Friday, March 28, 2008

Why? I just don't get it...really I don't...

March 28, 2008
I went to an "8 Cow Women" activity last night. (If you need for me to explain the activity email me at blokthoughts@gmail.com, but it's not important to this particular thought and I have a tendency to over indulge in stories which would make this long story EXTRA long and I would hate to do THAT...okay I wouldn't, but I'm thinking of you okay!) I had some friends there...I know BIG surprise..and we got to talking about something that has always boggled my mind. Probably because it's just not in my nature or character to think this way and because I have never personally seen it at work. What we talked about was being "bullied" or "picked on". I don't see why it exist or why somebody would waste their time on it...or get a thrill from it? It's so foreign to me? Plus, why do it when you are suppose to be an adult or at least trying to act like an adult...do you understand what I mean? WHY? Seriously, I don't get it? I can count myself lucky I guess because I don't ever remember being bullied or picked on unless it was by someone I knew loved me...and then it wasn't really being picked on as much as it was a joke. Don't get me wrong, I had my share of the normal teasing kids get while growing up...believe me...I have the freckles to prove it! But nothing was ever said that, to me, was so vicious that I couldn't get over it or dismiss it because it was usually said by someone that I didn't particularly care about their opinion. But I can honestly say that I didn't have someone picking on me or bullying me EVERYDAY...I'm not asking for a pat on the back...its just a fact.


One of my friends while going to a specialty school after high school was a target for a few girls that was in the same class as her. They did horrible things to her and said horrible things about her. You would be appalled if you knew who this friend was. She is amazing! She's beautiful inside and out, she's incredibly smart, and always seems to be thinking of others. I don't know of very many people that DON'T like her, in fact she was the student body president her senior year at her high school! To say the least she was pretty popular! I asked her why they targeted her? She said it was because they didn't like cheerleaders? huh? I would have asked them if they knew how to spell I-D-I-O-T-I-C? I mean are they SERIOUS??? That's ridiculous. I started laughing because I knew then that she had to be telling a joke...nobody would cause someone grief EVERYDAY because they were a cheerleader in high school? Would they? She in fact wasn't joking...that was their reason for doing mean things such as boxing her car in with their cars so that she couldn't go home...keep in mind these girls were not even in high school anymore...they were supposedly college age? And on top of that...my friend was NEVER a cheerleader in high school! I thought that stuff just happened in Hollywood...I thought they overexaggerated the movie "MEAN GIRLS", but in this case she had her own personal experience with it! It made me so mad. It also made me think about Sam.

I had to break up this somewhat serious and depressing subject with an attempt from PeePs to give me her best mean face!!! It's totally appropiate...goes with topic at hand and gives you an "ahh cute" moment!

now ready to continue...

I worked as an administrative assistant for a certified institute. At this job I met a woman we will call Laura. She was quiet and rarely talked to anyone, but she was one of the best students at the institute, she had never missed class even though she was a single Mom and worked on top of going to school...so we were worried about her when she hadn't been to school for a week... well I was worried about her. Through the 1st semester of classes I had noticed that she didn't have many friends and so I decided that I would try to see if I could budge her wall she had set up around herself. If you know me you'll understand I thrive on challenges such as these. I really do LOVE to get to know people...I'm not just saying that, I really do...I really, really do... especially ones that people feel either intimidated by or think are to different to get to know...I love to see if I can connect somehow with them and become their friend...Most of the time I find people become mean out of fear of being rejected or seem shut off because they are really just extremely shy...they want to talk to everyone, but they just can't seem to physically. Back to the story...after a few "Hi's" and "How was your weekend" and "I totally understand, my kid does that too", I started to get to know Laura. She was just shy...and was one of the most interesting people I had ever met. She was strong...that much I got from her just by her life situation! She had a son named Sam. Sam was her light, was the reason she wanted to better herself to provide a better life for him. Laura loved Sam so much and that was what our conversations usually were focused on.

After a few days of being absent, I took it upon myself to call Laura's home to see if everything was okay. No answer. I left a few messages, but never heard back from her. I was worried, but it wasn't like we were best friends and I didn't want her to think I was stalking her, or that the school was overstepping their boundries, so I decided to wait it out.

That Monday she came in, late, through the front door. As she was walking by the front desk to get to class I stopped her and said, "Laura! Oh I am so happy to see you...I left messages to make sure you were okay and to see if I you needed to have me send your homework to you but I didn't get an answer." (So the homework thing was a quick spurt of genius, since technically I was allowed to do that...even though at the time that is not why I was calling her...why didn't I think of doing that sooner you ask? School policy was you were suppose to wait for a two week absence and then call and then send papers...in that order.)

