Thursday, January 29, 2009

Part 2-The moral of the story is...always pay up on your debts!!!

I'm going to continue the story...even though I should have stopped where I stopped.

Oh and sorry I didn't give you a HUGE warning about how disgusting it was...but have ANY of my bathroom stories been all that clean or sweet or even somewhat digestable?

Sorry.

If you need to catch up, part 1 is below this post.

So I KNEW in the back of my mind that I needed to yell for help.

But I didn't. I just sat there, on the top of the counter, with my knees up to my chest and my chin on my knees and looked on in shock.

The water evenutally stopped coming down, and there was a nice puddle of greenish-brownish...(Well, use your imagination).. around the toilet, but that is about it...

While I was sitting there, contemplating suicide or at least a quiet escape, there came a soft knock...

knock, knock, FREAKIN' knock.

I stiffened, froze, HORROR struck...I thought, "If I don't move, don't say a word, maybe they will go away, maybe...just maybe...a HOLE will open up in this sink and swallow me...OH PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE bless that a hole will swallow me...PLEASE, I won't ask for another thing in my LIFE...Just PLEASE get me out of this!!!"

But...this was to be a lesson to me...what lesson? I still have no idea!

"Uh, Shelle, is everything all right? I think I heard the toilet clog...do you need some help? You flushed it a second time so it probably flooded huh? It's my fault, I should have warned you that if it didn't flush to just to leave it for about 15 minutes and then it will flush down...I'm sorry..."

CONNOR!

"Connor?"

"Yea, do you want to unlock this so I can see the damage?"

I started crying, and not pretty crying where it slowly rolls down my cheeks and my wide blue eyes glisten in the light...

No, nothing like that...

But SOBBING...UNCONTROLLABLE...UGLY crying.

"Shelle?" he laughs, "don't cry...it's really not a big deal. It happens all the time. Just unlock the door and I'll give you a hand with it."

He LAUGHED at me...if I had dared to let myself out of that bathroom I would have thrown my skinny body-chicken legged self at him and clawed his eyes out..."Are you out of your MIND!!!" I yelled, or something similar to that statement, "there is no WAY I am letting you in here to see this mess...it STINKS, and I'm totally EMBARRASSED already...so FORGET it! Just tell me where the cleaning stuff is and I'll take care of it!....please"

Then nothing...it's like Connor abandoned me.

"Connor?"

Still nothing. CRAP! Was he going to get a spare key to open the door? Was he going to get his Mom? CRAP! Where was he? What was he doing?

I was hiccuping at this point...my eyes were red and swollen, and my fair Irish freckled skin was blotchy...the only thing I had going for me was that I had worn water-proof mascara!

I think I sat there for a good 10 minutes while my FECAL matter sat puddled around the toilet, (linoleum floors...so that was good) and the water was slowly receding inside the toilet bowl.

And then, like after any GOOD cry, my brain started to function again. And I thought it was time to look for cleaning supplies...but before I could HOP down off the counter, Connor came back and started playing with the lock and in 3.2 seconds the guy had the door opened and was smiling at me!

I jumped down from the counter...feet splashing in the puddle, because it would have been to SMART of me to jump even 2 inches forward so that I didn't hit the fecal matter puddle..."AAAAACCCCKKKK! CONNOR! Get out!"

And then he just laughed! Like a gut wrenching laugh! And turned around to grab some supplies he had brought with him to clean up. "Please Connor...let me clean this up...please leave...your KILLING me here!"

And as if I hadn't said anything at all...he just began to clean it up. I, of course, helped him, humiliated and grossed out.

It didn't take long...and the toilet flushed...THE TRAITOR...as soon as Connor began cleaning, so all became well again.

Until Connor got up from cleaning the last of the puddle. He just smiled at me and said, "You do stink!" scrunched his nose, then went out in the hall and grabbed a pair of sweat pants and continued, "so put these on, give me your pants, and I'll wash them with these rags. And NO worries, this is our little secret...but you will owe me..." then winked, turned, and walked out the bathroom door.

Okay, he didn't wink...but he did leave me as I sputtered after him saying, "What do you mean I will owe you? Like pay for damages? Owe you how?"

He just closed the door.

He never did tell my friend. And luckily she never asked questions that night.

But as we drove home together the next day...we almost crashed because we were laughing so hard because I honestly can't keep stuff like that in...everything seems funnier in the light of day!!!

Doesn't it?

I honestly can't tell a short story! I'm sorry!

Moral of the story: "Never go to the bathroom at a cute guys house period! Risk dying or going to the emergency room! And ALWAYS pay up on your debts...because that actually was ALMOST worth the whole thing..."

ALMOST... Okay...it was WELL worth it! But if I had to go back and do it again...I would have found another way to OWE Connor...

Love,

Shelle

P.S. And sorry about yesterdays post...I fixed the spelling errors, but you have to realize...I write my posts and post them, I rarely return to see what I wrote until later in the day. Flatuation is not even a word and neither is unevitable. *hangs head in shame*

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