how else are you suppose to know?

I began blogging to make a life journal for friends and family of what was going on with us and our life, to stay connected.

Then I realized I could use it for an avenue of all the crazy things that I think about, laugh about, and want to spew about. It was great! I couldn't get enough... one post after another left my mind, through my fingertips, and out into the internet world.

Then I began to get my first comments from people I didn't know, validating how I felt, laughed at my stupid humor, and became, to me, close friends. I would email them, chat sometimes, and we would plan to meet each other because as they blogged about their lives I began to get to know them and love them. Meeting them has been such a special treat for me. You honestly feel like you are just getting back together with old friends, you have a bond, it's really indescribable unless you blog... it sounds funny when you try to explain it to people that don't blog, or hardly get on the internet for that matter, it sounds a little psycho to be honest... but it's real, it's people's inner thoughts connecting, connecting through personalities instead of body language and touch...there just isn't a word to call it or someone hasn't written a book to explain it or study it. There are relationships built... frienships, but through the internet, to someone who doesn't understand it, it doesn't seem real it seems fake.

And like real life there are those you connect more with then others for whatever reason.

I'm thinking about this out loud... because it is those people that I don't want to let down, because I am thinking about NOT doing my personal blog any longer.

It's just one to many things to handle on my plate at this time, for me, it is the last straw placed on the camels back before it breaks.

My family needs me to be there for them 100%, I can't seem to do it as well as the rest of you in balancing it. People have asked me how I do it all... quite frankly I DON'T. Something SOMEWHERE is lacking if I'm honest with myself...and like those Mom's that work out of the home like myself, we try to deny it, but it's true, you have to let something slide somewhere, sometime... because it's really impossible to give a 100% to it all, all the time. Sometimes it's my blogs, sometimes it's my work, and sometimes, I'm ashamed to say that it has been my family, and most importantly my husband.

So for now...it's this blog that I choose to let lay by the wayside. My love and interest of the human bond will keep me at Real World, I honestly love learning from everyone over there and am not quite ready to let that go and I don't have to write EVERYDAY, I get to read and listen as well. My random thoughts will be on Twitter or Facebook because it's the easiest and fastest way to get them out there and yet you still have the fun of people commenting back at you... And of course my photography blog... because it's my creative outlet.

I will still come around to visit you, but now there isn't the pressure of you feeling like you need to visit me, unless you want to... come over and join Real World Venus vs. Mars or my PlushMoments... because for a blog that is where I will be...other than that... laugh with me and make fun of me on the other two things... Twitter or Facebook :)

BTW--if you have followed me on twitter and I didn't follow you back, it's probably because I didn't recognize your Screen Name!!! So just email me and say, "HEY dork head! I followed you on twitter, this is my screen name @ipickmynose... so follow me back or ELSE!" I promise I will follow you! :)

And when it comes to FaceBook--if you don't want me to know your REAL name, then I can't let you know mine. Sorry, I don't have a BLOKTHOUGHTS facebook... it's my real name. So... sorry, but do you blame me?


I'm sorry... I'm not sure for what, but I am. I just can't do EVERYTHING even if I LOVE it and it makes me completely happy...

Love you all, email me at blokthoughts@gmail.com, chat with me when I'm on... I would love that... follow me somewhere else...my Yahoo Id (same thing applies to screen names on this one) is shelleblok add me if you'd like!

Love,

20 comments:

roy/elisabeth dean said...

I completely understand Shelle. I took my blog down for a couple of months because it was just getting overwhelming. I've just now started blogging sporadically again. That does not mean I am not disappointed that you won't be blogging here. I don't really seem to fit in on your other blog (Mars/Venus), so I never visit there.
You will be missed. And crap, I never won comment of the day either!
♥,Lilly

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Lilly you would be perfect over at the Real World venus mars blog! I'm not kidding. I was actually going to ask you to Guest Post on there. I will be emailing you.

I'm not done for EVER... just done right now.

So I'm not taking down my blog YET! I'm not that BRAVE!!!

Chief said...

Ah...kinda saw this coming. I will keep visiting you on Real World and I will Email you with my FB ID. YOu were the first one to ever link back to me (With the Peeing with a Hairy Man). I was so excited.

