Monday, February 7, 2011

I think my kids made me prettier

We moved our storage unit stuff into the garage. It saves us a hundred bucks.

I went through things we haven't needed for four years and just gave them away, made it so we could get rid of our storage--okay my husband did a lot of it, but still, it was done.

One of the things we found when we were going through the totes is an old video camera. It is one of those cameras that shot with a small tape, the kind that fit into a VHS tape and then that is how you watched what you recorded was by sticking it in the VHS player.

Anyway...we still had in the case the VHS tape holder and a bunch of tapes. We stuck one in entitled, "The birth of Peeps".

OMGOsh you guys, nostalgia washed over me as I watched the miracle of having my second child, along with hours after when my three year old boy (now 8) came in to see his little sister for the first time.

Adorable doesn't even describe it. Beautiful? Incredible? Goose Bumps kind of moment still doesn't put into words what I was feeling watching that old video. The minute my little boy said, "I'm a brudder" as his big blue eyes looked up at his dad, I could have died right then and been happy.

But, on the opposite side of that, I didn't look so hot. Sure I had just had a baby. But I looked...well, like me, but a more still-trying-to-find-myself me. Ya know? It was weird.

The next tape was the first two years of my marriage. Moments and times spent with family on campouts and vacations. I was so NOT ME. Does that make sense? I watched and felt like I was watching someone else... but knowing it was me. (Don't get me wrong, I felt I looked okay back then living in the moment--) I felt more like I was watching myself still trying to discover myself. Young for sure, but not young and totally gorgeous like a lot of young girls are now... no, I was young and cute but, homely? My husband liked me without makeup, so I'm sure I was convinced that natural beauty was the way to go for me... ha! Or I was just lazy. Or I was camping so there was no need for makeup... thank goodness I learned the importance of makeup and how it can enhance features--but also things such as washing my face and taking pride in what I dressed myself in.

Not that I didn't before.

Crap. This is getting hard to explain.

I look at myself now, and videos, and just things and I feel that I have filled in all the missing parts? Does that make any sense.

I feel more beautiful.

I believe my kids made me prettier. After having my kids I feel more like myself. More understanding of taking care of a person, which includes myself. Deciding that being a good example to them was key to helping them become better people MADE me look at myself and take better care of myself... working out, eating right, continuing to learn, discovering new talents and helping them grow, not giving up when I want to, committing more to who I am spiritually so they have someone to anchor themselves to. All these things adding up to a better me which shows in all of me, physically, mentally, spiritually.

It's crazy.

And hard to explain.

But I just feel now, more me. It may be age and maturity or just that I'm actually finding or have discovered that I have found myself.

I feel prettier. And maybe on a good and very bold day, I'd venture to say sexy.

Okay so now what do you have to add? Do you agree with me? Or think I'm blowing steam out of my nose holes?



Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Let's not confuse this with me thinking I'm all that... because believe me... I don't.

SciFi Dad said...

I can't say for reality (since I have not seen you at either time), but I can say that the more recent photo of you is more flattering than the older ones you posted.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Thanks SciFi!!! i didn't have photoshop back them, should disclaimer that... but I don't think it would have made a difference.

J/k. :) Kinda.

mother goose said...

i have an entire long spiel, but here is the gist! You have come into yourself and only through life experiences have you found what you can truly become. Think of yourself as a beautiful rose bud opening to full rays of sunshine into a beautiful full rose, ummm... but don't go any further, because we all know what happens to that rose once it does open, .... (just thrown in there to keep you humble, LOL, or rather to pace yourself. I'm pacing. I want to live a long to enjoy more rays that each day the future brings.

T said...

Hallelujah for that kind of positive thinking (which happens to be true)

What a horrible depression we'd all spiral down into if we all thought we had already been our prettiest, and were now just waiting for all the pieces to sag, bloat, or fall off...

Amanda said...

I can totally relate to your feelings in this post! I, too, have been going through a lot of pictures and videos. I am trying to downsize because it is more practical with a big overseas move coming up. Anyway, I thought the same thing about being a completely different person. I still think I was way prettier back then, but I like myself way more. I think having kids is a crucial part of individual progression. We become more of what we are trying to be in the eternal prospective. I'm having a hard time articulating my feelings too! Hopefully this doesn't piss anyone off.

Garden of Egan said...

