Friday, October 23, 2009

I hate PUBLIC RESTROOMS!!!

I got this in an email... it fits PERFECTLY with my other bathroom stories on this blog, and it has been awhile since I have shared one of my own... believe me, this has SOOOOOO been me!

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place.

Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.


Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.

You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants!

The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty .

You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one , but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, ( Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR! ), yank down your pants, and assume " The Stance."


In this position your aging, toneless (God I should have gone to the gym!!!) thigh muscles begin to shake.

You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance".


To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more.

You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse . (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That will have to do. You crumple it in thepuffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail.

Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work.

The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest , and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet.

"Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny , crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT .

It is wet of course.

You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late . Yourbare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.

You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom nevertouched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear

"You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get".


By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes.

The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too

At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat.

You're e-x-h-a-u-s-t-e-d.

You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.


You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, .....so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.


You are no longer able to smile politely to them.

A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from yo ur shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly,"Here, you just might need this".


As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom.

Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?" .................


This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse,and hand you Kleenex under the door!

Send this to all women that understand what bonding in the bathroom is all about!


A Friend Is Like A Good Bra...
Hard to Find...
Supportive....
Comfortable ...

Always Lifts You Up...

Never Lets You Down, or Leaves You Hanging,
And Is Always Close To Your Heart!!!


And people wonder WHY I hate public restrooms. I could have written this I've BEEN there DONE that!!!

Have a good weekend everyone! I'm going to try and make it to your blogs this weekend! Miss you all!

And BRIAN is writing how Body Image has effected him in life and marriage over at Real World... it's a great story!

11 comments:

Trooper Thorn said...

Why do you take your purse to the bathroom with you? Is there stuff to buy in the Ladies?

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

There isn't anyone else to hold it!!! LOL... you're a butt!

Chief said...

somehow this post makes me think of the peeing with a hairy man post I did...I wonder what was on those seats?

Cherie said...

LOL We have all had that experience. Recently my friend lost her blackberry in and Applebees this way!! Yep she flushed it and called it good :D

Malea said...

Every imaginable OCD that I have clung on to originated with the use of public restrooms.

Mullenaux Family said...

I just had to say you look sooo young. Your profile picture is so cute and you just look so young. Lucky!!

Kritta22 said...

Costco is the worst for this!!

Why are they out of toliet paper??

T said...

you always tell the best potty stories :)

I actually had to tell one of yours last week because something SO similar happened to my niece when a poor boy came to visit her apartment and flooded her bathroom with nasty... don't worry - I used a pseudonym for you :)

April said...

She forgot about pulling her pants up so the pant cuffs won't touch the floor too. I do that. Oh yes I do!

Terresa said...

I never in all my life realized my 2 brothers never used the public restrooms at our high school until they confessed this years after graduating. Phobias for public restrooms I can totally understand. As do my brothers.

SciFi Dad said...

That's why we all go pee before we go out.

Here you Go SciFi Dad