i can't give a 100% to everything.

So my mind has been everywhere! It doesn't seem to want to focus and I think it is because I'm stretching myself to thin...so to speak...

I'm still laughing everyday, my life is good and I'm happy, but I'm also tired, and maybe a little OVER giddy because I'm putting myself through some kind of psychotic training on how one can survive and be normal on little amounts of sleep.

I'm happy, but if I step back, I think those that I love most are suffering because I'm not 100% there. I'm maybe 50% there for them, on a bad day lower, on a good day higher...but it's not fair to them and its not good for me...at least I don't think so.

Its a balancing act that at one time I thought I was good at. Time for my real life, and real life responsibilities... and then time for my online life and making sure that I get around to see everyone and let them know that I do read them by commenting, because how else are you suppose to know?

I began blogging to make a life journal for friends and family of what was going on with us and our life, to stay connected.

Then I realized I could use it for an avenue of all the crazy things that I think about, laugh about, and want to spew about. It was great! I couldn't get enough... one post after another left my mind, through my fingertips, and out into the internet world.

Then I began to get my first comments from people I didn't know, validating how I felt, laughed at my stupid humor, and became, to me, close friends. I would email them, chat sometimes, and we would plan to meet each other because as they blogged about their lives I began to get to know them and love them. Meeting them has been such a special treat for me. You honestly feel like you are just getting back together with old friends, you have a bond, it's really indescribable unless you blog... it sounds funny when you try to explain it to people that don't blog, or hardly get on the internet for that matter, it sounds a little psycho to be honest... but it's real, it's people's inner thoughts connecting, connecting through personalities instead of body language and touch...there just isn't a word to call it or someone hasn't written a book to explain it or study it. There are relationships built... frienships, but through the internet, to someone who doesn't understand it, it doesn't seem real it seems fake.

And like real life there are those you connect more with then others for whatever reason.

I'm thinking about this out loud... because it is those people that I don't want to let down, because I am thinking about NOT doing my personal blog any longer.

It's just one to many things to handle on my plate at this time, for me, it is the last straw placed on the camels back before it breaks.

My family needs me to be there for them 100%, I can't seem to do it as well as the rest of you in balancing it. People have asked me how I do it all... quite frankly I DON'T. Something SOMEWHERE is lacking if I'm honest with myself...and like those Mom's that work out of the home like myself, we try to deny it, but it's true, you have to let something slide somewhere, sometime... because it's really impossible to give a 100% to it all, all the time. Sometimes it's my blogs, sometimes it's my work, and sometimes, I'm ashamed to say that it has been my family, and most importantly my husband.

So for now...it's this blog that I choose to let lay by the wayside. My love and interest of the human bond will keep me at Real World, I honestly love learning from everyone over there and am not quite ready to let that go and I don't have to write EVERYDAY, I get to read and listen as well. My random thoughts will be on Twitter or Facebook because it's the easiest and fastest way to get them out there and yet you still have the fun of people commenting back at you... And of course my photography blog... because it's my creative outlet.

I will still come around to visit you, but now there isn't the pressure of you feeling like you need to visit me, unless you want to... come over and join Real World Venus vs. Mars or my PlushMoments... because for a blog that is where I will be...other than that... laugh with me and make fun of me on the other two things... Twitter or Facebook :)

BTW--if you have followed me on twitter and I didn't follow you back, it's probably because I didn't recognize your Screen Name!!! So just email me and say, "HEY dork head! I followed you on twitter, this is my screen name @ipickmynose... so follow me back or ELSE!" I promise I will follow you! :)

And when it comes to FaceBook--if you don't want me to know your REAL name, then I can't let you know mine. Sorry, I don't have a BLOKTHOUGHTS facebook... it's my real name. So... sorry, but do you blame me?

I'm sorry... I'm not sure for what, but I am. I just can't do EVERYTHING even if I LOVE it and it makes me completely happy...

Love you all, email me at blokthoughts@gmail.com, chat with me when I'm on... I would love that... follow me somewhere else...my Yahoo Id (same thing applies to screen names on this one) is shelleblok add me if you'd like!

Love,