Nope, no steam out of the nose holes.
You truly are more beautiful and I think you hit it right now.
Moherhood has made you more beautiful.

I think you were always pretty though. I love the pictures.

But're stunning!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Mg- I love that comparison of the rose buds, mostly because I love roses, but because I agree also with pacing ourselves, enough to enjoy who we are today, not who we might or want to become all the time!

T- so true, I'm glad we can look forward to being pretty in all aspects and not going downhill after what most consider our prime! Ya know? My hubs even said, "you were hot then, but you are way hotter to me now," so at least he validates what I'm feeling :)

Amanda-i think you hit it right on when you said, "but I like myself way more" that's it! I just like myself better! Which is HUGE for me! I'm so excited for you guys and your new overseas adventure!!!

Goe-! You know how to make a girl feel good. Hope your injuries from the weekend are feeling slightly better. :)

Cherie said...

I totally get this! I think each decade you hit a new level in your life and it reflects on your outside person (does that make sense - crap this is a hard topic to explain - lol). I just get it!
You are gorgeous!

Aleisha said...

I really do understand EXACTLY what you are saying.I would never want to go back to being younger. I think maybe for me, it has something to do with me getting married so young. I loved this post... totally got it!!!

ModernMom said...

I so agree and completely relate. There is something about having kids that forces you to decide what you really want out of life. For those babies, for yourself! Lovely post:)

H.K. said...

I totally get what you're talking about! I was skinnier and a lot more healthier when I first married my husband, but I feel more comfortable in my skin now at 40 than when I was 20 years old. I also did less makeup back then and had thicker eyebrows, I wanted to be more natural looking!

Que said...

Eh... you look ok. :)

Gwyn Nichols said...

Loved this! Let's make it a rule: Kids Make Their Mothers Prettier! (At least young children believe their mothers are beautiful!)

There are obvious exceptions in every mother's life (probably every day), and some mothers never choose to take this on, but here's what I notice about so many a young mom:

There's a glow that begins in early pregnancy, there's love shining from her eyes, and once she finds her most flattering clothes and wash-and-wear hairstyle, she's gorgeous.

Momma Sunshine said...

I am 36 years old and feel like I'm way more attractive now than I was 10 or 15 years ago. I think it has something to do with wisdom and gained confidence, which kids are certainly a part of, yes.

But I sure as hell don't give them ALL the credit. heh.

Sarah said...

100% agree and feel the same way. And Momma Sunshine is right.

Also, styles were different 5 and 10 years ago. That has to be part of it too. But mostly I tend to agree with the "figuring out who I am and what my style is over time" way of thinking.

Cydney said...

I totally get this! I feel so comfortable and at home in my sexy skin these days. Thank you for articulating this so eloquently. :)

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Papa K said...

I understand completely what you're saying.

I look at pictures of myself back when Bunny and I got married and I look like someone just scraped me up off the highway. Wait.... I still look like that... just fatter.

Anyway... I think all of tend to look at older pictures of ourselves and go, "man... I was such a dork!"

Kimi said...

I totally agree and it's weird because we watched old home movies last night and everytime I came on I cringed at my hair or my clothes or my utter lack of knowing who the hell I was. Nice to figure things out. I think knowing who you really are makes you more beautiful and our kids definitely can help us figure that out.

wendy said...

how fun that you found that old home video. I keep telling my kids TAKE LOTS OF FAMILY VIDEOS (they all have cameras)
very important to be able to look back
when we celebrated Matt's birthday Jan 30th, Rena (his wife) brought over a couple of videos for us to watch. I was overcome with JOY watching this son of mine who is now gone. His kids loved watching them with him!!!!!!!!
never underestimate the purpose behind the home videos.

and YES, I get what you say about feeling more beautiful, more YOU.Hey I am almost 60 and I think I am "sorta" almost there.
confidence brings beauty
sacrifice for our children and spouse gives us fulfillment
KNOWING more about ourselves is empowering (sheeesh, I sound like Oprah)
anyway, your a mighty purty lady

CityMom2 said...

Great Post. It is so FUN to look at those old videos. But true beauty comes from inside us humans.
Hopefully the longer we are here, the chances we have to love and give and contribute to life.

That's why you look better to yourself now. IMHO

According to Ana said...

I really liked this post. It's been a while since I have commented but, I completely understand what you are saying. the things our kids do to our bodies is not all bad.

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