Laura just started crying, broke down right in front of me. Sobbing, like she hadn't cried in years and was making up for it. I am a sympathetic cryer. I start crying or my eyes start watering when someone around me is crying..it is a curse I have had since I was young. I gave her a minute to just cry, mostly because I couldn't speak over the lump in my throat that had instantly formed when I saw the tears pouring down her face. "Laura, what happened?"

"I'm sorry I missed class, first of all, I have had a tough week" she got out between heaving breaths. Then she started to explain what was wrong, "Sam has been getting bullied at school all year. It has torn me apart. I don't know why the have targeted him. It started off by them taking his bike and hiding it or making the tire flat, or taking the chain off so he couldn't ride home. So I started taking him to school. Then they would taunt him, call him names, embarrass him in front of other kids. Then they physically started pushing him and doing other things to him. At first I told him just to try to ignore them and they would get bored with him, but that was before they started physically bullying him and he came home with some red marks on him and so I have talked to his teacher numerous times and finally had to go to the principal involved. I have written letters to the other boys parents, but nothing! It just kept getting worse. I started feeling responsible for it! The teacher or principal would tell me that they would keep a watch out, but if they didn't see it themselves there wasn't much they could do besides the normal discipline, they were even expelled for a few days. A few days would go by and they wouldn't bug Sam, but then it would start up again. I finally just decided I had to take drastic measures and we moved a couple of weeks ago. Sam has been in a new school for a couple of weeks and everything has seemed good, and I felt like I had made a good decision by moving. (Laura confirmed that she usually wouldn't run away from problems since she knows that sends a bad message to Sam, but she felt like she didn't have any other choice, she couldn't see Sam hurt anymore. ) Well" she said, "this past week Sams teacher said that she noticed some boys giving Sam a hard time and she had stopped it, but she wanted to let me know," she began crying again, "I asked Sam about it and he said that 'Yes' he had some boys teasing and taunting him again'. Sam hates school...I want to take him out of school and home school him, but I also need to provide for him."

We had a long discussion about it. A few weeks later I had to quit my job, but I can honestly say it put fear in my heart because DCar was only 2 years old and I was scared for him to enter into that kind of world. I kept asking myself...what makes a kid a target for bullies? Why did Sam get teased? Why him as a target? There had to be some kind of sign that only kid bullies saw...that was the only thing I could think of that would make him a target at two different schools...you know...a flashing strobe light targeting him as good bullying material, because I just don't get it...I really don't. I do remember learning about it in college in one of my classes, but at the time it was material to me...that's all...something I had to memorize to pass a test to get a good grade so that I could graduate and begin REAL LIFE, (oh how I wish I had soaked up more information now...because I'm sure I would have learned something to ease my mind!)

Help me out. Maybe you can ease my mind...maybe you can tell me of your experience...maybe you can tell me why one person is chosen over another...maybe you can help me and others who don't get it like me, understand what to do in case one of our children ever have to face it. I want to be prepared...because I am feeling sick about it to be completely honest! I did have someone tell me once that that was the reason they decided to home school their kids, but really, if someone has no other choice than to have their kids go to public school than what do THEY do? What is their solution? And what about when your child, after being home schooled, is bullied at work or something like that...WHAT IS THE SOLUTION? Is there a solution?

Please share your intelligent thoughts with me...I can honestly say that I don't know because I have never experienced that kind of hate and punishment from someone else, I have been teased, but not bullied...I know that I was blessed in that respect, but my personality screams for knowledge. So please share your thoughts and opinions! Lots of Love, Shelle

4 comments:

Erika Tebbs said...

Rachelle- Your cute! I too wonder what makes people feel the need to be mean to others. It is something that I will never understand and have a very hard time tolerate. This particular individual mentioned in your story made it her job to be obnoxious and treat several people this way. Why other choose to follow one persons ugliness in behavior I will never understand. What all of a sudden makes someone a target?

Lindsay said...

I so don't have intelligent thoghts about this. It is a big concern to me too. Honestly, I teach Khi never to hit, but if he gets hit -- then hit that kid back until he can't get up. Teach control AND self-defense...and I hope that works.

Shelle said...

Lindsay...self defense is probably best...very good suggestion...raising kids is so scary!

Shelle said...

Ugliness...that is a perfect way to describe being a bully!

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