Friday, January 11, 2013

Wow... it's been a long time since the last time I posted.  Everything on Blogger is different and I hope this post even goes out!

I haven't been posting on this blog because I've been dealing with life and I took a very long break.  But I have a post in my heart and I feel like I'm probably not the only one that goes through this.  So I have decided to write it down and maybe it will reach someone out there.

I'm going to talk about weight.  Doesn't seem like it should be a relationship issue... but I think it is.  I have probably done EVERY diet in the book, what a cliche right?  How many times have you heard that exact line when someone writes about a weight loss success story?  Well this isn't that kind of post, at least not yet. I have yet to lose any weight, it seems like every time I try to lose weight I am successful a little bit, but then I'm right back where I started.  I have a major food addiction I think.  I'm not overly obese, but I LOVE food.  I eat when I'm happy, when I'm sad or depressed, when I'm excited or bored.  I eat and I love tasty food.  Do I necessarily always feel good after I eat certain things?  No.  I sometimes feel horrible and sick and bloated and yucky.  Sometimes I feel happier, but it doesn't last for long.  Just like a drug addiction, I wait for the next short fix.

Having my belly issue affects my marriage because it affects my sex life.  We aren't remiss of sex, it's just that I don't always feel comfortable or sexy, and I hate that.  It's more intimate when I can let go and just enjoy the experience... but the minute I feel the jiggle or look down at the extra weight, I zone out and I don't connect with my husband like I should.  It's sad, and I know I have a few choices, do something about it, or change my way of thinking.

Maybe though, those things go hand in hand.  Maybe I need to do something about it AND change the way I think about myself?  The only thing is,  I'm scared.  I've failed SO many times that I'm afraid to let myself down again.  I have to make that lifestyle change not only for myself but for my relationship.

My husband loves me, he always tells me how beautiful he thinks I am, but inside my mind it is so ugly that I can't help the depression that comes over me when I see the numbers on the scale or the reflection that stares back at me in the mirror and it frustrates my husband.  He doesn't like that I feel that way about myself and he doesn't know what to do about it.  He tells me he doesn't understand how I can see something so different than what he sees, yet I do.  And it affects how I am behind closed doors which affects him.

I am lucky that I have the relationship that I have, but my weight does make a difference and I WANT to be a success.

So here is my accountability.  I am going on the Fat to Fit journey.  I am going to do the meal plans, continue with my exercise, take the pictures, take the measurements, and do it.  Day by day.  Inch by inch.  This isn't a new year's resolution.  It has to be a saving grace, it has to be a lifetime resolution.


I'm seeking any critique's, words of encouragement, kicks in the butt, or just thoughts. Am I alone in this?  Does anybody constantly constantly fail because they can't seem to hurdle over there own fears?

That is, if anybody even reads this blog anymore!


7 comments:

J DeGraffenried said...

Don't eat after 7pm, drink a glass of water before each meal, and at night drink honey and cinnamon in hot water and drink it in the morning half an hour before breakfast! Good luck!

H.K. said...

I see your professional pics on FB, but it's good to see you back to blogging! I'm on the same journey w/you. I've never had a weight problem until I was in my late 30s. I've lost some and then gained some. This time I'm at my heaviest so you might say I'm really good at losing, but not great at maintaining.

My goal is to not let life's curve balls get in the way of me staying on the path of being healthy.

I start Weight Watchers on Monday, Bikram Yoga (I find that yoga helps me appreciate my body) and training for my first 5k in April with a friend.

I do know that it helps to journal or blog about it. It helped to recognize what my eating patterns were or triggers.

Anyway, I hope you blog again- feel free to email me to if you just want to "talk".

Good luck!

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3GKnight said...

Whoa! Blokthoughts survived my annual 'thinning of the blog list' and see what happens! I'm sure you don't need any fitness advice so I'll just say good luck and hope you find that happy medium. Just remember, real guys enjoy real girls. Glad to hear from you!

Angie's Spot said...

I feel like I could've written this blog post. I have struggled with weight issues for many years and it affects my relationship much like you described. I wish you success and will be reading any updates that you post about your journey! I could use some inspiration to kickstart my own journey!

~DokterKenny said...

get over it Shelle. You have great hair, a gorgeous face, a sweet personality, and your body is perfectly fine.I can guarandamntee your hubby is thinking about how awesome your vajayjay feels and not how jiggly your stomach is in bed. The biggest sex organ in the body isn't between your legs it's between your ears. Have sex more and you'll want sex more. You don't have to be content with your body necessarily if you have a goal, but keep in mind perfection is an illusion. Your husband will be turned on 1000x's more by your confidence in the bedroom, the willingness to try new things, and the fact that you love him more than he ever will by a perfect body. I have been with women with perfect bodies and by FAR they were not the best lovers.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

U guys are the best!!! And I'm so happy people still stop by after all this time. I will definitely take the advice given... It was all great advice, definitely gave me a lot to think about. Thanks.

Here you Go SciFi Dad