See you ~over there~

IWA (e - va) said...

Good on you! Take care of yourself and those adorable kids!...I'll miss your daily humor here but I'll still be following everywhere else!

Susan said...

I SOOOO hear you Shelle! As you know, I've been totally absent from blogworld... I miss my writing outlet, yet at the same time, real world has called out at this time and I really noticed how my husband and kids would comment for me to simply "Get OFF YOUR COMPUTER!"...

Cuddling with a 7 year old as they clutch on to you and look up at your eyes with a big smile is worth all the writing I haven't been able to keep up with.

And life is always there to write about...just call it a hiatus for as ever long as you need. Everyone will always still be around checking in on you... that's what I found out and it feels really good to know it.

Kristina P. said...

I will miss you! I don't ever read Real World, but I need to start.

J. P. said...

ok, so I don't feel so bad thinking "saw this one coming" now that I see other people had the same thought. I hope you'll be able to find the balance you are looking for. --Lisa (COTCH)

Barbaloot said...

Mmkay-now I'm gonna have to find you on facebook cuz your sporadic appearances on Realworld aren't all I need from you:)

Please tell me you're not deleting this blog...just taking a break from it?

Good luck finding the time you need for everything. If you figure it all out, let me know. Please!

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

I totally get this, and hi-five for knowing when to say when. Way to go. I look forward to more lunches in the future. :)

Emily Anne Leyland ( Art-n-Sewl) said...

I totally KNOW! Good for you chicca!! Keep in touch though. Your comments make me smile!!
P.S. Did the painting ever get there?
If so, does your sis like it?
Love ya girl

Em

Cherie said...

I think alot of people start feeling pressure when their blog gets a little....larger.
I totally can understand. Don't be a slave to the blog - Your family is definately the most important thing. Hope you post once every 3 months or something - You are still on the google reader so those who follow you will know - unless you delete....NO DON"T DELETE!!

Have a GREAT weekend - You'll be missed!

April said...

Do NOT delete this blog! Just keep it here so I can come and look at Kiva Microfinance...k?

Youngblood4ever said...

Good for you, deciding what you need to do. I am sad you aren't going to be here, but keep it up...for whenever you decide to come back. OH, and I am super happy that you are still doing V&M!

Malea said...

Being a daily blogger is a big responsibility, but I think you see that everyone understands. Your life has got to move on. I'm not a daily blogger, never will be. And I still get overwhelmed with the amount of online network contact I feel I have to keep up with. I facbook and blog, that's it. I once had a blog post that stated something to the effect of "Insert witty and/or inspirational post here". Blog to please yourself, that's what matters:)

Shawn said...

I can't imagine how people write everyday and still maintain their lives----but I will miss your blog!!

I would love to Facebook you----e-mail me your name on there, if you want----I don't Twitter, but would love to keep in touch!

swaneesinger(at)gmail(dot)com

Devri said...

Oh I hear you, it gets overwhelming. I use to post and comment all the time but I have stopped so much.. I will still see you on twitter, I am devri naulu on facebook.. take care woman!

SciFi Dad said...

I understand what you're saying, and fully support any decision that makes you feel better. I hope this works out the way you want.

Scary Mommy said...

Glad to hear you won't be shutting down! I get tempted too, sometimes, but could never really leave either. :)

abangxxx said...

abangxxx said:
It is a free world anyway. However, it pays to prioritize!Try sitting up and savor the moment when the whole house is asleep, it least for one night. You'll be thankful for everything. I can be reached at:
abangxxx-daroblog.blogspot.com/

H.K. said...

I was wondering why I haven't heard from you & realized you were not on my blog list for some reason!

Anyway, totally understand this post. I call it the "honeymoon blog" phase and reality sets in. That is why I have cut back to posting once a week. It's more fun, it gives me a week to think about what I want to write and it doesn't feel like a JOB.

I read the above post and I'm glad to hear you're not deleting your blog, just blog when you feel like it.

I'll email you my real name if you feel like adding me to Facebook.

Here you Go SciFi Dad

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